A firestorm of emotions boils inside me. I force myself to focus on my hatred for Theo.
Hatred is good. Hatred helps me think. Hatred prevents me from being stupid, from thinking bad thoughts — thoughts that have no business living inside my brain. It shouldn’tbethis way. It’s notsupposedto be this way. I hate being touched, that’s a fucking fact. Especially by a man. Just the thought of it makes me feel like there are insects crawling under my skin, their tiny slimy legs digging into me, deeper and deeper with every passing second. It makes me want to rip my skin off.
But somehow, that’s not the case with Theo. When Theo touched me, it felt…
“Hey, Hol?” April says.
“Hm?” I mumble through the plastic.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“It’s a little stupid, so you have to promise not to make fun.”
“No can do.”
She hesitates, shifting in her seat, before finally looking me straight in the eye. “Do you think I’m in over my head about this whole marriage thing?”
Shocked, I just stare at her for a moment. “What?”
She plays with the stem of her martini glass. “Don’t worry, it’s not bad. I still want to marry Parker. I love him more thananything else in this world. He's my best friend, but...” She pauses, her voice trailing off. “What if love isn’t enough, you know? I'm pretty sure, we've loved each other since we were fifteen, but still, shit went down. We stopped talking for eight whole years and…it didn’t matter how much we loved each other back then. What if something happens again and love isn’t enough? What if I mess up again? What if I lose him again? What if he's having doubts too? What if he's only marrying me because he thinks it’s what I want? It did happen pretty quick. What if — why…why aren’t you saying anything?”
“You’re right. It is a little stupid.”
Her face shrinks. “Don’t be mean.”
I put my arm around her, pulling her into a sideways hug. “People panic before weddings. It’s normal. You’re making a huge life decision. It’s okay to worry a little.”
“That doesn’t sound like generic advice at all.”
“Can I finish?”
She nods.
“First, I would just like to make it clear that what I’m about to say in no way implies that I like Hayden Parker. I only like him for you. There’s a difference. And secondly, do you remember that one time Parker punched your douchebag boyfriend’s nose?”
She chuckles. “Yeah, he almost broke his hand.”
“Exactly. He didn’t even think twice. Never mind the fact that he has the hand-eye coordination of a paralyzed toad. Nothing mattered to him except for protecting you. That’s when I knew that this was something way more than just friendship. The two of you love each other like it’s breathing, April. And maybe love isn’t always enough, but who said it has to be? Therearegoing to be ups and downs, both of youaregoing to hurt and disappoint each other, you just have to figure out if you’re willing to go through those ups and downs with him or not. Becauseregardless of what the future holds, the mere ability to say that you loved this person and that they loved you back, is so rare. And god forbid, something does happen and the two of you end up not speaking for another eight years, then do you really think that loser won’t go to hell and back to find his way back to you? There isn’t a single thought in his brain that doesn’t start and finish with you —”
I’m cut off by two arms wrapping around me in a full-fledged hug. April’s voice is muffled, and I feel her sniffle against me.
“Oh, God. Are you crying?”
Pulling back, she wipes her cheeks and smiles at me. Just a little. “You might act all tough, but you’re such a softie, Hollister.”
I wrinkle my nose in disgust. “Don’t fucking call me that.”
April laughs, playfully punching my arm, and I can’t help the smile that tugs at my own lips. We both drink in comfortable silence for a few more seconds before April speaks up again.
“Hol?”
“Yes?”
“Can I tell you something else too? But you have to promise to keep it a secret.”
“Are you pregnant?”
