I sigh, setting my fork down and looking up at her. There’s genuine concern in her eyes, and it makes me feel a little less afraid, a little more willing to open up. But still, the words stick in my throat. How do I explain something like this?
“I don’t know if you’ll understand,” I start, my voice barely above a whisper. “It’s… different.”
“Try me,” Lena says softly, her hand giving mine a reassuring squeeze. “You’re my best friend. There’s nothing you could say that would change that.”
I take a deep breath, trying to steady the nerves rattling inside me. “I told him… I told him I want to be with more than one man. At the same time.”
Lena doesn’t flinch, doesn’t pull back. She just listens, her eyes locked on mine, giving me the space to continue.
“And… I want it to feel real. Like they’re taking me, using me… but I want it to be safe. I want to wake up the next day knowing it was all just a fantasy.” The words spill out of me, and once they’re out, I feel a strange mix of relief and vulnerability.
For a moment, Lena just looks at me, processing what I’ve said. Then she nods, a small, understanding smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “You know what? That doesn’t sound crazy at all. It’s your fantasy, Zara. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to explore it.”
I blink, surprised by her calm acceptance. “You really don’t think it’s… weird?”
“Nope,” she says firmly. “Everyone has their own thing. You’re just brave enough to admit it.”
Her words lift a weight off my shoulders, and I feel a smile start to form. “Thanks, Lena.”
“Anytime, babe,” she says, picking up her fork again. “And hey, if he doesn’t reply soon, you let me know. We’ll find someone who will.”
As I enter my apartment later that night, the familiar ding of my phone sends my heart racing. I drop my jacket to the floor and kick off my shoes, not caring about the mess. All I can think about is the email waiting for me. Once I’m seated on the couch, I click on Blade’s name in my inbox.
His message is direct, methodical—exactly what I should have expected, nevertheless, it sends a thrill through me.
Some housekeeping. This is important:
Do you want to be in control of your fantasy, or do you want me to take charge and for you to be surprised?
I have two other men that will join me. I have included photos of the men. I need to know if you want us to use protection or not. (Either way, I will send you a recent blood test to prove that we are all clean and expect one in return, including proof of birth control.)
Are you wanting us masked the entire time? Or can we use a blindfold? (So we can use our mouths ;))
I will need a list of hard limits. (Things you are not willing to do no matter what)
My breath catches as I read the words, my body reacting to the clinical yet undeniably erotic tone of the message. Blade is thorough, leaving nothing to chance, and that only adds to the sense of safety I feel—he’s in control, but I’m still the one calling the shots.
Once I finish reading, I click on the attachment, and two photos fill the screen. My pulse quickens as I take them in. The men are similar to Blade—top physical form, their chests and stomachs lined with muscles. Shadow, as his name suggests, is dark and mysterious, his body covered in a dusting of dark hair. Raven, on the other hand, is pale, his skin a canvas of intricate tattoos. Both are wearing nothing but low-slung pants, their faces out of view, but their bodies leave little to the imagination.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself, feeling a rush of heat between my legs. Just looking at them has me turned on, even though Ican’t see their faces. There’s something about the anonymity, the mystery, that heightens the anticipation.
I swallow hard, reading over the email again, letting each question sink in. He’s giving me control, but also offering to take it away. The idea of being surprised, of letting go completely, is tempting. But so is the idea of knowing every detail, of crafting the perfect fantasy.
14
Itake a seat at my desk in my home office a few days after sending my last email to Red, choosing to work from home as I open my laptop. The morning light filters through the curtains, casting a warm glow across the room. I glance up as Raven enters, taking a seat in front of me before setting a cup of coffee on my desk. “Morning. I got a new email. Want to read it with me?”
Raven is on his feet to stand beside me before I can finish the sentence, making me laugh as I open the most recent email from Red.
I want you to take charge. I don’t want to know anything.
And blindfolds are good too. No protection…
I included a recent test along with confirmation of my birth control and my hard limits.
God, I feel so silly, but I’m nervous.
When will you do it?
