I grinned at him.“I don’t need it to work forever.I just need it to work right now.”
Josiah shook his head, but there was still a hint of a smile on his lips.“You’re killing me, baby.”
His sudden and unexpected endearment had us both freezing in place, and while he was probably feeling horrified at taking such liberties, my lady bits were tossing confetti in the air and putting on grinding music.That had me wondering about my last date, and not being able to remember it was probably not a good sign for poor Josiah Austin.
Clearing his throat, he said, “Uhm, I’ll just go...I’ll go double-check everything as you...as you close up in here.”
Not knowing what else to do, I just nodded.“Will do.”
With Josiah lost in his own thoughts, and me lost in my own, neither of us said a word the entire drive home, and when he had mentioned the library again, I had quickly nipped that in the bud, practically forcing him to use my home computer, pointing out that things would probably work out better if he had some privacy for what he needed.
After I’d left him in the den to do his thing, I’d gone upstairs, had taken a shower, and now I was trying to figure out how to ask him to stay for dinner, my attraction for him getting the better of me.Now, while he had no choice but to join me for breakfast each morning since I was his ride to work, that was the only time that we ate together unless I ordered lunch for the shop.
Then it hit me how stupid I was.Right now, the man was downstairs, trying to overcome his demons, and I really had to be the biggest asshole on the planet to be worrying about a date.
Chapter 7
Pepper~
A week later, Josiah was still doing well at the shop, and he was also taking me up on my offer to use my home computer for his online support sessions.Since he was always kind enough to let me know the dates and times of the sessions, I returned his consideration by making sure to run errands during those times, making myself scarce.Things really were going well, but I couldn’t stop thinking of how he had called me baby, and my feelings for him were getting harder and harder to ignore.
So, it was Friday evening again, just the two of us, and while I might selfishly be ruining things between us, I felt like I needed Josiah to know how I felt about him.If he rejected me, so be it.After all, I was a grown woman with a divorce already under my belt, so I could handle Josiah not being interested in me.What I couldn’t handle was not trying, not knowing.
“You about ready, Boss?”he asked as he peeked his head into my office, something of a routine for us now.
“I’m about to get rude and personal again,” I announced, looking up at him.
He arched a brow, and while he looked wary, that didn’t stop him from walking further into my office.“Okay,” he drawled out slowly.
“It’s been over a month that you’ve been...that things have been getting better, and so I’m wondering why you haven’t reached out to your parents yet,” I told him, coming at him like his choices were my business, which they weren’t.
Josiah crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the door frame.“Because I’m not ready to bare my soul to them just yet,” he answered easily and honestly.“No matter what, they’re going to be very hurt and disappointed that I hadn’t asked them for help, and I’m just not sure if I’m strong enough to have that conversation with them yet.”
“Don’t you miss them?”I pried.
During one of our many breakfast conversations, Josiah had explained how he had a pre-paid phone, but only used his minutes to call his parents, never having ever called anyone else.While he’d felt conflicted where his parents were concerned, he also hadn’t wanted to disappear on them, driving them into an early grave with worry.
“Of course,” he answered, sighing as he dropped his arms to his sides.“I just...it’s not a good feeling to disappoint your parents.”
Since I was close to my parents, I knew exactly what he meant.“What about...everything else?”
His brows furrowed at that question.“What everything else?What are you talking about?”
“Well, now that things are getting better for you, do you ever think about...you know, dating or anything like that?”
His dark eyes rounded in astonishment.“Are you high?”
That had me scowling.“What?No.”
“Then have you forgotten that I’m fucked in the head, Pepper?”he asked, his voice darker than usual.“Do you honestly think that dating is in the cards for me right now?”He let out a hollow laugh that broke my heart.“Okay, so say that I ask a woman out, and that we end up hitting it off...what do I do then?Invite her back toyour shedfor the night?”
I couldn’t help but wince at that.“Josiah-”
“And even if I take my fucked-up mind and lack of a home off the table, what does that leave this mystery woman with?”he went on.“Since I’m too old to have children, and I’m barely getting used to showers, all that leaves her with is a project that will keep falling apart, Pepper.Yeah, no thanks.”
“That’s not fair,” I said, speaking out of turn.“You’re not giving yourself enough credit, Josiah.”
“And you’re giving me too much,” he shot back.“However, when it comes to the subject of just how damaged I am, since you’ve never seen me have a meltdown, I’d hardly call you an expert.”
