In her own way, Marisa was eager to make amends, and I felt my fury drain away at her words. She had no idea what she had suggested, I realized. How her words had minimized me and the stories I wanted to tell, the ones that didn’t fit with her tidy understanding of what would appeal to our audience. She thought my story ideas needed camouflage to appeal to our listeners. Except I couldn’t hide who I was—something always gave me away.
I thought about Baba. He had advised me to be pleasant and amenable at work so that I could start to plan my future. I knew how much my security mattered to my parents, and to Baba in particular. The accident had left him vulnerable, and he had few options for future work. I couldn’t disappoint him too.
“I’ll start doing research on the henna story,” I said.
If Marisa refused to see the potential in Kawkab Khala’s story, I would work on it myself. I recalled my aunt’s words from the night before:Find your principles and see your story through to the end, no matter what.
* * *
Welcome to another episode ofAna’s Brown Girl Rambles.
We spend our lives working, hoping, planning, and—if you’re religious like me—praying for opportunity. I come from a family of entrepreneurs, people who aren’t afraid of risk, but who have also paid a price for throwing themselves out of the plane without a parachute. I love that about them, and I recognize that trait in myself. I am heedless sometimes, and I say things I don’t mean when I’m angry, or if I think the people I love have been hurt. I suppose that makes me human.
I don’t have a lot of family in Canada. Like many immigrants, my parents moved here and made a life for themselves far from where they grew up. No cousins or aunts and uncles to hang out with during Eid. No grandparents to spoil me on my birthday or to tell my parents to chill when they disciplined us. But now I have some family around me, here on a visit. They feel like strangers, yet we are linked in unexpected ways. I see traces of my own features on their faces, or they smile like my mother. They know my stories, and my parents’ stories, and their parents’ before them. It is the strangest thing to have felt alone in the world for so long, and then to find you have roots that run so deep they are anchored in the bedrock, leading back to a place I have only ever visited as a tourist.
But I am made up of more than my roots; I have grown above ground as well. My branches reach out in different directions. My limbs have faced wind and snow and ice and rain. My leaves open to the sun and close in the dark. I guess what I’m saying is I’m grateful for every new root I have discovered lately, and for every new bud that sprouts, despite everything.
I was pleased with the episode, but for the first time since I had started the podcast, StanleyP didn’t leave a comment. Strange.
Chapter Nineteen
When I checked Wholistic Grill’s Facebook page a few days later, I discovered I had sparked a lively debate. My smear campaign was clearly hitting its mark; Wholistic Grill had even posted a response to my anonymous attack.
Wholistic Grill Management
Thank you for your continued interest in our restaurant. We are very excited to serve the Golden Crescent neighbourhood, and we would like to reassure customers that all meat served at our restaurant will be hand-cut halal. Once we open, the official certificate from our halal supplier will be displayed and available for inspection.
I had a feeling Zulfa had had a hand in that carefully crafted message. As I read the comments, I could see the damage I had inflicted was extensive. The rumour mill was doing its predictable thing, and guilt sparred with pride inside me.
YusraTK
Halal is really important to me and my family. I’d rather spend my money in a restaurant where I’m sure about the meat.
Dawud Kamal
Who cares about halal
Zeeshan R
Dude, she said she did, wtf.
Dawud Kamal
Halal, zabiha, not halal, who cares. Eating meat is cruelty
YusraTK
Wrong forum, Dawud Kamal. Personally, I’d like more assurances that the owners are Muslim. These so-called halal certificates can be easily forged. Who knows the owners?
AhmadKhan
Not local, I heard.
YusraTK
They’re just trying to capitalize on halal because it’s trendy. Big corporations want to make money off our community. Where were these big greedy companies 10 yrs ago? I’m not eating there.
Dawud Kamal
