‘Speaking of food, I think it might be beans on toast for dinner.’
Nash winces.‘I knew I’d be participating in a British culinary exchange, but does it have to be that?’
They stomp up the stairs together to investigate what’s left in Christopher’s rather bare cupboards.
‘Aha!’cries Nash, on his hands and knees with his head deep in a cupboard.He wriggles out with a packet of instant risotto.‘I can work with this.’
‘I didn’t even know that was in there.’
Nash flips the packet over.‘Well, that date is close enough to being this year that I’ll take the risk.’
Christopher watches as Nash navigates the kitchen, setting a pan filled with cold water on the stove.He tears the packet open, and tips the powdered cheese, rice and dehydrated vegetables into the water.
‘Let’s not get food poisoning right before Christmas,’ Christopher says, peering into the pan.
‘We’ll nuke it.It’ll be fine.’
‘While ...erm.While we wait for that, I was wondering ...if we could perhaps discuss what happened last night?’Christopher stares resolutely at the wall as he speaks.
Nash glances at him.‘About us having sex, you mean?’
‘Well.Yes.’The heat of his cheeks burns.
‘What do you want to talk about?’
That’s a good question, really.It just feels as if he’s surrounded by unknowns here.He tries to find the words forthe feelings that swarm him, but the words flee his tongue.There’s not been enough time to really process any of this, and that’s half the problem.
Nash must see him drowning, so softly offers, ‘Do you want to not do it again?Because that’s fine.’
‘No,’ Christopher blurts, surprising himself, but finding it is actually true.The little grin on Nash’s face is intoxicating.‘I’m just worried it’s a bad idea.’
Nash tilts his head, like a dog listening for command.‘Talk me through the bad.’
‘It just complicates things.’
It hangs in the air for a little while, and Christopher is half waiting for Nash to ask him if he’s catching feelings so that he can furiously refute it, but Nash doesn’t.Perhaps that can of worms is best left unopened.Like the beans.
‘That’s true,’ Nash says slowly.‘So why don’t we set down some boundaries?’
‘Like what?’
‘Well, other than the very obvious points of consent in the moment, we can stop doing this if it becomes not fun for anyone for whatever reason.’
Christopher nods along.
This does all sound reasonable, and he absolutelydoeswant to sleep with Nash again.But there’s a pang in his chest that won’t shift.Perhaps it’s just the knowing that this can only be finite.After all, he has got the chance to spend the next few nights with the man of his literal dreams, while also knowing that that same man will be leaving the country when the snow lifts.That’s got to be doing a number on his overtired brain.‘Yes.Right.That makes sense.But also ...we didn’t talk about whatyouwant and don’t want.’
‘Christopher,’ Nash says, a little too softly.A little too tenderly.He looks up at Christopher, and God, he could sink into Nash’s green eyes.
* * *
Nash
Nash wondered when this would come up, but then, Christopher really seemed to know what he was doing when they first fucked, and had taken directions well enough to keep him focussed on what Nash liked.
After all, it’s been no secret that Nash is trans, as Christopher obviously knew who he was from the off.That role onParental Unitshad landed in Nash’s lap specificallybecausethey were looking for a trans teenager to play his character, Luke, and because they’d seen his variousx many weeks on Tvideos on the early days of YouTube.His transness has been on public record for so long that sometimes Nash forgets he still has to come out with some people.
Still, he’d purposefully left out his testosterone gel on the bedside table, just in case everything wasn’t obvious enough.
