Chapter Eleven
Tommy’s days got a lot busier as soon as Ru arrived. Ru came every day for vocal practice. Spending the time learning some of the breathing exercises Tommy had, and running through scales before they sang songs. Ru’s voice would always be a deeper rumble, gritty and decadent, an edge of rock. Tommy had been a bit jealous, but now he felt like he was holding his own. His tenor giving him a bit more versatility, and behind Ru’s moody baritone, it was almost a dancing play of melody even when he was the harmony.
Dane and Bas still visited every other weekend. Paige came most nights of the week after work. His mom stuck to her twice a week visit, but they never talked about the divorce or his father. Tommy couldn’t make himself voice the words, and his mother never broke the façade of perfect and supportive. He was kind of angry over that. He knew she was trying to help him heal, but this was all because of him. Hiding everything, not talking, that gave him more negative self-talk he took to his therapist to work through. He wasn’t ready for a confrontation on it, but had been talking about it with his doctors.
Time. Not everything happened instantly, something he knew better than most these days.
It took him another two weeks to get up the nerve to call the Corbins. They agreed to visit, and get an apology from him firsthand, but would be meeting him without Adam. He was a little sad about that.
That morning started with a panic attack. A doozy of one not triggered by the morning rise in wake hormones, but anxiety over messing this up. Ru loved Adam. If Tommy couldn’t get the Corbins to forgive him, he’d never be allowed back in Adam’s life, which would cut off access to Ru in some ways. How could he spend days with Ru and know that he couldn’t be part of the rest of Ru’s life? What if Ru and Adam got married and he didn’t get to go to their wedding? How many other milestones of his little brother’s life might he miss?
“Get a grip on yourself, Foster,” Tommy snapped. “The Corbins are good people. It was one mistake.” An admittedly very bad one. But his tool box was filling. He didn’t know what he would do if someone offered him a hit or a drink, but he prayed soon he would be strong enough to do the right thing.
He paced his room, waiting for someone to tell him they had arrived. Another pre-therapy visit
in case his brain went nuts. Paige was supposed to come after work, as the shop closed early on Sundays, and he hoped he wouldn’t burden her with another night of chaos. He would rather sit and watch a movie with her in the media room while she stitched. They had taken to cuddling a bit as the days got colder. None of the actual temperature touched them inside as the media room didn’t even have windows. But a warm blanket and them curled up in the double-wide armchair helped ease his mind for sleep and he looked forward to his Sunday evenings with her.
“They’re here,” Shana said stepping into the open doorway of his room. “Are you ready?”
He waited for his gut to cramp in terror and panic to rise, but it didn’t happen. He took a long, controlled breath, clenching and unclenching his fists for a minute as he analyzed everything about how he felt. Stable? Mostly. Strong enough to walk on his own? Check. Worried. Check. Hopeful. Check. He could do this.
“Let’s go.” He followed her out and down the hall. Not to the dining area, but the big entry and all its sprawling couches. It had several more private sections away from the desk, but no one else was around other than the receptionist anyway. Most days Tommy felt like he was the only one in the place, but knew there were at least another seven or eight patients at a time. It was a little sad to think they didn’t want to heal or do the work to heal, and rarely left their private wings.
The Corbins sat on one of the circular couches, looking a lot like Tommy wished his parents had. Hand in hand, smiling and friendly, even when they caught sight of him. The smile Mrs. Corbin threw his way was wide and welcoming.
Tears blurred his vision for a second. He had spent a long time frustrated with himself over the crying. Guys didn’t cry, or so he’d been taught, not as easily as he had been anyway, but it was therapeutic, and he knew it meant he was feeling something he needed to look at and not bury. He had missed them. Not only Adam and through Adam, an access to Ru. But the rock they were. Great parents who didn’t coddle their kid, but also didn’t throw him to the wolves.
“I’m so sorry,” Tommy said as he stood frozen a few feet away. “I’m so sorry. I was stupid. Not thinking.” He’d been in pain. Not physical, but a deep emotional wound that he hadn’t even realized before that moment had been there. He’d been the one with a family in the group. The only one to grow up without real trauma. Or, so he thought. But he’d been sixteen when he’d left home to pursue music, contracts, lights, and independence. His family had mostly abandoned him for the money his fame brought them. Then the group came apart, Ru found someone else, Dane had lost control, and Tommy felt himself yanked from all sides, and still endlessly lonely. A different type of trauma but still something that scarred him.
The Corbins were on their feet and wrapping him in a double hug, squeezing a lot like Ru had, before he’d realized they’d even gotten up. It wasn’t the tentative touch of strangers, more something he’d always wished he’d gotten from his family, full of life, warmth, and forgiveness.
“I’m sorry,” Tommy whispered.
Mr. Corbin touched Tommy’s face and turned it his way. “It won’t happen again. Understood?”
“Yes, sir,” Tommy agreed. “Never again. I’m so sorry.” He stayed in their hug a while longer, the pain and guilt seeping away the longer they stayed. There was no judgement from them, only a recognition that what he’d done had been wrong and he accepted the blame, was working on fixing it.
The sliding door to the entry open and Tommy startled, surprised someone was coming in. But it was Adam. He stood in the doorway a half second, his gaze finding them, and then he was across the room and in Tommy’s arms.
Tommy sucked in air and held tight. He buried his face in Adam’s hair, and breathed in everything. He didn’t have one little brother, he had two. He had been missing so much.
“Thank you,” Tommy told Adam. Everyone had been telling him that it had been Adam who had found this place. Would he be on this path, feeling like he was healing, getting better, had hope, if he’d been sent someplace else?
“You look better,” Adam said.
“Ready to leave your hot boyfriend for me?” Tommy teased. He let go and wiped his eyes, everyone hovering around him, but the attention welcoming and warm.
Adam snorted. “Have you seen him?”
“I have. Maybe tell him he doesn’t need to be the Hulk?” Tommy quirked a brow.
“I do, and he’s really not. He actually bulks up easily. He has scaled back the arms and shoulder training. We still run a ton,” Adam said. “He says it’s improved his singing a lot.”
“Maybe I need to take up running. I feel like I might be putting on weight.” Tommy patted his stomach.
“Pretty sure you have meals for optimum health here,” Adam said. “And honestly, you look a lot better. Not as thin. None of that discoloration around your eyes.” Adam grinned. “I’m glad. I didn’t really know what it was until after prom, and I started researching. It was a sign of your drinking and early warning of liver disease.”
Tommy flinched. “My most recent scan says my Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease is shrinking.” He put his hand on his side. “I used to have pain there and not know what it was. The doctor thinks it might be mostly reversed by the end of the year if I keep up with good eating and exercise.” And no alcohol, but the last didn’t need to be said. He had no intention of ever picking up a bottle again. “Can I give you guys a tour? Or have you already seen everything?”
