“And when I realized you’d gone, left me without a word and with no way of contacting you, not even a surname, I was devastated. You cut my heart out and took it with you.”
She shook her head. She’d left her heart with him. He just didn’t realize it.
“I gave up eventually. I told myself to forget you, that I’d meant nothing to you, that you’d diddled me finely.” There was a short silence while she absorbed that. Then he added, “But I couldn’t.”
Zoë said nothing. It was how she’d felt too. She’d told herself over and over that he was a scoundrel who preyed on poor people, but it didn’t make her feel any better. She missed him. He was a constant ache in her heart.
“After you left, it was as if my world had lost all color, a life painted in shades of gray. Then, when I saw the portrait you’d done of Grandmama, it was the first sign of hope, like new green shoots sprouting after a fire. So I went searchingfor you again, this time in London, still with practically no information about you. And then, when I saw you coming down the stairs at that party, glorious in green…I felt alive again.”
She swallowed and gazed out at the landscape flashing past the window. She had no doubt of his sincerity. He might be twisty and devious in some matters, but when he spoke from the heart like this, she had to believe him.
But it wasn’t so simple.
“I’ll go with you to your sister’s, but I’ll need to send a note to my sisters and Lady Scattergood.”
He smiled. “You can write to them when we stop to change the horses, and send the notes back with a courier. They won’t worry then.”
They probably would, but there was no point in saying so.
A short time later they stopped to change horses, and Julian took Hamish for a quick run while Zoë wrote notes to her sisters and Lady Scattergood. She explained her absence as an impulsive visit to his sister. She knew if she mentioned the wordkidnap, her brothers-in-law, Leo and Race, would be following them posthaste, probably with horsewhips.
Julian made arrangements to have the notes delivered and also brought her a mug of tea and a custard tart.
The carriage set off again.
“Am I forgiven?”
“We’ll see.” She nibbled on the tart and sipped her tea. And then she stiffened as something occurred to her. “Julian, I don’t have any baggage!”
He waved that off. “Don’t worry about that. You’ll manage. My sister isn’t fussy about fashion.”
“I’m not talking about fashion, I’m saying I haveno baggage!”
He gave her a blank look. “So? You managed without baggage in France.”
“In France I hada bundle,” she said, exasperated, “containing a complete change of clothes, and…and various other necessities.”
“You can borrow anything you need from my sister,” said the clueless male.
“Won’t she mind?”
He looked perplexed, as if she was making a fuss about nothing. “I don’t see why she would.”
It hadn’t even occurred to him, she realized. “Didyoubring any baggage?”
“Yes, of course. I had my valet pack a valise.”
She breathed deeply and counted to ten. “Will your sister’s clothes even fit me?”
His eyes ran over her, assessing. He frowned slightly. “I’m not sure. The last time I saw her she was”—he gestured—“very round, and you’re not. Except in all the right places,” he added hastily. “But I’m sure it will all work out.”
He was hopeless, she decided. But she loved himanyway.
Chapter Eighteen
The miles passed. For quite a while they were each lost in their own thoughts. Then Julian leaned forward. “So what is it that’s stopping you, Zoë my love? What are you worried about?”
She just looked at him. She didn’t know where to start.
