‘Is this how all your town meetings go?’
‘I don’t know.This is my first.’
‘Shhh,’ admonishes Shaz.‘The fighting is myfavouritebit.’
‘I don’t want to put words in anyone’s mouths,’ continues Ursula, sounding very much like she actually would like that, ‘but I think that an emergency situation is no reason to bypass due process.After all, IamHead of the PTA and the Neighbourhood Watch for Pen-y-Môr, so I have as much local seniority asyou, Tamara.’
The room is a collective held breath as everyone waits for Tamara, who looks increasingly wearied, to respond.She takes a few seconds, that classic politician’s pause, before turning to the audience and asking, ‘Does someone want to nominate a leader of this emergency committee?Anyone?’
‘I nominate Ms Yang,’ shouts back a wiry little woman who looks like a lively bird.She is wrapped up in a huge knitted roll-neck navy jumper that seems to swallow her whole.
‘Thank you, Priti.’
‘Also good people?’asks Nash.
‘Good people,’ Shaz confirms.
‘Well, I nominate Ursula Caldecott,’ calls another voice.Everyone’s heads turn to look at the speaker, a ruddy-faced boor of a man inexplicably wearing a short-sleeved shirt despite how desperately cold it is in here.He, somehow, reclines in his chair, his palms facing the sky in atry megesture.
‘Of course he does,’ cackles Shaz quietly.‘That’s the pub landlord, Mervyn.He fancies himself Ursula’s second husband.’
‘Not good people?’Nash asks.
‘Total arsehole.’
‘Noted.’
Christopher had had an inkling that local politics – or whatever isn’t strictly politics but acts as if it is – was sometimes very dramatic given the stories his mother would recount to his father.No wonder she enjoyed it.Esther Calloway is not one to suffer fools or back down from fights.She would thrive here, and everyone would already be assigned into their roles.He can’t imagine she would have taken much notice of this request for democracy, which could be a good or bad thing, depending on how you look at it.
Tamara, on the other hand, looks suddenly as if she’s about to sack the whole lot in and go to bed.
Still standing, Ursula looks like the cat who got the cream.‘Why, thank you Mervyn.At least someone cares about due process and standards.’
She sinks slowly to her seat, not taking her eyes off Mervyn, and Christopher feels a little sick, as if he’s just watched a kind of foreplay in public.
‘Oh, we’re all aware of your standards, Urs,’ mutters Shaz a little too loudly.‘We all got the emails about our lawns being centimetres too tall over summer.’
Exasperated and quickly losing control of the meeting, Tamara taps her forehead with her hand.‘Right, everyone,can we please just skip to the voting?Your choice is Ursula or me.Let’s get this over with.’
‘Excuse me,’ says Ursula, rising to her feet again.‘But are we not going to blind it?Or maybe we need someone impartial to count?’
‘I’ll do it.’Shaz gleefully waves an arm in the air.This is met with a polite but firm ‘No, thank you’ from Tamara and an ‘Absolutely not’ from Ursula.
‘It needs to be someone impartial and you are not impartial, Sharon,’ sneers Ursula.
‘And why aren’t you impartial?’whispers Nash.
‘Oh, because I fucking hate her,’ laughs Shaz, not even trying to keep her voice down.
‘To be fair, Ursula, I think everyone in this room lives in Pen-y-Môr and knows both of you, so really no one is truly impartial,’ says Priti.Her attempt to soothe the situation is met by a death glare from Ursula that could rival Medusa for petrification powers.The already-minute Priti shrinks in her seat.
Before Christopher realises that it’s happening, Nash stands up and addresses everyone.‘Hi!Hello everyone!Could I get your attention just for one second please?’
The room falls silent.
‘Sit back down,’ Christopher hisses.
‘Don’t you dare,’ says Shaz.‘Keep going!’
