I won’t be.
You could be.
Fine, it’s a possibility.
“I’m glad you’re not letting Robin’s release get in the way of planning your future, son. I’m proud of you for that.”
He exchanges a smile with his husband, putting the drinks on the bar where the server can collect them.
“I don’t love it, Dad, but I like the ideas that have been tossed around about finding security for me. For when Stacey’s not around, that is. He’s a lot bigger than Robin. He’ll knock out all his teeth before making sure he’s too afraid to look my direction again.”
Stacey blushes, probably embarrassed by how much he’d enjoy that.
“You’re gonna be okay with security tailing you?” I’m glad he’s open to the idea, but I hate that it’s necessary.
“If it means I’m safe, yeah. At least until we know more. I only have one caveat. I told Stacey that I’ll sign on for whatever you two think is best, so long as I don’t have to think about it.”
“You want us to take over?” Didn’t expect that.
“Are you really that surprised?”
“Yeah. You didn’t appreciate my overbearing nature so much when you lived here.”
He runs a hand through his feathery hockey hair. “That was almost a decade ago. I was at my lowest and angry, but … I like to think I’ve grown up since then, at least a little. In hindsight, youhad it right, and I’m glad you pushed me when you did. Having you to lean on, to guide me during that time was everything, Dad.”
Gotta be here for him to lean on,a little voice reminds me. One that sounds suspiciously like Dirk. Great, he’s in my head about this too, now.
“I’ve got some ideas,” Stacey says. “We’ll talk.”
I nod.
“Plus, if Robin’s gonna do anything, it would have to be by surprise. I’m not as defenseless as I used to be. The most important thing to me is not letting this control my life,” Dash adds.
Brains are assholes. Mine chimes in with a memory of just how controlling I was when he lived here. I still say I was overboard. For a little while, I wouldn’t even let him leave the apartment. I was so fucking scared, but it’s no excuse. That’s what makes me no better than a guy like Maxwell, and I want to be better than him.
Babies. I could have grandbabies.Make up for all the years I wasn’t enough for Dash. Fucking dammit. I still say he deserves better than me.
“Grampa Nolan,” he says, changing the topic to better things. “I can’t wait to see you holding them—one on each arm.”
“What happened to starting with one?” Stacey says, but his expression softens.
And I’m already imagining it, too. They’d be so small. Their little heads would fit perfectly on each of my biceps.
“We could have twins.” Dash shrugs.
“Lord help us,” Stacey says.
God, it’s too late—I want it. Really fucking want it. But if that sparkle in his eyes is anything to go by, Dash wants it, too. Seeing me as a granddad. I always want to give him whatever the fuck he wants, and what he wants is a future where Robin doesn’tscare him. He’d be less scary dead, but then I’d be watching my six for a new reason, for the day I see blue and red outside the restaurant, coming to take me away. Dirk’s right, I’ve been to jail once, and it could happen again. I’d never want my grandbabies brought to a prison just so they could visit me.
You’ve got to let it go.
I’m gonna let it go.
I’ll have to find other ways to protect him.
I squeeze Dash’s shoulder. “You can name one of them Nolan.”
By four o’clock, I’m so fucking ready for Dirk to be done with whatever asinine thing his brother has him doing, so he can be here with me. Stacey and Dash have long gone. Dash did the lunch shift, so after my little visit with them, I ran a few errands and even caught thirty minutes of shut eye, but I woke up with thoughts of Stacey and Dash’s future little ones on my mind. I browsed online for baby clothes.
