“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“No, I should. It’s good for me to talk it through.”And, said a small voice that I was afraid to admit existed,I want him to know.I sensed that some part of Nolan could understand my trauma in a way no one else could. His eyes held the haunted look of a man who’d been through hell. I didn’t know what secrets hid in his past, but after his reaction to the greenhouse and the snowshoeing trail, I knew it had to do with his mother’s death. Letting him in like this was definitely crossing a professional line, but I was living in the man’s freaking house and I’d woken him up screaming, so I owed him an explanation. “A secret for a secret?” I asked.
His hand twitched in mine. Then squeezed. “A secret for a secret,” he agreed.
And so I delved into the steel box of memories that I kept locked up tightly. “My mom—Antonella,” I corrected myself. We didn’t call her Mom. She hadn’t earned it. “She’s an addict. Heroin. Opioids. Pills. She’s been in and out of rehab and jail my whole life. She came to California as an exchange student from Italy, met mypapá, and fell madly in love. When he died, it broke her. She’d been pregnant with Juanito at the time, but that didn’t stop her from using. He had neonatal abstinence syndrome when he was born and was always in the hospital. Now, he requires regular medication to stave off the seizures and keep him alive.
“One night just after Juanito was born, Antonella said she was going to take him to the park. I knew she was high, and I knew she’d never let me drive. The last time I’d tried to take her keys, she’d hit me. Gave me a black eye. I didn’t fight her anymore after that, but I’d be damned if I let her take Juanito alone when she was loaded. So I got in the car with them. Ilet her drive.”
As I said the words, the shame and guilt washed over me anew. Thinking about that night and the role I’d played in it…it never got easier. But I kept going.
“Five minutes into the trip, Antonella drove the car into oncoming traffic. She just…veered off. One second, everything was fine. The next, my world exploded. I managed to grab the wheel and keep us from hitting the car head on, but—” I clenched my teeth as a familiar feeling of helplessness writhed in my chest. “But it wasn’t enough. The driver of the other car didn’t make it. Antonella broke some bones and Juanito and I sustained our own injuries, but we survived. And Antonella went to prison.
“I went to visit her once. She looked miserable. A shell of herself. A living skeleton.” The tears welled in my eyes. I hated that all these years later, Antonella could still make me feel like a helpless child. But I swallowed my anger and forged onward. “She told me we were all supposed to die in that car crash. That shewishedwe’d all died. My own mother tried to kill herself and take us with her.” The words scraped out of my raw throat, but I could only stare at the wall. If I looked at Nolan, I would shatter. “A man died because I let that woman get in the driver’s seat. It’s my fault his children will grow up fatherless. If I had just stopped being a doormat forone secondand stood up to her—”
Nolan’s palms came up to cup my face and smooth away my tears as he stared at me with an expression more open and earnest than I’d everseen from him. His azure eyes sparked with intensity as he said, “It is not your fault. You are not responsible for her choices. You are safe here. Antonella cannot hurt you anymore.”
I choked back a sob.But she can. She’s out now.I sealed that truth behind my lips. Nolan was right. I was safe, here in this moment. Then he wrapped his arms around me and tucked me into his chest. I wanted to stay like this, blocking out the rest of the world and sealing us forever in this moment.
Suddenly aware of the fact that I was crying and baring the jagged bits of my soul to myboss, I pulled away. Sniffing, I wiped my face. “A secret for a secret,” I said, desperate for a shift in spotlight.
Nolan sank into the bench, sprawling an arm across the back. But the tautness of his shoulders belied his deliberate casual posture. Something raw passed across his features as he looked at me. He opened his mouth, shut it. Then spoke.
“I think my mother was murdered.”
Murdered?I didn’t know what I expected him to say, but it certainly wasn’t that. No wonder the guy was so torn up at any mention of his mom. At a loss for words, I inched closer to him on the bench. Not touching, but close enough I could feel his warmth. And I waited.
Puffing out a breath, he began his story. “When I was young, my mother fell off the main ski lift. Internal cranial bleeding went unchecked, and she died of a stroke and other complications.”
Then realization dawned on me.Of course he’s scared of ski lifts. That’s why he always cancels on me.But my remorse was short-lived, as he continued.
“Or that’s what we’d all thought. No, thatishow she died. But now I’m thinking there might have been some foul play. The main reason I’m here at Hale’s Peak is because—” He bit the sentence off,pinching the bridge of his nose. “Because I got an anonymous letter telling me her death wasn’t an accident. My security team is looking into it, but so far we haven’t found anything new. So if this is just someone fucking with me, they’re doing a good job. Because after reading that letter, it cemented the idea in my head and I can’t shake it—could I have done something to save her?
“That’s why I was so cold to you when we first met. It was never because of you. This place, being here…it reminds me of everything I’ve lost. And now to think that someone might have taken her from us deliberately… In any case, I never should have taken it out on you, and I’m sorry.”
“Híjole,” I said, blowing out a breath. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. You thought you’d closed that chapter of your life, and now that wound is ripped open anew.” I broke off, a lump forming in my throat.How awful this must be for him.“It’s how I felt when Antonella confessed to me in prison. I remember thinking, why didn’t I take the drugs away from her when she was pregnant? Why didn’t I just take the keys? Or would she have found another horrible way to kill us all and actually succeed?”
Tears threatened to spill, and I swiped at my cheek. “Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to make this about me. My point is, don’t let the what-ifs eat away at you. You were a child, Nolan. If finding answers is what you need to have closure and honor your mom’s memory, I’ll help you however I can.”
When I finished, I noticed his arm across the back of the bench had dropped to my shoulders, surrounding me in his comforting scent. “Thank you.”
His breath was a warm puff against my face and my head swam. I managed to fish a thought out of the muddled soup of my mind. “Soyou being here, touring the resort with me, is all a smokescreen so you can investigate the staff?”
Running a hand through his hair, he broke the spell swirling between us. “No, Arthur really does want me to assess the resort’s value and find areas for renovations. Just so happens it also affords me the time to get to know the staff intimately.”
When his gaze landed heavily on me, I suppressed a shudder.
“Question them, I mean,” he continued. “I just wish I’d found something.”
“I can ask around for you,” I offered. “No offense, but I think people will be more willing to talk to me than their grumpy boss.” I tried for a lighter tone, and he gave me a small smile.
“I’ll pull you in if I need backup. I haven’t questioned Tess yet, and I’ve heard she’s tough.”
“Coffee and muffins always make her more pliant.” But then I sobered, fixing him with a serious gaze. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”
As his eyes met mine, I could feel something shifting between us. “Thanks for listening.”
Later, when we walked back to the car, I had the absurd urge to reach for Nolan’s hand.
