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No smile grows, but she does walk towards Haf, dropping her scarf on the couch as she passes.

‘Oh... Yes, I remember,’ she says, her voice low, slightly barbed. Only a few hours ago, that rasp made Haf swoon. Now she’s just terrified of what Kit’s going to say next.

Fucking hell.Please don’t tell them I drooled all over you in the bookshop.

But Kit just holds her hand out to shake.

A lifetime passes before Haf realises she needs to reach out and shake it, and gets to her feet, trying not to fall over as her legs threaten to turn to overcooked noodles.

As she takes Kit’s hand, sparks soar through her body from her fingertips all the way up to her brain. All day she had been dreaming about what it would be like to touch her, and now that’s come true, in front of Kit’s whole family, under the shadow of a huge lie about who she is.

Their eyes lock on each other, and Haf bites down on her lip.

‘It’s so funny, but... You just look familiar to me, that’s all. You must get that all the time, right? Just one of those faces,’ says Kit, and there can be absolutely no doubt about it.

Kitdoesrecognise her.

Her mouth completely dries up, but she pushes through, not wanting to make this moment even weirder than it already is. With a too-high silly voice, Haf manages to say, ‘Yeah, maybe!’

Truthfully, the only person she’s ever really compared to is Annie fromShrill, which she suspects is more about her bodytype than her actual face. All she can do is follow Kit’s lead and pretend they’ve never met. But boy, does it feel awkward.

‘It’s nice to meet you,’ Haf says in her sunniest voice.

Raising her eyebrow into a sharp arch, Kit drops her hand. Were they touching this whole time?

The dogs, clearly aware of the sexual tension above them, start whining very loudly. They probably think she’s having some kind of medical emergency from all the physiological signs of being completely mortified and horny all at once. And Haf is out of treats to distract them.

Hopefully, the Calloways are not secretly experts in animal behaviour or the queer experience of realising everyone knows everyone, including your exes and people you wanted to kiss in bookshops.

Luckily, the rest of the humans appear completely oblivious.

‘What’s wrong with you girls today?’ Christopher coos, slapping his thighs to call them over. The dogs turn their wiry little faces towards him for just a second, but quickly return to jittering around Haf’s feet. ‘Perhaps they just want some more snacks from you.’

As if in response to his obliviousness, Luna harrumphs and Stella sneezes.

‘They must just be really excited about a new person being here,’ offers Kit airily. ‘You know, a completely new person they’ve never met before ever.’

If the floor could open up right now, that would be really great. Perhaps she could just immolate herself in the fireplace, or maybe she can walk out into the cold and never return, freezing to death like an old-time explorer.

Kit is not going to make this easy on her, that much is clear.

‘It’s good to see you, sis,’ says Christopher, rising to greet her. It appears that Christopher has not noticed the sapphic drama inthe living room, which is probably for the best. How the hell is she going to explain this to him?

The siblings have a moderately awkward hug that looks more like someone stacking two planks of wood closer together than a loving embrace. They exchange a little small talk about the train from London, which Haf completely misses because she’s still considering all the ways she could extricate herself from this situation.

They look so different from each other. Where Christopher has the complexion of an English rose, Kit is dark like Otto – rich dark brown, almost-black hair and warm earth tones in their skin. She must have got the height from him too, as she’s almost as tall as Christopher.

Maybe that’s what inherited wealth gets you: height.

It’s like she’s in that horrible giant world fromThe BFGbut instead of being terrifying, the giants are hot and wealthy. Right now, she feels more snozzcumber than Sophie...

She only snaps out of her mild panic spiral when Kit announces she’s going for a lie-down before dinner and disappears upstairs.

Thank God.

If anything was going to put a wrinkle in their plans, it’s this. It’s having flirted very intensely with your fake boyfriend’s sister over sapphic literature. Kit is a major fucking wrinkle.

The grandfather clock chimes the hour, the sound cutting through the room.Saved by the bell, thinks Haf.