Dear Anna,
I only did one holiday mailing this year: to you. I hope you enjoy looking at these photos of our holidays past as much as I enjoyed compiling them. Seeing all these years we had together made me feel sad, of course, for all thathas been lost. But also happy, for all the many joys we experienced together—for all the joy your father brought into my life.
First things first, just in case you stop reading. I’m writing to let you know that I came across an investment your father made on your behalf when we first got together and he sold his home in Toronto to move in with me in Denver and start our life together as a family. It was a conservative investment, so it hasn’t appreciated a staggering amount—but it has appreciated, and I certainly hope it’s enough to make a difference in your life in some way.
Anna took in the amount Beth had written down. It wasn’t huge. For someone else, it probably wouldn’t be life-changing. But it was enough to get her out of the debt she was in and to start fresh—without the pressure of a job she hated. Suddenly, and for the first time in a long while, Anna felt like she could breathe again. She felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She kept reading.
I know it’s hard for you to understand how I could move on and marry Rick. I also understand why the fact that I now have another stepdaughter is painful to you. I need you to know that no one will ever replace your father in my life—just as no one will ever replace you. I will never be “over” your dad. I knew that the moment he died—and Rick is well aware of this, too. He’s also widowed, and his previous wife, and my previous husband, are a part of our relationship in a personal way Iwill not explain to you—but believe me, it’s true. It’s wonderful, and healing, and sad sometimes. We are doing our best. Yes, we moved quickly when we met. Only time will tell if it was too quickly. But we are people who have a good understanding of how fast life moves and how short it can be. We knew we wanted to make a life together, so we did. It was not my intention to make you feel you had no place in that life. On the contrary, I very much want you to be a part of my life—and perhaps, when you’re ready, our life. I know Rose could use someone like you to talk to as she navigates the loss of a parent, a heartache you have also experienced. No pressure, okay? But your friendship would be a gift to anyone.
Anna, I have missed you fiercely. I will never stop calling, and sending you letters, and inviting you back into my life. I hope someday you will accept the invitation, but know this: it will never be withdrawn. I love you unconditionally, the way your father did. You were a wonderful daughter to us both. You are a wonderful daughter to me still.
I know you have struggled with your grief these past few years, and I know you feel alone. I want to remind you of who you are, through these photos of a little girl at seven, with the bravery and maturity to open her heart to me the way she did. That young lady you were at twelve, on the cusp of teenagehood—you switched schools that year because we moved neighborhoods. I remember how worried you were about making new friends. And how quickly it happened for you, once you revealed your kind, generous, honest soul to others. The year you graduated high school and went to college across the country. We missed you somuch, but we were so very proud. And you learned so much, and bravely and openly made more new friends. This is something else about you that has always made me proud: the way you are able to make friends and open yourself to others—but also the way you are able to feel comfortable being alone. That’s a skill you’re better at than I am, I’m afraid. I hate being alone; it makes me too sad. You have an inner strength I don’t think I have. Your dad would say your still waters run deep—and that is so true. You are more than you appear, and I envy the people who get to know you for the first time. What a treat they’re in for.
You’re going to be fine, Anna. Better than fine. You have all the resources you need inside you to find your way in this life, and I hope that if you don’t already know that, this letter serves as a reminder. I love you very much, and my door is open to you, always and forever.
I do hope we can start fresh, one of these days.
Happy holidays, Anna.
With love,
Beth
xx
Anna was startled by the honk of a car’s horn. She picked up her handbag and put the letter and photos inside it. She was going to reread the letter later and think more about moving forward with Beth, when she was ready. But for now, she felt very certain of two things.
She couldn’t get in that taxi.
And she didn’t want to go to Toronto for the holidays. She wanted to stay right where she was. Even if it meant beingalone. Because this was something she now realized she was strong enough for—thanks to a person from her past she knew she was not ready to leave behind.
—
Later in the morning, once she had rechecked herself into the Snow Falls Inn (Deb and Kath had informed her that no, they had not given her room away) and called Nick (he didn’t answer, so she left a message explaining she wasn’t coming), Anna pushed open the door of the playhouse and stepped inside. Maryam was sitting near the door, reading something on a clipboard. She looked up, and her face registered surprise, then delight. “You stayed!” She hopped off her stool and threw her arms around her friend. “Somehow I had a feeling you would.”
“Wow,” Anna said, laughing. “This is more the sort of greeting I’d expect from Saima!”
“Sorry, sorry, too much? I’m just so happy to see you.”
“Not too much at all. I’m flattered to get a hug from you. And yes, I decided to stay. For myself. Because it’s whatIwanted to do. And because of a letter I got from my stepmother, Beth.” She wasn’t ready to share the contents of the letter with anyone, but she explained to Maryam that she had received an important message from her former stepmother, and that it had helped her make the decision to stay.
“Okay, so now that you’re staying, I really need to talk to you. There are some things I think you should know about—”
As Maryam spoke, a familiar voice boomed across the stage. Anna looked up. Bathed in the floodlights was Josh.
“What is he doing here?”
“Well, he’s helping me out, actually. He’s doing a bit ofwriting for me, and I’ve asked him to play a role, too. Everyone says this year is going to be the best Hoopla ever, and I can’t help but agree, given there’s an actual movie star in the cast now.”
“But... I thought you said he was nothing but a charmer, a liar, and...”
Maryam looked sheepish. “I may have judged him a bit harshly. We had a talk last night, and I learned a bit more about who he really is—the way you have. He’s really torn up about you two. I think he developed some real feelings, and I owe you an apology for warning you off him so fiercely. I was just worried about you—but I was probably also projecting my past onto you. Just because something bad happened to me doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to someone else. And Josh... well, it turns out he’s different.”
Anna listened to him deliver his monologue for another moment, then turned back to Maryam. “Is he? Hedoeshave a girlfriend—you were probably right to warn me.”
“That’s the thing...”
Maryam pulled Anna back into the shadows and relayed what Josh had told her about his relationship with Tenisha just being a PR stunt—and a way for them to keep their private lives more private.
