Aydin swiftly rearranged his expression to a smiling neutral, and the resemblance vanished, so quickly I wondered if I had seen it in the first place.
We ate, and Aydin was perfectly behaved, as promised. I even overheard him asking my mother for business advice. After dinner I walked him to the backyard gate. He lingered, glancing back at my father.
“Car accident, two years ago,” I said. “He loves talking to people, but it’s hard for him to get around these days.”
Aydin’s eyes were on me now, assessing. “You don’t look like your father, but you have the same energy. Your mom is a lot more... calm.” He grinned at my frown, then sobered. “It must have been hard on your family, after the accident.”
“Lots of things have been difficult lately.”
“Like me?” he asked. There was a hesitation in his voice that made me want to take his hand again.
“Yes,” I said, and his face fell. “And no. I’m not sure what I would have done today without you.”
Aydin liked that, but he tried to appear modest. “Rashid had matters well in hand.”
“Don’t mess with my cousin.”
We grinned at each other. With a final wave, Aydin unlatched the gate and walked out into the night.
* * *
When I want to reassure myself, I think about space. As in outer space. Did you know that the universe is ninety-three billion light years across? That number is difficult to visualize. One light year—how far light can travel in a year—is something like 9.4 trillion kilometres. Let me put that into a bit more perspective:Voyager 1, the space probe NASA launched way back in 1977, will reach our next-door neighbouring star in about forty thousand years!
Yet at the same time, our own little solar system, the collection of planets and asteroids and moons we call home, is well hidden. Beyond gas giant Neptune is an enormous field of asteroids called the Kuiper belt that keeps our little neighbourhood nice and snug. Out beyond that—much, much farther out—is the Oort cloud. Nobody has seen it yet, because it would takeVoyager 1, travelling at a speed of seventeen kilometres per second, about three hundred years to reach it, and maybethirty thousandyears to travel through it!
And even the Oort cloud is a tiny part of our much larger galaxy, which in turn is part of a much larger local group of galaxies, and in turn part of a local supercluster, which in turn is part of another cluster... In the endthere are one hundred billion galaxies in the known universe, and who knows what beyond.
I like to think of our tiny-speck-of-dust Earth wrapped inside its snug little Kuiper belt, cocooned somewhere inside the massive Oort cloud, completely undetectable inside a universe so massive there is no comparison. And here we are, living and dying, completely unaware of all that lies beyond. Terrifying, but also comforting, especially when things happen that are hard to understand.
The first chapter of the Quran is called Surah Al-Fatiha, or “The Opening,” and Muslims recite it with every prayer. One of the verses translates to “Praise be to God, lord of all the worlds.”
Worlds, plural. There’s a metaphor in there. Some solid advice too.
The world is vast, but not as vast as you think. The worlds are plentiful, but you happen to be stuck on this one, with little chance of escape.
After some recent events, I’m even more determined to make my time on this globe count, to fight harder for what I want and against anything that may hold me back.
Chapter Twenty-Six
During my shift at Radio Toronto the next day, I continued to research henna artists for my story. I associated henna with happy occasions; it was applied for weddings or the night before Eid and other celebrations. But it was difficult to focus on joy; my thoughts kept spiralling around fear, anger, and sadness.
I had told Aydin I never wanted to think about the downtown attack ever again, but I could think of little else, my thoughts centred on the day we had spent together. Aydin had shown me another side of himself, a kindness and vulnerability I had only caught glimpses of before. And I didn’t know how to respond. What could I say when I was still trying to destroy his business by spreading rumours online? What could I say when the tiny radio keychain he had given me lay in my pocket like a talisman? Things were murky and complicated, which was fine when I thought it was just me. It felt much worse now that I knew he was equally as confused by what was happening between us.
Marisa tapped me on the shoulder, and I jumped. “Everything all right, darling?” she asked. She wore a brilliant green scarf tied aroundher neck. I remembered when I first started at Radio Toronto, how much I had wanted to be just like her.
I nodded yes, but my body betrayed me and tears threatened. Alarmed, Marisa asked what was wrong, and then the story of the attack came spilling out in a giant emotional wave.
Afterwards, Marisa perched on the edge of my desk, concern and sympathy etched on her face. “I just can’t believe that happened in Toronto!” she said. “People come here from all over the place. Maybe those men were from the United States.”
“They made sure to tell my cousin that he was taking videos oftheircity.”
“It’s your city too, Hana. You’ve lived here for years,” Marisa said.
“I was born here,” I said.
Marisa blinked. “Of course, that’s what I meant.” She stood up, thinking. “Imagine how often this type of harassment happens to people and it doesn’t make the news. I think we should devote one episode of your show to discussing what happened to you. We could start a conversation that might help others. What do you think?”
I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t confided in Marisa to take advantage of the incident. “I’m not sure I would be comfortable doing that,” I said.
