Kit’s shoulders tensed. His tail lashed, hand creeping towards the sword in his belt. Nick reached out, catching his attention, but not his hand. “He’s joking,” Nick said. “He can’t hurt me. Our dad would never forgive him.”
Kit studied Nick’s expression at length. He moved his hand away from the hilt of his sword and nodded. “I will return soon,” he said.
Kit left, and Nick turned his attention back to the shower. The water came from a metal head in several small jets, only slightly warm, but the pressure was decent. Nick began the slow process of removing his clothes, hissing through his teeth as he lifted his arms to peel off his shirt.
“I can hurt you, but I won’t,” Connor said.
Nick got the shirt off, panting. “Thanks for clarifying.”
“Don’t be a dickhead. It’s not that I won’t hurt you because Trevor would be upset; it’s that I won’t hurt you becauseIdon’t want to. Alright?” Connor’s voice was level. Calm.But. Nick peered through the screen at his shape. He wasn’t relaxinginto the chair; he was right on the edge, feet planted firmly on the ground, hands joined tightly on his lap.
And Nick, even though Connor had been largely unreadable to him from the moment they met, sensed his upset. There was just something in the levelness of his voice that tipped Nick off, though whatever it was, he was picking up on it subconsciously.
Nick almost said ‘right, right’ and dismissed it. But that would have been avoiding Connor again. Hiding from actually opening up to him or allowing the possibility of connecting beyond the ‘getting along’ they’d done for the past year.
“I didn’t know that,” Nick admitted. He put his head under the spray of water, closing his eyes and letting it wash away the violence of the night. “I was horrible to you. I’ve never even apologised.”
“You weren’t horrible.”
“Don’t lie.”
The chair creaked as Connor shifted his weight. “I understand why, Nick. And I think you were the only one to actually treat me normally, given the situation. And the second the charges against me were proven false, you never treated me badly again.”
Nick unclasped his trousers and kicked them aside to join the shirt. The water stung where two of his piercings had shifted. He might have to take them out. “I knew before then,” Nick told him.
Connor didn’t say anything.
Nick found a tub of soap flakes on a shelf and took a handful, washing himself. His chest was tender, and the gash on his arm went deep, but he was certain the bone-deep tiredness came from Desre and the aftereffects of her magic. The emotional plateau came from scooping out his guts in Kit’s accepting embrace.
“I forgive you,” Connor said.
Don’t run away,he told himself. Nick shut his eyes. “I hate that Laurence copies you.”
Connor snorted. “I know.”
“Since you’ve joined the family, I haven’t got to be his big brother.”
Connor didn’t snort this time. The air between them grew heavy just as the water from the spout went from warm to hot. Nick leaned into the flow, breathing in wisps of steam. “And with us… Obviously, I know it’s not going to be the way it is with Laurence, but I don’t know what todowith you.” A shaky, upset breath fizzled out of him.
“I think we get along,” Connor said after a hesitant pause.
“We do.” The same way Nick ‘got along’ with his professors and fellow students in college. “Shouldn’t I get more than that from you, though?” he asked.
A minute passed.
“You do,” Connor said quietly. Nick blinked the water from his eyes, peering through the latticework at Connor’s bent form. “I told you at Vi’s party that you were bothering me, remember? Because I couldn’t feel where you were? Everyone I’m close to, I have been able to find for months now, except for you, and that has been annoying the hell out of me…but it wasn’tmedoing the blocking. I’m not like them, Nick. I’m never going to have that innate goodness –”
“That is such bullshit, yes you do.”
“Listen to me.” Connor’s voice was firm. “As far as I can tell, Laurence and Trevor are reincarnated angels. And I’m sorry if you feel like I’m robbing you of Laurence, but I won’t give either of them up for anything.”
“I don’t want you to!” Nick erupted. “I want you to have them. Jesus, that isn’t what I’m trying to get at all.”
“Whatareyou getting at?”
Nick gritted his teeth but forced himself to talk. “Text when you’re home.”
“Okay,” Connor agreed, a confused note in his voice.
