“What about for next month?” she asked. I heard Steve mumble something in the background, and she told him to be quiet. “You know I can’t pay it all on my own, sweetheart.”
That’s it. I can’t do this anymore.
“Mom, enough of the shit.” I went into the bathroom so I could talk in private. “I know how much money you get each month in your disability check. It’s enough to pay the rent, utilities, your car payment, and have enough for groceries. You need to stop blowing it all on your lowlife boyfriend and start acting like a damn adult instead of a reckless teenaged girl. Because I’m done.”
“What do you mean you’re done?” she asked, cutting the bullshit sweet tone. “I’m your mother and I need help.”
“Yeah, you do need help, Ma. You need to stop abusing your pain meds. And while you’re at it, you need to drop the deadweight leech that’s mooching off you. You won’t get any more money from me, so it’s time for you to grow the hell up.”
Then I hung up on her.
I had wanted to say that to her for the longest time, and now that I had, I felt lighter. She was no longer my problem.
Emery had helped me see my own worth, and I deserved more than a mother who treated me like garbage and allowed her boyfriend to do the same.
“Everything okay?” Faith asked, once I walked back into the room.
“Yep. Wanna grab lunch? I’m starving.” I looked at Vincent, who was putting his textbooks on his desk. “You can join us if you want.”
Faith grinned at me.
“Thanks,” Vincent said. “I’d like that.”
The dining hall didn’t open until Monday when classes officially started, so we walked to the campus cafeteria and grabbed burgers from the fast-food joint tucked inside. Faith and Vincent talkeda lotwhile I sat there zoning, only occasionally chiming in to the conversation.
“Hey, is that Ryan?”
I looked up right as Ryan neared our table. He wore an Arkansas Razorbacks shirt, athletic pants, and a backward ball cap.
“Can we talk?” he asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“S-sure,” I said, glancing at Faith before standing from my chair. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
Faith nodded, concern shining in her eyes.
I followed Ryan out of the cafeteria and back outside. He said nothing at first. He just walked with his eyes forward. When we reached the courtyard near the clock tower, he stopped and turned to me.
“I still want to kick your ass,” he growled, pushing against my chest.
“You didn’t get it all out of your system the first time?”
“Don’t be a smartass, Cason.” Ryan exhaled, sitting on the stone bench as he did. “You have no idea how pissed off I am. You’re my best friend and I just…” He took off his hat and repositioned it. “I don’t know what to do.”
I sat beside him, but not too close. We stared at the people who passed by, some laughing and some too absorbed in their phone to see the world around them.
“I never meant to fall for Emery,” I said, resting my arms on my knees.
“How did it even happen?” Ryan sounded more curious than angry, though frustration still lingered in his tone. “Not that I want a bunch of details or anything.”
“I’ve struggled with things for about two years now,” I said, deciding the best way to tell him was to start from the beginning. “I didn’t know at the time I was gay, but I always feltdifferent.I didn’t want any of the girls you tried throwing at me, and the ones who liked me I didn’t feel the same.”
“What about Lindsey?” he asked. “You almost fucked her at Trev’s party graduation night.”
“Only because I felt like I had to. You and the guys on the team constantly hounded me about rejecting her, so I felt like I had something to prove. She really did almost puke on me, but I would’ve stopped it even if she hadn’t. It felt wrong, Ry. Really wrong.”
“And being with my dad felt right?” he asked with a scoff.
“Yeah, it did,” I said, looking at him. Hoping he could see how serious I was. “When I realized I might be gay, I was terrified.”
