Kit, Haf and Christopher squeeze onto the couch, while Laurel and Ambrose hang back by the Christmas tree, briefly distracted by baby photos.
It’s weird to think that only five days ago she was in here choking on mulled wine and trying to impress them. And now? Where do you begin?
Luckily, Otto breaks the silence by clearing his throat. ‘So! Haf, welcome back. I believe we owe you an apology.’
‘No, honestly, you don’t. No one is at fault here. Well, maybe Christopher and I for lying to everyone,’ she says, trying to control the roil in her stomach. ‘But, Esther, you only did what any parent would do in these... super weird circumstances.’
Clearly gathering her thoughts, Esther sits quietly, only reacting when Otto places a loving hand on her shoulder.Eventually, she looks up and takes a deep breath. ‘Haf, before... everything happened, I told you that I deeply admired the way you went out of your way to help people. And I still feel that way, even if I think Christopher asked you to behave in a way that’s... beyond comprehension.’
Even though this is mostly complimentary, Haf still wants to crawl up into a little ball and just vanish. Christopher seems to feel the same because he cringes.
‘And even if I don’t quite understand all of it, Christopher has made it very clear that you were doing it to help him. It would be wrong of me to snub you for something that I like about you, even if I don’t quite understand it.’
‘It wasn’t just that,’ she begins, and Kit elbows her sharply as if to say stop talking, but she doesn’t. ‘I just don’t want you to think this was purely altruistic! I didn’t want to spend Christmas alone...’
The words hang awkwardly in the air and Haf wishes she could take them back, grab them out of the air and stuff them back into her mouth.
‘Loneliness drives us all to do strange things,’ says Otto kindly.
‘That’s how we ended up on our first date,’ Esther replies, and that breaks the tension. ‘What I was upset about this morning was that I thought perhaps you’d lied to us about who you were. I’m not one to trust easily, as you might have guessed, and I reacted without thinking it through. And for that, I am sorry. Even if you say it’s understandable, I still behaved unkindly and didn’t give you an opportunity to explain yourself or speak to my children first.’
‘Thank you, Esther. I’m sorry for hurting you,’ Haf says.
Esther gives her a short nod. ‘So, let me get this straight,’ she says, her tone returned to classic pointed, slightly disbelieving Esther. ‘You two were never together? And you two are nowtogether. And you two aren’t back together, but are friends again? And I’m terribly sorry, but I don’t actually know who you are.’
‘Oh, I’m Ambrose, the flatmate. I’m here for moral support,’ they say. ‘But yes, that sounds about right.’
‘Naturally,’ she says, a little bemused. ‘It’s like the end of a key party.’
‘Oh God, Mother, why do you know what a key party is?’ Kit shrieks.
‘I’m not dead yet, Kit.’
‘I wish I was.’
‘It’s all perfectly simple, if you ask me.’ Otto laughs. ‘Now, I’m not sure which bits we are celebrating or not celebrating, but I think perhaps we should, at the very least, have a toast to the most exciting Christmas we’ve had. What do you say, dear?’
‘Yes, I think perhaps we should toast the official new member of our family,’ she agrees. And after a pause, she adds, ‘And Ambrose.’
To her relief, everything goes okay. With all the secrets out in the open, a weight has been lifted. They all settle around the fire, nibbling on canapés and drinking cocktails like it was a totally normal family gathering, and not the resolution of the weirdest Christmas in history. The dogs beg for corners of pastry and bits of cheese as they eat curled up in the living room.
When Haf clears up all the plates and tidies up the kitchen, Esther appears by her side and gives her a little arm squeeze of thanks. It’s going to be a while before things become easy between them, but this feels like a good start.
With a little encouragement, Christopher talks about his plans for starting patisserie school and, to Haf’s reliefs, both of his parents look extremely proud of him. Practically the moment he’s finished speaking, Esther pulls up her calendar and bookshim to make cakes for several upcoming events. She even asks Laurel and Ambrose to design her some new outfits.
While they’re chatting, Otto takes her aside and says, ‘Now, I realise that this might seem like a poisoned chalice given everything else, but I do have a role in the care-home side of the business I need to fill that I think you would suit. I told you those estates come with large grounds, and honestly, I haven’t known where to start on making sure we’ve got the best use of the habitat, never mind making it more accessible for the residents and perhaps even open to the public. I think you, with your combination of people skills and the on-hand knowledge, would be a great fit for that. And to be clear, I’m offering this with no expectations and not because you’re my real and fake daughter-not-quite-in-law. It’s because I think you’d be an asset to the business.’
‘Thank you,’ she says, a little overwhelmed at the offer. ‘Let’s talk about it after Christmas? I’d really like to know more.’
He gives her a clap on the back, which turns into a one-armed hug.
Later, she mistakenly says she can’t quite believe they got away with it all, before Ambrose reminds her that she hasn’t told her parents.
‘Oops, well my phone is dead,’ she sighs. ‘Guess it will have to wait.’
‘Don’t worry, I have their number,’ Ambrose says, starting a call before she can object. Luckily, they do help her explain everything to them – Christopher, the fake dating, the horrible job she just quit, and best of all, Kit. They are admittedly a bit confused, even more so when Esther enquires after the ayahuasca ceremony, which obviously did not happen, but seemed to accept it anyway.
As evening turns into night, Laurel and Ambrose decide to head off. Laurel had insisted that since Ambrose was alreadyhere, they get started on their plans and demanded they come stay with her. When they stand in the hallway putting on coats and shoes, Haf grabs them both and pulls them a huge hug.
