“Let him get a few feet farther before you start walking,” I said.
“You know, I was actually going to call you today. I know you’re living out in Charlie Huxley’s guesthouse, and I wondered if you had any intel on the man?”
I looked at her. “‘Intel’?”
“You know, does he bring women home? I heard from Julia Warren that he liked to play hard to get. And let’s just say, I don’t mind chasing that man if it means I could catch him.” She laughed, and my hands bunched at my sides.
Why does this infuriate me?
Why did I have the sudden urge to scratch her eyes out?
“I don’t know, Brit. I’d try treating him with some respect, and not like a piece of meat,” I hissed.
“What?” she shrieked. “You can’t stand the man. Everyone knows that.”
“Correct. He’s aggravating as hell, but he’s also a really decent man. A good father. A good contractor. A good friend. Maybe if you just try talking to him instead of talking about him, he’ll actually engage.” I stormed offand reached for the door handle, hearing her mutter apologies behind me, but I just walked inside.
“What is happening here?” Blakely asked as I made my way to the candy jar, took off the lid, and grabbed a handful of Skittles.
“Oh boy. We’re diving into the Skittles before eight a.m. That’s never a good sign,” Montana said, motioning for us to follow her into the staff lounge. It’s where we ate lunch. Where we brainstormed on the whiteboard. And where we usually had full-blown therapy sessions.
I dropped to sit in my usual seat at the table. Montana settled beside me, and Blakely was directly across from me.
“What’s with the attitude today?” Blakely asked.
“Brit Hansen and Julia Warren are talking about Charlie like he’s a piece of meat. It’s appalling.” I threw my hands in the air. “No. It’s disgusting, that’s what it is. Absolutely disgusting!”
Montana smirked. “Well, one woman turns people an unnatural mango color for a living, and the other asked Myles if she could test her pink hair color out on Porky.”
Now it was Blakely’s turn to laugh. “She wants to color your porcupine’s hair?”
My bestie and her fiancé had had a full mini house built outside for Porky, the local porcupine who was a bit of a nuisance in their backyard. But that spiky little rodent was living his best life.
“She does. Obviously, we told her that we would never expose our little boy to toxins like that. And he doesn’t even have real hair. It’s ludicrous,” Montana huffed.
“I mean, it’s not any more ludicrous than the fact that you just called a porcupine ‘our little boy.’”
“Okay, enough about Porky. We can go over his long-term hair goals later.” Montana laughed. “Why are you so pissed off about two women you aren’t even friends with talking about a man you despise?”
“Because she likes Charlie,” Blakely said, looking between us.
“Duh.” Montana rolled her eyes. “I’m trying to get her to admit it.”
“I do not like Charlie. Not the way you think I do. That’s not my thing. But that damn kiss is messing with my head. And I don’t want to go out with anyone else because it’s like this itch that needs to be scratched,” I said, as if I was figuring it out as the words left my mouth.
“Oh, you know what my college roommate called this?” Blakely said, glancing around to make sure no one else could hear her, even though we were the only three people here.
“Sexual frustration?” Montana asked.
“Nope.” Blakely leaned forward, like she was about to tell us the most sinister thing she’d ever shared. I leaned in, too, because no one liked sinister news as much as I did. “Banging it out of your system. I think that’s what you and Charlie need to do. One time. Get it done, and then move forward. You can go back to being irritated with one another, but the elephant in the room will be gone.”
“Is the elephant in the room Charlie’s giant schlong?” I asked.
“Didn’t you just get offended by Julia and Brit treating Charlie like a piece of meat?” Montana smirked.
“Correct. But I just admitted that Charles is a good man. It’s not offensive to assume the man has a giant penis. I’ve dry humped him, for God’s sake. I know it’s there. I’m just sharing the facts. It’s just science at this point. I mean, just look at the man’s hands and feet,” I said over my laughter.
“I don’t pay much attention to the size of Charlie’s hands and feet.” Montana leaned back in her chair and studied me. “But I don’t think this is a bad idea. Neither of you is looking for anything serious, but you’re both clearly attracted to one another.”
