“I’m beginning to realize that.” I reply and the words don’t come out as hard as I want them to.
“Did something happen up there? Is that why you’ve locked yourself away in this house? Is that why you won’t let me off the property to explore the town?”
Anger flares inside my gut, “Why are you so keen on leaving? There is nothing outside for you. All you need or want is right here.”
“Nothing but fresh air. People to talk to. Food. Fun. Life.” She snaps back.
She’s not wrong about any of it. “I can get you whatever you want right here.”
“No, you can’t. It’s nice that you would try. But that’s not how life works. It can’t be contained within four walls.”
We stare at each other for a few seconds and I feel myself longing to know all the experiences she is wanting to have. Just as quickly as that thought pops in my head I push it away.
I know what’s outside. People. People stare. They question. They attack. I’m not going to open myself up like that no matter what Brenna says.
Still I know staying as closed off as I’ve been isn’t going to make the environment she’s been forced into any better.
Giving my best impersonation of someone who cares, I soften my voice, “Look, I can’t give you everything you want but I can try to make your time here a little more palatable. I’ve seen you looking around, maybe we can take one of the rooms and make it into something you’ll like.”
“Lights? Do you have electric lights here? We can start with that.” She raises an eyebrow at me.
I can’t stifle the groan I release. I don’t like the electric lights, it makes everything so much harsher. But I will give in to this one small request from her.
I walk over to a large window and push back the dark blackout curtains. On the side is a light switch. I click it up and the entire hallway is bathed in bright lights.
I squint for a second trying to adjust before I look up at the chandeliers that line the ceiling. Many of the bulbs are either blown out or dimmed and will need to be changed if she intends to continue using the lights. "I'll get some replacement bulbs delivered and changed before the week is out."
She nods, completely unfazed by the bulbs I'm so focused on.
“Oh, wow! It looks so different than before. I didn’t even realize there was such detail in the wallpaper.” She moves closer to the walls as if she’s seeing some great discovery.
I look on the walls with renewed eyes. The wallpaper hasn’t changed since I’ve lived here. It’s black, matte but there are small silver threads woven into the surface to give it almost a marble effect.
I remember as a child I’d try to follow the threads, almost like a game of connect the dots. It was a great way to distract myself when my father was handling business in those upstairs rooms.
Every time one of his enemies would scream out in pain I’d have to start over. It was a morbid game but it was all I could play at times like that. Times that seem to be very frequent.
“Yeah, it’s different.” I admit.
For some reason with the lights on I can see all the cracks and peeling in the wallpaper from years of lack of upkeep. The house was really falling down around me. In the dark it didn’t seem so bad. Now, I can see all the problems and it's concerning to say the least.
Brenna turns to face me, her face bright and a smile I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing very often.
Why do I feel like this? Is it just because I’m here with her? What does it matter if she’s smiling?
The emotions warring inside of me only build more frustration. Frustration that we are stuck here together. Frustration that I want to touch her when she so evidently doesn’t want me anywhere near her. Frustration that I’m being forced to change.
“Now that I can see what it looks like with lights and not just candles, maybe we can start to fix some things up.”
This is where I draw the line, “I don’t want to fix things up. I offered you a room to make your own. If you want to do that I’ll allow it. The rest of the house stays the same.” I growl at her and it has the desired effect. Her smile drops off and she flinches back.
This is how I want her. How I can control both her and myself. Fear.
“You can’t expect me to agree to live like this. My father is in construction. I know when buildings need to be torn down. This place is one bad storm away from falling down around us.”
“So be it. At least they’ll know where to find the bodies.” I answer.
She gasps and shakes her head, “If you think I’m going to stay...”
