“I’ve told you before, I like carrying you.” He winks at me before he wanders over to the cabinets and begins to prepare dinner.Now or never.
“We, err, we need to talk, Bennett.” His shoulders tense at my words but he doesn’t turn to look at me.
“Yeah? About what?”
“I need to know.”
“That I love you? That you’re it for me? What is it you need to know, Peyton?” He’s pissed, which only makes me pissed. Why is he the only one that gets to ask the questions? Why does he get all the answers while I’m still left in the dark?
“Why you go out at night, why you come home covered in blood. I need you to tell me the truth.”
“No.”
“No? NO? What do you mean ‘no’?”
“Exactly what it sounds like.” He finally turns to face me. “No, I’m not telling you. No, we’re not having this conversation. No, you’re not going to know why.”
“I don’t think you understand the repercussions of not telling me, Bennett. I’m giving you the chance to be truthful here, but you need to understand that we won’t work with secrets between us.”
“We’re going to have to, because this is not something you need to know. Ican’ttell you this, Peyton. I can’t do that to you, you need to trust me. Please, trust me that you don’t need to know this.”
“Can we compromise on this in some way? Is there anything you can give me?” I’m near sobbing right now, he has to give me something. I don’t want to leave him, but I will. For my own sanity, I will.
“Just know that everything I do is to keep you safe.” He’s never going to tell me. He’ll never be fully truthful with me and I can’t have a relationship with someone that’s not built on honesty.
“Right,” I whisper as I get up from my barstool and head out of the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” he calls after me.
“I need a minute.” I don’t know how I manage to get the words out, my throat is clogged with emotion and I can feel a sob building. I pick up my pace and just make it to the bedroom before I break down, before shudders wrack my body, before the fact I’m leaving him hits me.
I give myself a minute before I pull myself together and begin to gather my things. Grabbing my suitcase I throw my belongings in; clothes, toiletries, everything gets thrown in my case haphazardly. I look around the room, a room which has been my home for the last two weeks, and make sure I haven’t missed anything.
I carry my case down the stairs and place it by the front door. D’Artagnan has come out to see what’s going on and I take theopportunity to scoop him up. He’s quickly followed by Bennett who freezes in the archway from the kitchen when he sees my case and bag at my feet.
“No,” he rasps, the pain in his eyes is evident.
“I warned you,” I whisper. “I told you I couldn’t live with the lies.”
“Ican’ttell you. Sweetheart, I can’t put that on you, I’d do anything for you, but don’t ask me to do this. This I can’t do, not to you.” He walks towards me as he speaks.
“I won’t have a relationship with secrets, Bennett. You want every aspect of my life, you know everything there is to know about me, but you’re hiding so much from me. I can’t live like that, that’s not how this is going to work. You tell me or I walk.” My eyes fill with tears, I don’t want to do this, but I can’t keep living with these secrets, with these half truths.
“No,” he rasps. “Peyton, no, please don’t do this. Don’t leave me.” He reaches for me, pulling me to him, our faces mere inches apart.
“I’m not leaving you, Bennett, you’re pushing me.”
“You’re my everything, you’re my fucking life. Why is that not enough?”
“Would it be enough for you? If I was hiding things from you, if you didn’t have all of me, would that be enough for you? Bennett, there is no compromise with you, you won’t give me anything.” I feel a tear fall, feel it track a gentle path down my cheek. His eyes close but he doesn’t answer, we both know what his answer is, though. I take a few steps back from him, breaking the connection.
“I hope you find her one day.”
“Who?” he whispers, his broken gaze on mine.
“The woman you’ll one day share everything with. The woman you can’t stand to lose.”
“I can’t lose you.”
