“I’m sort of relieved, actually,” Nadiya began, smoothing the duvet. “I was worried you had actual feelings for the guy. But if it’s all just an elaborate scheme, I guess I have nothing to worry about.”
Sameera turned onto her back. “About that ...” she started, and her sister hit her with a pillow.
“I knew it—you like him!” Nadiya accused. “You lying liar. It’s not fake dating after all!”
Sameera held up her hands in protest. “It was at first, I swear. I mean, I thought he was cute from the very start, but I had no intention of doing anything about it. Really, this is all Mom’s fault.”
Nadiya settled back into bed, placing the pillow behind her head. “He’s a vast improvement over Hunter, I’ll give you that. Wanker.”
Sameera grinned. She loved when Nadiya used British slang. “The wanker is ancient history. Tom is nothing like him at all.” She pulled up the duvet before turning off the bedside lamp, which was shaped like a polar bear, because of course it was.
“What is Tom like?” Nadiya asked in the dark.
“He’s sweet. Kind. Gentle. When he kisses me, I feel ... sparks.”
“Yuck,” Nadiya muttered. After a pause, she continued, “I was starting to worry about you, Sam. You have so much love to give. I was afraid after what Hunter did, you shut that part of yourself down forever. Even though Tom isn’t Muslim ...” She trailed off.
“Yes?” Sameera said. She knew Nadiya would never become involved with someone outside their faith, and that she didn’t entirely understand how Sameera could, either.
“I can see he’s been good for you,” Nadiya said, and something in Sameera’s heart eased at her words. “I’m glad you trust yourself again. I worried you never would.”
It was true. Even if things with Tom went nowhere following their sojourn in Alaska, Sameera knew that meeting him, and allowing herself to fall just a little bit in “like”—she wasn’t ready to say “love”—with him, made her feel as if she was finally coming back to her true self.
“He’s been good to me,” Sameera said simply. “I told him about Hunter, about the time I wasn’t talking to Mom and Dad, and he listened. He gets it, because he has similar issues with his own father. His mom died when he was ten, and he’s had a hard time since.”
Nadiya’s voice was softer when she answered. “I’m sorry to hear about his mom. And I’m glad you two hit it off. I just worry you’re jumping into something without thinking it through. Mom and Dad are so worried about you. They don’t want to lose you again.”
Sameera turned to face her sister. “Isn’t that the problem? They calledyouto share that they were worried aboutme.I’m tired of being judged and convicted without even being able to mount my own defense.”
Nadiya’s sigh was full of exasperation for every member of their family, but her words surprised Sameera. “You’re right. You deserve better, Sameera. I can’t defend their behavior, only tell you that their actions are motivated by love, however misguided and reactive.”
Sameera stared at the ceiling in silence. She hadn’t slept very well in this bed, but with her sister by her side, she could feel her body relaxing. “What was it like, when I wasn’t around?” she asked.
Nadiya shifted to face her. “At first, they both thought you would get in touch, and were content to wait. But as the weeks turned to months with no contact, I could see they were starting to unravel. Dad was so sad, and Mom was worried, too. They never thought you wouldstay away as long as you did. And after enough time had passed, they didn’t know how to overcome the issues. It wasn’t a good time.”
Sameera’s heart squeezed. “I’m sorry.”
“What was it like for you?” Nadiya asked.
“At first, it was a relief. But that feeling was short-lived. It got lonely, fast. After a while, I started to hear Mom’s voice in my head. Just commenting on things. I started to hear Dad’s jokes, you know?”
Nadiya nodded, and Sameera felt the movement beside her. She rolled onto her side, to face her sister, lost in remembrance. “I kept wondering what Dad was doing, whether he had finally decided to retire. Then I worried how he would keep busy. I wanted to call Mom and ask if she was still exercising, and to hear stories from her school. I would come across a funny meme and want to send it to Esa. Mostly, I just worried, and I still felt guilty, and then everything with Hunter happened.”
“Wanker,” Nadiya said again.
“I thought I’d stop feeling guilty and trapped once I cut everyone off. But it didn’t work that way.” Sameera shifted slightly. “Do you think I’m a bad person because I’m not a practicing Muslim? You used to call me a kafir.”
Nadiya huffed out a laugh. “God, I was such a shit. I’m sorry.” The simple words were a balm on Sameera’s heart. “The more I see of the world, the more I know that the way you live, the faith or belief or whatever you want to call it, thatsparkyou hold close to your heart, is completely personal and unique. Even when you’re following a religion or philosophy, everyone still makes it their own. And no one—no one—should tell someone else how to live. You’re my sister, and you’re complicated and human and worthy just as you are. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise.”
“You’ve turned radical in your old age,” Sameera teased, and Nadiya pinched her forearm. “Ouch! Uncalled for.” Then, after a beat, she said quietly, “You saved me, Nadiya. You kept calling and texting. Weeks would go by, and I thought you’d given up, and then you’d send me a meme about cats, or a picture from wherever you were in the world,and I just ... I never thanked you for that, for reaching out, even when I stopped returning your calls.”
Nadiya pretended to fake snore, and Sameera poked her stomach until she giggled in the dark.
“Is that why you’re here?” Nadiya asked, curiosity clear in her voice. “Is this whole trip a convoluted way to work out all your issues with Mom and Dad? Because there are easier ways. Like therapy. Or kidnapping.” They both started laughing, and it felt good. “For what it’s worth, I think it’s time. Tell them how you really feel. Let it all out. Who knows when this opportunity will come back? Unless you plan to lure us all to Antarctica next Christmas.”
“It is one of the most isolated places on the planet,” Sameera mused. “Nothing to do but talk.” Nadiya groaned, and Sameera smiled in the dark.
“They asked about you all the time. They knew I was in touch with you,” Nadiya said. “I know they missed you, and while I don’t condone this trip to Alaska, in some very twisted way, it is quite the compliment that Mom and Dad would go to so much trouble.”
