29
Istared at Seth, unblinking. I hadn’t expected him to just show up like this. I supposed it made sense. He knew my schedule, knew when I’d be here. Since I’d ignored his texts, he’d decided to ambush me in person.
Maybe ambush was too strong of a word. As he stood with an anxious expression and tense shoulders, I knew he was expecting me to shoot him down.
I stared at him as I thought about it. I didn’t know if I was ready to talk yet. I hadn’t fully sorted out my feelings. I’d just come to grips with the fact that I needed to work on my own issues before they ruined yet one more thing in my life.
After remembering the way Seth had shot out the exact words that preyed on those insecurities, was I ready to hear what he had to say?
“Okay,” I finally said. “Let’s talk.”
The look of relief on his face was palpable, but the nerves didn’t leave his eyes.
“Thank you,” he said fervently. He gave a quick glance around the quiet library and nodded his head toward the stairs. “Do you mind coming with me?”
I hadn’t finished my studying, but Seth had made the trip out here in the middle of the day. He’d probably had to skip some kind of work to be here. I didn’t want to send him away.
Besides, I couldn’t deny that, although I was nervous about it, it was killing me not to know what he’d said in his texts.
I said a quick goodbye to my two new friends, packed up my books and followed Seth out of the library. He waited until I was next to him then took off with a determined stride.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“There’s a Shakespeare in the Park thing going on across campus,” he said. “They’re putting on King Lear and I know you like that one. I thought maybe we could talk while we walked there.”
Seth really did pay attention when I talked. And not only did he remember my likes and dislikes, he acted on them, too.
I’d been so upset by the things he’d said, I’d forgotten about the hundred and one things he’d done to show me how much he cared about me.
We followed one of the paths that took us to the other side of campus. Near the library the path was bustling with students, but the crowd soon thinned out. Seth waited until there were only a handful of people far ahead of us before opening his mouth.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “I never meant to hurt you. I was just upset, and frustrated, and angry, and I said stupid things.”
“You know how sensitive I am about that kind of stuff,” I told him. “Thinking that I’m unimportant. Thinking that other people are living cooler, more meaningful lives than me. Thinking that I’m not good enough.”
“I know.“ He lowered his head, eyes on the ground. “I was a jerk. I didn’t think before I spoke.”
“You never really do,” I replied, giving him a soft smile to show him it was said in jest.
Two joggers ran past, cutting in between us with a barely muttered sorry. I nearly stumbled, but Seth put a steadying hand on my arm. My heartbeat sped up, responding to his touch the same as it always did. My face didn’t flush, which was an improvement. Maybe I was finally able to be around Seth in public without turning into a tomato every time.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine,” I replied.
He slowly let his hand fall from my arm. Our fingers brushed lightly, but he didn’t tangle them together, he didn’t take my hand in his. He was still hesitant.
Seth inhaled a deep breath and continued where he’d left off, the apology not yet over.
“I was thoughtless,” he admitted. “I always try my best to make everyone feel good, and instead I made you feel like shit.”
“You did.”
Seth looked miserable, his mouth downturned. I didn’t want to leave him squirming any longer.
“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me,” I said. “I was also a bit in the wrong. I shouldn’t have just stomped out of there. I knew you were in a bad place and I let my own hurt feelings get in the way of understanding yours. I should have stayed so we could talk it through.”
“Don’t blame yourself.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I deserved it.”
