She shakes her head and raises a hand, cutting me off before I can say more. “Jason, I’m going to stop you right there.” Her voice is firm, yet gentle. “You don’t need to explain anything, because I’ve already figured out what happened.”
My brow furrows. “You have?”
“Yes.” She nods slowly. “I know you didn’t initiate that kiss. I saw you push her away the moment she kissed you. It was clearly Elena’s cunning plan to hurt me. And, to be honest, it worked. She hit me exactly where it hurt. But Jason, I’m not angry with you. I’m just… confused and maybe a little scared.”
I take her hand in mine, needing to just feel her against my skin. “What are you confused or scared about?”
“Everything,” she says. “My feelings. This relationship. You, me… Elena.” Her voice trembles, as if she’s trying to keep all her emotions from spilling out at once. “Sometimes my mind slips into these dark places when you’re not around. And lately, it’s been happening more than I want to admit. It’s like the moment I’m alone with my thoughts, I start imagining the worst—like you leaving me heartbroken just to go back to Elena.”
She pauses, her eyes downcast. “I know that’s not fair to you, because I know you’d never intentionally hurt me. But there’s always this one insecure thought lingering in the back of my mind, and most days, it’s so overwhelming it almost feels like I can’t breathe.”
“Baby, you know I’d never go back to her. You’re the one I want, the one who matters to me—to Jake. Whatever you’re feeling, we’ll get through it together.”
“I know, Jason. And I know you’d do anything for me. But that alone won’t stop the negative thoughts from flooding in. It won’t quiet the fear or the anxiety that creeps in the moment you’re not around.”
She takes a shaky breath. “You’re already stretched so thin—running a business, raising Jake on your own. And with the way I am right now, I’d only be adding to the load. And that’s not fair of me to do that to you.”
I swallow hard, my next words coming out choked. “Mila, you’re not added weight.
That’s not how I see things at all. I’d much rather you lean on me whenever you need to, as long as I know that you’re okay.”
“But what is that really teaching me? That I need you around all the time just to function? Just to breathe? You might not see it the way I do, but it’s not healthy, Jason. It isn’t healthy to be this dependent on you, to always feel like I need your reassurance, or for you to save me all the time. How can I ever gain back my power if I can’t even stand on my own two feet?”
I shake my head even though what she’s saying is true. “So… what are you trying to tell me?” I ask, as intense anxiety floods through me.
She sniffs, her eyes quickly filling with unshed tears. “I’m saying that maybe… maybe I’m just not ready after all.”
I shake my head again, more fiercely this time. “No, baby please,” I plead, shifting closer and tightening my grip on her hand. “I don’t want to lose you.”
She lets out a quiet sob, tears slipping down her cheeks. “You won’t lose me. But I need to sort out what’s going on in here.” She taps her temple lightly with her index finger, then places a hand over her heart. “So I can be free in here.”
I let out a shaky breath as my heart begins to crack—not just for us, but for her and the battle she still fights every day because of what Dean did to her. I worried when we started this relationship that it might be too soon for her, that she needed more time to stand on her own before stepping into something new. But I was too selfish, too focused on what I wanted, blind tothe fact that she still needed time to fully heal. And for that, it’s all my fault.
I pull Mila onto my lap and hold her close as she trembles and cries, wrapping my arms around her like I can shield her from her pain. I gently rock us back and forth, pressing soft kisses to the crown of her head.
After several minutes her sobs begin to fade, and the tension in her body slowly eases.
“Mila, sweetheart… can you look at me?”
She slowly straightens and meets my gaze, her expression a quiet storm of sorrow and fatigue.
“Is there any way I can fix this? What can I do to help?”
“I just need time and space to work through some things. I still have a long way to go before I can fully be ready.”
“I can give you that, if that’s what you want. But I just don’t understand why we can’t still be together.”
“Because I need to do this on my own, Jason. I can’t focus when you’re close by.”
I exhale a heavy sigh, searching for the words that might convince her we’re better and stronger together. But deep down, I know it’s already too late. Her mind is made up. Nothing I say will change that.
I trace my thumb over the back of her hand, her eyes following the movement. “I’m sorry for rushing you into this when you weren’t ready. That’s on me. I should’ve known better, I should’ve put your needs first, and I didn’t. For that, I’m so incredibly sorry.”
I lift my hand to cup her cheek, and she leans into my touch without hesitation. If this is what she really wants, then I know what I have to do, even when it kills me inside.
“As much as this hurts, if this is what’s best, for you and for us, then I’ll give you what you’re asking for. Just remember, I’ll always be here for you, in whatever way you need. That won’tchange. And when you’re ready… come back to me, okay? I’ll wait as long as it takes.” I pause, my voice soft but sure as I say the next words. “I love you, Mila. I always will.”
Her eyes well up once more, and a deep, hollow ache settles in my chest, the kind that comes when you know you’re about to lose something you love.
