Kyran
Ifeel as though I’ve just stepped off a cliff on a night so dark even the most powerful shadow magic can’t save me. My guts coil, like eels hiding between rocks, but when Luke’s pretty vulpine face relaxes, I know there’s no way back from this. A potion can explode in an alchemist’s face if they hesitate too long before adding the final ingredient. It is a huge risk, but he’s already proven his readiness to keep my secrets, and after a lifetime in hiding, there’s a part of me that longs to be seen for the man I am, not the illusion of my brother.
“Wh-what do you mean?” Luke asks, cocking his head. His attentive eyes don’t appear so bloodshot anymore, and the way his fingers skirt over my chest makes my heart beat faster.
I hate that he feared me enough to run away from our wedding. Maybe if he gets to know me, we won’t have to overcome so much by the next full moon? Maybe he will understand where I’m coming from and see that I have no reason to put him in danger.
Still, even though I volunteered the truth about myself, now that he’s asking for more information, chills throb under my skin as I clear my throat. “This is related to the sun mark, and you have to promise to never tell anyone, no matter how trustworthy they seem,” I say, playing with his beautiful, rosy fingers.
He nods, and the look in his green eyes is so sincere I’m ready to tell him everything. I know he’d break under torture, but it will never happen under my watch. I’d be dead if it ever came to that, and then, my secrets wouldn’t matter anyway.
For a moment, I struggle to decide how to start, but it all comes down to the fact that he’s an alien to my world and has no point of reference for what the symbol I’ve been carrying since birth stands for. I clear my throat, slide my arm around him, so we’re closer, and whisper, “I know the sun is something normal in your world. Legend says we used to have it too, so long ago even the oldest of elves don’t remember that time anymore. But when it was still around, it was so very jealous of its twin, the moon,” I say, looking at the dark sky beyond the windows of my bedchamber.
“Before it was chased away forever, it tried to consume the moon to take its place in the sky and, well, it is believed that is always the story with twins, so it is a cursed thing to have two children out of one birth. It is very rare, but when it happens, the second child to come out is marked as the sunspawn,” I say, and while I often forget the mark on my chest, now it seems to burn with raw fire. “Some parents banish the child to your world or leave it out in the wild, for nature to take its course, others make sure it knows its subservient role to its sibling. The mark cannot be taken off, and no illusion can hide it. It’s for everyone to see, because the sun child is expected to be cruel and jealous.”
Understanding spills across Luke’s face like ink in water, and his eyes widen. “B-but… Why? Just because you’re the younger twin? The prince’s twin…”
I lower my gaze and tighten my hold on his fingers, worried he might pull away at this revelation. “One thing is definitely true. I was jealous. All my life, I’ve seen my brother’s existence as a slight to me, because if he hadn’t been born first, I would have been the one to live in comfort and splendor. Instead, I was a creature of the shadows,” I say, meeting Luke’s gaze again as fire sparks deep inside me. “Replacing him when it was convenient, and nobody but my parents and him even knew of my existence.”
He swallows, but instead of backing out, he pulls the comforter higher, giving us more warmth. “How could your parents do that?” Luke asks, but then his expression sobers. “I guess some parents just don’t care.”
I don’t know what reaction I was expecting, but it wasn’t… this, and I find myself leaning closer, until his arms lock around me and my cheek rests on his arm in the warm cocoon of bedding. “It was the best they could have done for me, though not without benefit to the royal line,” I add with a scowl. “I was a spare prince, and they expected me to always watch over Kyranis. The eels on my skin? I got them killing assassins sent after my brother or shadow wielders he provoked into fights for sport and glory. I don’t knowif he ever won a single battle without me helping him from the shadows,” I add, not even trying to hide my disgust and bitterness.
“My parents thought I’d be an asset and great support. They even named me Kyran, as if I were only a part of my brother. But my very existence made Kyranis lazy and spoiled. He never had to learn as much as a prince would have otherwise. I stepped in during his fencing lessons as he slept off his nights of revelry, and even after our father’s death, he left most decisions and council meetings to me. He never cared for the crown the way I did. Maybe because it was served to him on a silver platter. But he always made sure I understood my place. In his shadow.”
I didn’t even notice when Luke’s fingers tangled into my hair, but he’s now stroking it, soaking up every word I say. I’ve never felt soseen.Even to my father, I was only ever an extension of Kyranis, like a useful appendage which could nevertheless be cut off if necessary. Luke? He’s ready to see me for who I am, not who I am in relation to Kyranis.
“So you were never able to live… asyou?” Luke asks with a growing frown.
I nod, hugging him a bit more tightly. While he hasn’t grown up with the same prejudice as elves, a part of me feared he might reject me, but Luke is still here, offering me his undivided attention.
“No. Most of the time, I was alone, hidden away in the shadowild and watching over him. I would only ever be out when he required something from me. Look through boring papers. Fight a dangerous beast. He never hesitated to put me in my place. One time, I felt drawn to another boy and made the mistake of telling him about it. He went after him and fucked him just to mock me while I watched. And he didn’t even like boys that much.”
My heart stops when I see tears glisten in Luke’s eyes. “That’s horrible. Kyran—” He stops himself from saying the ‘is’, and my heart beats faster. I feel like I’m emerging from a shell in front of him. “Kyran, you couldn’t have deserved that as a child. Are you saying they kept you there? In this shadowild place? What does it even look like?”
I sigh, and while I am still recovering from the despair encounter, sinking into the shadow realm is like second nature. This time, I’m taking my promised with me. To my sanctum. To the place where both of us can be utterly free. Instead of veiling us with my powers, I go in deep, to the very place where I’mmost at home.
The gray walls surrounding the shadow palace vibrate and bubble up in protest, as if they’re not ready to accommodate another person, but I calm them down with ease. The bond we have makes it child’s play.
Luke gasps, looking to what used to be a window but is now an opening into the void.
“Is this safe?” he asks, his voice a pitch higher than usual as he clutches my shirt.
“As long as you’re with me,” I say and stroke his hair.
“Your… eyes,” Luke mutters and reaches for my cheek as if he were chasing off a fly. Only then do I remember how needy the shadows can be and voicelessly order them off me. My eyes tickle as they retreat with a rumble of annoyance. They’re not sentient, but I still feel loss, because it’s like chasing away a part of me. When I’m here on my own, I let the shadows envelop me and it’s as natural as breathing, but Luke is not ready to see the monster I become when that happens.
He takes another deep breath and takes in the space. It’s not merely a copy of a real-life bedroom, but my own iteration of it, which features a flamboyant canopy woven out of shadow tendrils.
“So it’s a… palace? In some form? We could go explore?” Luke points to the door. “Or are there monsters here too?”
“I could take you around. I crafted it all out of nothing. When I was a child, this place was a cave surrounded by darkness insisting on pushing closer every time I looked away. My mother spent a lot of time teaching me how to keep the shadows at bay. But creating this room alone took many years and skill.”
Luke reaches out to touch the bedpost. “It’s… velvety.”
“Yes, it’s not real wood. I made it out of shadow.”
“Like a sculptor?”
