‘What face? This is just my rapt face.’
‘I hate it!’ Kit laughs. ‘Please no more listening-face. Maybe just don’t look at me.’
‘All right, all right,’ she concedes.
Haf shifts back round to face the fire and leans back against the couch as well, giving the muscles in her back a much-needed break. The wine is helping, as did the hot shower, but stiffness is setting in, especially in the muscles she didn’t even know she had.
Beside her, Kit fidgets with her hair as she works out where to start. ‘The thing is, sometimes people see the walking stick before me. It’s not always easy to work out how someone is going to react, which is a lot of mental energy with new people.’
‘I can relate to that,’ Haf says, before realising she just interrupted. ‘Sorry, go on.’
‘Some people are just like “Oh hey, a cool walking stick, okay.” Others start wondering why I’m using one when I’m a young person, which means they ask a bunch of questions like “Why are you using that?” or “Did you break your leg?” and then they get all shirty when I tell them I’m disabled, like I offended them.And sometimes that means that they talk down to me, like I’m a child.’
‘I can’t imagine anyone talking down to you,’ Haf mutters. ‘Not that I don’t believe they do, from what you say. I just mean, I can’t believe they’d do that to you specifically, seeing as you’re, you know... terrifying.’
‘That’s sweet of you.’
‘I truly mean it.’
‘I bet,’ she says with a wolfish grin. ‘And yet still, I get fucked around a lot or they misunderstand, though sometimes I can’t help but feel they’re doing that wilfully. Like how is it complicated to understand going to the office unnecessarily wipes me out, and I will do better and more work at home, where I can look after myself, rather than satisfying someone’s desire for presenteeism?’
‘Do they just presume you’re slacking off or something?’
‘Yeah, even though I’m handing in the work.’
‘That . . . doesn’t even make sense.’
‘Tell me about it. The amount of energy I have to waste fighting for a bit of adjustment and then explaining that I am still working is ridiculous.’
‘Especially because you must already be exhausted, like all the time? I’ve known you like forty-eight hours and I feel like I’ve worked that out.’
‘I appreciate that, by the way.’
Haf shrugs. ‘It shouldn’t be a big deal to meet someone where they’re at.’
‘Hmm,’ Kit says. ‘Quite. Anyway, all this makes a person pretty tenacious, or it did for me. I’ll never let them squash me out when I deserve to be there and supported at the same time, irrespective of the good work I do. And the good PR for them.’
‘Ugh, seriously?’
‘Seriously. Which is fucking bullshit, because they should do that anyway, because I’m good. I’m really fucking good.’
‘I can imagine,’ Haf says softly. ‘You know... I really admire you. I wish I could stand up for myself more. It’s not the same thing but...’
‘No, go on. Tell me about it,’ Kit encourages.
‘I just... I feel like there’s nothing left of me after work. I’m just doing so much and they won’t hire anyone to help—’
‘And I bet like they’re acting like it’s your fault you’re not keeping up.’
‘Exactly! Like, maybe part of itisme. Maybe I’m not suited to it. But I feel so ground down that I can’t even work it out.’
‘What does Christopher say about it? I figure out of everyone he probably gets what it’s like to work for a place that’s eating away at you.’
‘Yeah, what’s up with that?’ she mutters. ‘Why doesn’t he just quit?’
‘You tell me.’ Kit sighs. ‘I know he doesn’t tell you much about important things like Christmas traditions and major events you might have to attend, but surely you’ve talked about that?’
Talking to Kit has been so easy that Haf has to remind herself that she’s supposed to be his girlfriend. ‘Err, only a little. He holds a lot in, doesn’t he?’ she says.
