Adonis heaved himself up onto the edge of the altar, the stones creaking as if they might collapse under his weight. His tail slapped hard against the side of the well, sending ripples through the draining water.
He sat there huffing, proud. He looked up –
– eyes sliding past Nick as if he didn’t exist.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Despair opened its gaping mouth and swallowed Nick whole.He still can’t see me. The now-familiar burn rippled through his arms.
He slid to the ground. Kit was there in a moment, supporting Nick so even though he went to his knees, he didn’t fall as far as he should.
“I forgave him,” Nick mumbled. He was aware that the others were talking, but he couldn’t think beyond his own internal landscape. He forgave Adonis.
“You did,” Kit said.
Kit supported his shoulders, holding him through the burn. Their previous conversation came back to him. Nick had made declarations, promises, that the spell now proved false. But it wasn’t false.
“I didn’t lie,” Nick gritted out through the pain. He couldn’t stand Kit thinking that Nick hadn’t meant it when he said all of this was worth it to meet him. He lifted his head to meet Kit’s eyes. The burning smell of his own blood bubbling turned it into a glare. “I didn’t. You’re worth it. You are.”
Kit petted his hair back from his face, his touch gentle. In his eyes was understanding. Forgiveness. “I believe you,” Kit said, steady. “You are an honest man. Yet…you have lied about something.”
Nick trembled.
“It isn’t Adonis whom you blame.”
The words, spoken so kindly, hit Nick like a blow to his heart. His brain roared an objection even as shame washed through him. He bent forward, burying his face in Kit’s chest. For comfort. To hide. A sob crawled its way out of his throat. “I can’t help it.”
“I know.”
“I don’t mean it. I don’t even believe it.” Nick dug his forehead tighter into Kit’s chest, tears streaming down his face. It was so hard to breathe.
“I know.”
“Nothing that happened was his fault. He was a victim. He’s kind. He loves Laurence to death. He loves Dad. It wasn’t his fault.” Pain seared Nick’s heart, a far brighter pain than the burn in his arms.
“Irrational fears don’t like listening to rational arguments.” Kit cradled Nick’s head, holding him tight and secure to his body. “You told me that.”
Nick’s jaw clenched tight. His eyes burned with tears as his mind rebelled. Shied away. Not even Desre could have dragged this truth from his lips. But Kit’s chest hummed with the most soothing of purrs, encouraging him towards damnation with the promise that it wouldn’t end him. And Nick realised then that he was clasping Kit’s hand. That Kit was letting him. Despite everything, Kit trusted Nick not to hurt him.
“It’s Connor’s fault.” Nick choked on the bitter words. “It’s his fault Laurence is going to come here the moment he finishes school. It’s his fault that Dad’s going to follow. It’s hisfault they won’t be safe. If he’d never become part of the family, everything would befine.”
Kit’s chin rested on the top of Nick’s head, hand cradling his nape. He drew Nick close to him, tail curling around his body and holding. Acceptance from every angle.
The burning in his arms abruptly lessened.
“Connor’s safety keeps you awake at night too.”
Nick’s next breath came easier, but his voice was hoarse. “Yeah.”
“You love him too.”
Nick was too strung out for anything but the truth. “Yeah.”
“Can you forgive him?”
“He hasn’t done anything wrong.”
“You have passed many sleepless nights because of him. You have known fear and anxiety because of him. You have ended up here, hurt and alone, because of him.”
