“Not particularly,” he answered.
How could I sleep a wink, knowing I might have lost you?
Indeed, he could only imagine how awful he looked. In the early years of his nightmares and the plaguing memories of war, he had gone days without rest, until the sight of his reflection had shocked him. A gaunt stranger with bruised circles around his eyes, staring back at him. He figured he resembled something similar.
“As for your apology, it is unnecessary,” he added. “I did not come here for an apology. I came here to speak with you about your wedding. I trust it has not yet happened?”
A flicker of something he could not decipher passed across her beautiful face, while her gaze lowered. “Your Grace, we have nothing to discuss. I am afraid to say that your journey has been wasted.”
Your Grace?The formality stung him like an old scar in winter.
“Are you married or are you not?” he pressed, irritated by her curt demeanor.
Yet, he understood why he was not receiving a warm welcome. He was irritated with himself for causing this effect upon her, rather than her actual attitude. She was perfectly right to push him away, to squash his hopes, for that was exactly what he had done to her. Indeed, she was at least listening, which was more grace than he had given.
“I am not,” she replied after a moment. “Yet. I am to be wed on the fifth of January.”
“No,” he said. “That will not happen.”
Her head lifted, her eyes narrowing in confusion. “Pardon?”
“I was the beast everyone claims I am when I sent you away,” he explained carefully, aware that this might be the most important speech he ever made. “My reaction was that of a fickle man, unwilling to listen to you, too stubborn to hear what you wanted to say, and I am sorry for that. I thought you had betrayed me, as others have done before, and I allowed that to blind me. Temporarily. Of course, by the time I came to my senses, it was too late.
“I am aware that I do not deserve you. I have thought it since the moment I began to care for you. And when I feel I am undeserving of something, I distance myself.” He paused. “But I love you, Valerie. I love you and I believe you are a miracle of a woman: beautiful, wonderful, witty, intelligent, amusing,vibrant, and a thousand other things that it would take me hours to tell you. Some of which would not be suitable for Gwendolen’s ears.”
A hint of a smile appeared on Valerie’s lips, quickly hidden by the rim of her teacup.
“You saved my life when you stumbled into my castle,” he continued, “and I did not even realize I was dying. I certainly was not living. Now, I know you say you are due to marry someone else, but you deserve more than that.”
She peered at him with curiosity, her cheeks flushed with pink. “You think thatyouare what I deserve?”
“I am saying that you should be able to choose, to marry for love, not to repay your father’s debts. Which is why I shall pay for them, so that you can be free,” he replied. “You will owe me nothing, and if you do not choose me, I will accept your decision. There will be no consequence for you.”
Valerie’s lips parted in shock, her eyes wide. “How did you know?”
“About your father? You have loyal friends at Blackwall Castle. Loyal enough to risk their employment to make a foolish duke see sense,” he replied.
“Oh!” she gasped. “Oh, goodness! They told you?”
“They ensured I would overhear,” Adrian corrected with a wry smile.
Just then, Valerie looked toward the corner where the old woman stood. “Gwendolen, may you permit us a moment alone?”
The chaperone frowned and bowed her head in a nod. “I forgot I left a pot boiling, Miss Valerie. I’ll not be five minutes.”
The essence of a wink passed between the two women, before Gwendolen went to the door, peered out to ensure the coast was clear, and slipped out. She did not close the door fully behind her, leaving it slightly ajar. But, for all intents and purposes, the couple was alone, in privacy.
“Youarea fool,” Valerie said, rising from the settee.
Adrian rose with her, remembering his manners. Although, his gaze did not, wandering over the contours of that perfect body, remembering what it looked like by firelight, stripped bare of all clothing and inhibition.
“You are grumpy,” she continued, walking around the table between them. “You are stubborn, you are bewildering, you are… frustrating.” She moved toward him. “But youaredeserving of so much, and I wish you could see what I see.”
“And what is that?” he asked as she neared.
“That it is impossible not to love you,” she replied.
Before her words could truly hit him, she grasped him by the lapels of his greatcoat, rose up on her tiptoes, and kissed him. A hard and desperate kiss that let him know he was forgiven, even if she had not said as much yet.
