Chapter twenty-two
It felt like a longday to Jimmy because he was worried about Coop. He didn't dare text much, not wanting to be on even thinner ice with his boss. Hope was no grumpier with him than usual, though, and she didn't say anything about the masquerade, so Jimmy took reassurance from that; the boss hadn't involved her. Good. It was nice if not everything involvedthe whole family, and he could own his mistakes without getting her in trouble.
At last the day was over and he drove home, hoping he'd done the right thing taking Coop there, hoping his brothers weren't being assholes to him. He knew they liked Coop in their own rough way, but the last thing he needed was any roughness right now.
When he drew to a stop on the gravel drive, he almost couldn'tbreathe: there was Coop, not seeing him yet. He was playing in the grass with some of those really fuzzy rabbits Cousin Lena was raising. He looked really happy, playing with them in the grass like a commercial for a fuzzy feel-good Easter TV movie. His eyes were bright and his face was lit from within, smiling and engaged as he played with the little bunnies.
One of the kids was keepinghim company and telling him something. Mom wasn't far away, hanging up laundry with the help of Mike, who looked like he was being punished for something, and Tara, who was sitting on the porch, cutting strawberries into a bowl with practiced, familiar movements. It was such a pleasant, homey little scene, he felt an ache deep inside his chest, and for a moment, he only wanted to watch, not interrupt.Then Tara waved and said something to the bunny watchers, and the little kid and Coop both looked up. Coop's face broke into a wide, shy smile, and he raised a hand tentatively.
Now, Jimmy almost couldn't breathe for another reason. He fumbled with the door in his haste and hurried over. He sank down on the grass beside his boyfriend. "Coop. You good?"
"Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for bringingme here."
Your eyes look so bright now.Jimmy embraced him, feeling a little trembly, weak with relief. Coop was okay.Is that really all it takes, some time with the family out in nature?He was too grateful to question it further.
They sat in the grass and talked for a few minutes, stroking and feeding the bunnies until Lena came to put them back in their hutch. Then he and Coop wentinside to help with supper.
"It's nice here," Coop said when they were alone for a few moments.
"Did my brothers behave?"
"Mostly."
"What did they do?" Jimmy felt a growl building inside him, and Coop seemed to hear it in his voice.
"Nothing. It's fine," he assured Jimmy. "I like them. They're very...lively."
"That's one way of putting it." Jimmy sighed, slightly crushed. Everyonealways liked his brothers better. Mike had a bigger smile, and Luke was two inches taller, as well as broader in the chest, and they were both more actively outgoing and charming than he was. The fact that they came up with a lot more trouble and couldn't sit still for five minutes at a time didn't seem to deter anyone. They were the sparkling troublemakers; they were more handsome. It was hardto stand out, with brothers like that.
Thinking about it, he realized that was the main reason he'd needed a different job. Otherwise, he'd always be "the quiet one" no matter what, because he'd never be as outrageous as Mike or Luke.
Coop didn't notice his change of mood as he focused on chopping up tomatoes. He worked carefully, as if each cut mattered, as if each piece had to be perfectlydiced. He'd obviously never had to cook for a big crew of people before, or he wouldn't be hesitating and worried about precision. Jimmy wanted to take the knife from him and finish quickly, a few hacks and the tomatoes done, then move on to the next salad item. But that wasn't how he rolled, and that wasn't the way he wanted their relationship to work.
If he got this acting job, there wouldno doubt be times when Coop knew about a hundred times more than he did and could easily become impatient with him. But he wouldn't, because Coop was gentle and encouraging. They needed to respect each other's autonomy whenever possible, even though Jimmy was beginning to think he was going to be shoving his nose into Coop's business a lot more in relation to his health and his work schedule,whether the people in charge liked it or not.
"Don't get me wrong. I like them," Coop went on. "But they're a bit much. They're not as chill as you." He looked up and smiled at Jimmy, a warm, sunny, soft look that drove the shadows from Jimmy's soul.
