“Okay, but what if—”
“Your sister practices medicine in war-torn countries. She fell in love while working in a bomb shelter. A little Canadian snow won’t stop her. In fact, I bet it only fueled her fury.” Even though his back was to her, she could hear the smile in his voice.
“Saima is good at fury,” Maryam agreed, and Saif chuckled, a warm sound.
As they marched through the snow, Maryam blurted: “She blames me. She thinks we should have stayed in the airport that first night we landed.”
“If she blames you, it’s because she can, because you won’t hold it against her. Saima knows none of this is your fault. She and Miraj made the mistake of assuming the Canadian winter would cooperate with their hastily planned wedding.”
Saif’s words made sense. Her sister had been angry at the one person who wouldn’t escalate a fight, the one person in the family who considered it her job to stay calm. It wasn’t fair, but it was how things were. Or, rather, how they had been. Maryam knew that when she eventually found Saima, and after she made sure her sister was safe, they needed to really talk: about their relationship, and about how Maryam often felt taken for granted. She needed to be more open and honest about what she wanted. She looked at Saif clearing the path in front of her and wondered why he was still single. Perhaps he was still heartbroken over his ex. “Did you and Lisa plan to get married?” Maryam asked. She was glad the path hadn’t widened. It was easier to talk to him this way.
He must have felt the same because he answered readily. “We talked about it, but I think both of us knew we weren’t going to end up together.” He laughed softly, and she resisted the urge to lean forward to catch the sound, cup it in her hands. His laugh was magnetic. “She realized, in the end, that she wanted to marry someone who knew who she was and where she came from.”
“I’m sorry,” Maryam said.
“Don’t be. She’s happier with Brendan. They met at church, but their families have been friends for years. It was a better fit.”
Every relationship had its challenges; Maryam was intimately aware of that fact. Some couples started off on the same page, but grew apart. Others appeared wildly different at first glance, but had enough in common to grow together. She and Yusuf had been the former, but the more she interacted with Saif, the more she dared to believe that things could be different with him.He could break you, a small voice reminded her.What if it’s worth it?another voice asked.
“Why did you want to come with me, Saif? Aren’t you sick of me by now?” The faint neediness in that last question was humbling.
“It seemed a better option than staying back at the inn and worrying.” He glanced back at her, finally. “And no, I’m not sick of you yet. Strangely, it’s the exact opposite.”
The path widened, and she stepped beside him. Maryam looked at Saif in profile. A handsome face: sharp nose, strong jaw covered in dark stubble. He hadn’t shaved, and Maryam wondered what he’d look like with a beard. Saif had always been clean-shaven, but now her fingers itched to run along the bristle.
“I can take care of myself,” she said.
“And yet I would still worry,” he answered, not quite catching her eye.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Maryam said quietly, and beside her Saif was silent.
“We’ll find Saima,” he said. No mention of their earlier conversation outside the playhouse, or the pain it must have caused him. His openness and kindness repaid by her cowardice.
She felt awful about her reaction; he kept offering his hand, and she kept skittering away. “Why aren’t you happy?” Maryam asked. “You told me you weren’t, during that firstsuhoor.” Maybe she wasn’t ready to have that other talk, the one that involved her heart, but she could give him this. A listening ear. “Is it because of your breakup with Lisa?”
Saif’s lips quirked, as if amused by the trace of jealousy in her voice, but he shook his head.
“Are you tired of being a lawyer?” Maryam guessed, but he shook his head again. “Have you secretly recorded a death metal album, and you’re afraid your parents will disown you?” she tried again, and Saif burst out laughing.
“It’s like you can see directly into my heart,” he said, smiling at her. They had reached the town limits now and were making good time, despite the snow. At this rate, Maryam guessed they would be at the airport by... sometime tomorrow morning. She tried not to sigh, and focused on Saif.
“Tell me the real reason you’re not happy,” she said now. “I’m not just asking you because my toes are numb and I need a distraction. I’m asking because... you’re my friend.”
She held her breath, wondering if he would push back against the label. But if she was starting to think of Anna, a woman she had met four days ago, as a friend, then surely her longtime family friend and equally longtime hopeless crush could also be something friend-shaped?And maybe something more, that new voice piped up.
“When I brought this up last time, you told me to keep my problems to myself,” he teased.
“That was when I assumed you were a self-absorbed boy looking for validation.”
“And now?” There was a hint of vulnerability in his voice, as if he needed to know her answer.
“Now I know who you really are,” she said softly. “Tell me why you’re not happy, Saif.”
His eyes darkened as he looked at her, before focusing on the landscape around them. Snow was everywhere—on the road, sidewalk, empty fields. Yet beneath, life teemed, even if it was momentarily in stasis. A few weeks of warmth and sunshine, and leaves would grow, flowers bloom, fields and grass grow green and then heavy with their harvest. The world was a miracle, at all times of the year.
“I told you that I felt stuck, but I’m starting to realize it’s more than that. I thought maybe I was missing my family, but now that I’ve had some time to think”—he smiled grimly at this; the last few days they had had nothing but time—“I’m starting to wonder if it’s not my circumstances. Maybe there’s just something wrong withme.”
Part of her wanted to assure Saif there was nothing wrong with him; that in her mind, he was perfect. But another part realized that what he needed right now was to be heard. After a brief pause, he continued, gaze staring straight ahead as he spoke.
