“Adolfo is bringing him in, he told me to come and tell you beforehand,” Stefano bows.
“Study, now,” my father snaps and Stefano steps out to go there to wait for my father.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that. The streets won’t be safe now for you, princess. Please stay in for a few days. If you have to go out, please make sure Matteo or Amato are with you.”
“I will, father,” I reply with grace. I can’t promise him, because I will go stir crazy staying in. And I can’t take Matteo or Amato with me when I need to find Ivan. I need to make sure he’s okay.
I think I know where to go to do just that, but I have to go alone. I pour some juice and take it to my room, formulating a plan to ensure I see Ivan again.
Seventeen
Ivan
I got home from my excursion and hit the bag, hard. For an hour I pounded the shit out of it, so hard, I broke the chain it was hanging on. I hate when people get in my head. My father, Tim, my uncle, Adelina. So many thoughts swirling in my head. My uncle wants me to be a fighting machine. My father asks me to torture, only when needed. He also wants me to try and move on, find love. Tim wants me to go out more. Adelina wants me to see the world. I needed an outlet.
Drenched in sweat I finally take a break. My father called twice and I ignored it. Time to call him back.
“You’ve been dodging my calls,” he answers the phone.
“I know. I just needed to breathe,” I tell him.
“Is your uncle having you do things you don’t want to do?”
“No. Pavel has been taken care of by the way,” I meant to call him after the fight, but decided not to.
“I know. I heard. Why do you punish yourself so?”
“What do you mean?”
“I know I was hard on you. Your mother was the one who showed you the kindness you needed in the world. I know that was messed up when she passed.”
“She was killed in front of me, you mean?”
“Yes. That would be hard on any child. I raised you the best I could, trying to get you to see responsibility. Your loyalty knows no bounds. I love you for that. And being burned by Ivana, that was a tough break. I know our world is a hard place to live in, but you don’t have to be that demon you make yourself out to be. Your heart still beats,” he says.
“I don’t know how to move on,” I admit.
“You just do. Yes, you are a killer. You do it in the name of your Pakhan, but you can still leave that at the door and go home to someone. You’re capable of love. I’ve seen it. You help people when they need it. You put your life on the line for others. If you’re open to it, I have some acceptable girls,” he says.
“What about love?” I sound like a little kid.
“It comes with time. I loved your mother, it took us some time to get there. And you were a result of that love. Don’t let that darkness take over, you’ll never recover,” he says.
I take a breath and think about that for a bit.
“Anything you need me to do?”
“Not kill people in the ring anymore. I know you like to fight because you need it. But I think if you found a good woman, you’d see that you don’t have to fight those demons alone.”
Adelina said almost the same thing. I’m not alone.
“Do you think enemies could become friends?”
“I think in any business, people can come to some sort of an agreement. I’m not going to lie, I’ve killed and tortured just like you. I compartmentalize that part of me when I was home. I tried to shield it from you as much as I could. But your legacy is to take my place someday. We don’t always have to kill off the enemy to cement our place in the world.”
“But you’re feared by everyone. I am, but for different reasons,” I retort.
“I’m feared because they know what I’m capable of. You’re feared because you ripped a man’s head clean off his body,” he says.
