Silas had to deliberate, and I knew his process. The only reason he eventually said yes, was because he was so tired and manic that safety was a risk with him driving any more that night.
Shane got out and took the driver’s seat. Simon and Silas piled in on either side of Oliver. As Shane drove, Simon and Oliver became friends. “Did you know that bunnies like songs?”
“Yeah?” Oliver said with the widest eyes.
“Yes. And dancing.”
“I’m! I’m! I’m a ballerbina!” he said. “Didn’t know. Who are you?”
“I’m Simon. Do you want to be friends?”
Oliver looked to Silas. Oliver always looks to Silas even when he doesn’t know he’s doing it. “I can be friends, Baba?”
“Yes. Of course, Eaglet.” Silas ran his fingers through Oliver’s white hair.
“Baba said yes,” he told Simon. It was a meaningful moment.
“That’s good. That’s so good,” Simon said. Simon came alive in a new way. He’d found me, Shane, and Asher … but that hadn’t been enough for him. He needed to feel needed, and Oliver needed him.
“Baba, I can show him my tutu, okay?”
We’d left in such a rush. Silas and I only had the clothes on our backs. In my mad frenzy, had I packed a tutu? That was the question in Silas’s eyes for me as he reached into the bag, praying one of his tutus was there. He pulled out the pink one sprinkled with pixie dust. Oliver clapped and squealed. “Thank you, Baba. Look, Simon! You dance too?”
Simon looked the tutu over with great care. “This is a very nice tutu. I’m afraid no one’s ever taught me. Could you teach me?”
“Yep. Later. Baba says I have to stay in my seat when we is in the car.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” Simon said. “Do you want to hear a story?”
Simon told Oliver and Brix a story. Silas was out of fortitude for the day and remained silent as he watched Oliver make a new friend and eventually doze off.
“We got you, Sye,” I said. “Sleep.”
If he had anything left of him, he would have told me to fuck off, but he didn’t. He passed out as soon as he shut his eyes. Shane reached for my hand and squeezed it. He knew that watching my unshakable brother break down had me ripping apart.
“He’ll be okay,” Shane said. “Eventually.”
I’m sure Shane believed it when he said it.
But I didn’t.
ChapterThirty-Eight
Silas ~ June 1989
We’d been running from him twenty-four-seven for twelve months. There was no rest from it. In my head, I was always running. Always fighting his words that remained twisted inside my skull. Every day resisting the urge to go back to him. Managing the crushing heartache of untangling from him.
Fly back to me, butterfly.
At work. At the park with Oliver. Waiting outside Oliver’s ballet classes.
In all my nightmares.
The was no escaping the persistent chase.
When we learned the news of Father’s death, it was like all the adrenaline came to a full halt and it sapped my strength. I needed to refuel. And then I would have other internal issues to deal with.
It began on a Friday. The five of us moved around a lot in the beginning. We became proficient in picking up odd jobs that paid cash and didn’t ask too many questions. Asher was an asset in this. He knew how to lie smoothly, a skill we all needed. Darius exceeded at cleverness. Together, they concocted our plan of attack as we arrived at each place to secure lodgings and ways to make cash so we could leave less of a trace.
