Throughout the years, I convinced myself talking about it could only make it worse, so I kept quiet. Now, I think I should have shared it with people important to me a long time ago. So, on Monday I do exactly that.
“How are you feeling, Nats? I’ve never seen you so drunk before,” Anne asks, concern in her eyes.
“I’m fine now, thanks.”
“Thank God, Matt let me know you stayed at his place. Otherwise, I would have thought you choked on your own vomit.”
“Sorry, I didn’t feel like texting.”
“Hungover?” Rina adds.
“Not really.” I look down at my hands. “Can you guys stay a little after work?” Matt gives me a supportive nod from across the office.
“Sure.” Both Rina and Anne eye me with suspicion.
Once everyone’s gone, I make us all a cup of tea and guide them into the conference room. Other than calling them to my apartment, which would only alert them more, this is the closest place to home for me.
My fingers fidget in my lap as I try to start the conversation.
“Look, I want to tell you guys something. But you have to promise not to make a big deal about it.”
“Okay...” Rina responds while Anne looks uncertain. Both of their gazes are settled on me, wide and worried.
Letting out a big sigh, I continue, telling them the whole story of me and my college boyfriend. The whole thing rolls off my tongue easier than the first time.
“Oh my God, you never told us.” Anne is practically sobbing.
“It’s OK, Nats. I’m glad you told us now.” Rina lays a gentle touch to my arm and moisture creeps up in my eyes.
“I’m so sorry you went through this. We’re here whenever you want to talk about it,” Anne says, as they both slide their chairs next to mine and envelop me in their arms.
“I know. It was just...easier not to talk about it.” I sniffle, trying to keep my tears at bay, but as I realize they are both crying, I set them free.
We sob in each other’s arms for I don’t know how long.
“We’re here for you, Nats. You’re our family,” Rina whispers into my hair.
“And you’re mine. But I want to leave this behind me, you know?” Rina nods in understanding. “I just thought it was time.” I shrug.
“You told Matt,” Rina concludes.
“Yeah...” She doesn’t say anything, but her nod signals the weight of it.
“I would never force you into anything, but just so you know, if there’s ever a man worthy of your heart, it’s him.”
“I vouch for that, too.” Anne adds, and after a year and a half of trying to convince myself of the opposite, I can finally agree with that.
“Yeah, well, I guess we’ll give it a chance—if my heart is capable of love anymore.”
Rina snickers. “You? You’re the most loving person I know.”
Tears well up once again. “I love you guys.”
“We love you, too,” they respond in unison.
I should have told them years ago. I was silly not to.
When we finally decide to leave the office, Anne opens the door for me, making me chuckle.
