My heart lifts as it always does for Julius, but all I’ve got on offer is a weak smile. I understand why Silas does what he does and hell, I know who I am, I don’t want to be involved in their nefarious protection schemes. I do want to know that my partner considers me his equal and not some kid he has to protect.
He doesn’t waste time on words, he’s on his knees, grabbing my hand. The laugh slips from my mouth. “Julius.”
“No. No, amore. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry and there aren’t words to convey just how sorry, but if you’ll let me, I’ll prove it. This will not happen between us again. If you can’t trust me to act of my own volition, then you can’t even know me.”
“Okay. I forgive you. Now, will you get off the floor? You kneeling for me is so not a thing of mine. I may add that to my hard limits.” I’m probably supposed to make him suffer or something, but this is the main benefit of the stellar support system Silas made sure I had—even if it couldn’t be him—you process things a lot faster. I know what I want, and I know how I feel. Time spent angry and upset is wasted time.
He stands still holding my hand as though he’s afraid I’ll turn around and leave. “You shouldn’t forgive me so easily.”
“I’ll admit that this was a bit anti-climactic. I thought we were going to have a huge blowout, but life is too short.”
“What brought you to such quick forgiveness? Your words were strong, amore.”
“I said what I wanted to. I feel heard by both of you—even though there’s no way Silas is getting on his knees to beg forgiveness from me—and I’m moving on. Wallowing won’t do a thing. Oh, and I also got to scream about you both to the entire Sparrow house. That helped.”
“Simon’s going to slip deworming medicine into my food next time, isn’t he?”
“I can neither confirm nor deny if that idea was mentioned over the course of the evening.”
He smiles. “I deserve it.” He kisses my knuckles. “But you should know that while I’m filled with gratitude for your soft-hearted nature, it makes me want to protect you even more. Is there anything else you want to talk about or know?”
“No. I think I know as much as I want to, but I’d like to be updated. It’s not my area of expertise and I don’t want it to be. I trust you and Silas can take care of this kind of thing, but I’d like to know so we can experience it together. I’m not just here to live the good times with you. We’re partners or nothing, Julius.”
“I wish I could make it so there were only good times, but I know that’s not realistic.”
“Then I guess someday I’m going to marry my father.”
He huffs a sigh. “We are a lot alike. I’m forced to admit it, but for one very big difference.”
“Oh?”
Without warning, he scoops me up and brings me to our bed. He’s quick to push my skirt up and tears my panties down. “What are you doing?”
“It’s not obvious?”
“I know you’re intent on sucking my dick, but I just came the other day, Juli. Please don’t tell me this has ruined all our other fun.” It took too damn long as it was to get him to be all big, bad, and dominant with me.
“Don’t worry about that, amore. I’m still your hard-ass lover, but I want to do something I know you’ll like.”
God. This is the part about honesty that sucks because I do love his blow jobs and I would love to come right now, but that’s not the kind of thing that brings me security.
“I love it when you suck my dick, baby, but it’s the other feels I love best and I kinda need that more right now.”
This is one of those times where I’m reminded we’re not like one of the couples or throuples or whatever from one of Darius’s sex novels. Julius and I have only known each other just shy of a year. This is our first real fight. The kink part of our relationship is sacred. I don’t want anything to happen to it.
“I see. My boy thinks that he gets to say when and where I can suck his cock and bring him pleasure. Is that right?”
Thatfeeling, that special unnamable one zings through me at full speed. His brow is razor-sharp and the disapproval in his eyes is real.
I smile.
I’m so messed up.
“Your boy does not think any of that, sir.”
“Good. I want to hear you moan and I want you to come in my mouth.”
There’s one more thing I have to say though because I remember how desperately he told me how much he needed to protect me. Heneedsthat. It’s different from Silas’s protection. It’s special and makes me feel loved in a unique way. “Wait, I … I don’t mind you protecting me. In fact, that’s a requirement. I just want to be able to protect you too—in my own way. Being equal doesn’t mean we have to be the same.”
