‘Is this—?’ she begins, an enormous glittering smile spreading across her face.
Before she can protest or explain the ring, Esther has pulled her into a hug that knocks the wind out of her.
‘Otto! Otto! Come quick! They’re engaged!’ Esther shouts.
From across the kitchen, Christopher looks up, his eyes wild. Christ, as he would say.
‘Oh, what a joyous day!’ Esther says, scuttling off to find Otto, still calling his name. Air rushes back into her lungs as Esther releases her.
At all the excitement and noise, Stella and Luna rush in, barking and yapping and jumping, quickly followed by Otto, who strides in with the air of Santa delivering presents. In his arms is an enormous and horrifyingly expensive-looking bottle of Champagne. Where do these people keep all this fancy fizz?
‘Wait—’ bleats Christopher, but his parents don’t hear.
The bottle opens with a loud pop, and Esther’s hands are full of clean glasses ready for toasting. At their feet, the dogs fight over who gets to play with the cork.
‘My boy! I knew you could do it,’ Otto bellows, clapping him hard on the back.
Her mouth hangs open, but realising she needs to look happy, she affects a distinctlyWallace and Gromitsmile. A bit too much teeth, but hopefully it’ll pass.
‘A wedding! I can’t believe we’ll be having a wedding.’ Esther laughs.
They look so happy, like Christopher and Haf have served them a Christmas miracle.
And all Haf can do is give Christopher the tiniest shrug. After all, is there a huge difference between fake dating and fake engagement? Probably, but hopefully not one so huge that it’s going to make the next three days that much different from the chaos it already has been so far... right?
But oh God, Kit. What is Kit going to say?
As if on cue, she appears in the doorway.
‘The news is out? Hurray!’ Kit cries in the least convincing celebratory voice anyone has ever used in the history of unwanted, or possibly fake, engagements.
Hobbling over, still wrapped in her blanket, she pulls both Christopher and Haf into a hug, and says pointedly, ‘What a brilliant, completely uncomplicated addition to our Christmas together!’
She releases them, and Haf wishes she could take it all back. This is a terrible idea.
‘Let’s have that toast, Dad,’ Kit says, taking a very frothy glass of Champagne and knocking it back before they can actually toast.
‘Steady on, girl, it’s early still,’ Otto laughs, raising his glass. ‘To the happy couple.’
Haf breaks out in a ream of nervous, happy laughter and cheers her glass against his so that she can hurriedly bury her face in it.
‘We should call your parents, Haf!’ Esther says, which sends ice down Haf’s back. ‘What better time to meet them than at Christmas?’
‘Oh, we can’t. They’re away,’ Haf says.
‘But they texted you already today, didn’t they?’
‘... Yes, they did,’ begins Haf, looking around wildly for any excuse so she doesn’t have to further the charade with two families. Them thinking Christopher is her boyfriend is bad enough. If they think they’re engaged, she will never live it down when they’re not.
Come on, come on, think!
‘They don’t really do phone calls on Christmas because...’
‘It’s not allowed,’ Kit says smoothly, and Haf’s heart is in her mouth, wondering what the fuck she is going on about.
‘Oh? Why’s that?’
‘It’s all part of that Christmas wellness retreat they’re on, isn’t it? Haf was telling me all about it last night. Soundssofascinating,’ Kit continues. The look she gives Haf is a challenge.
