That earned him a rightfully deserved punch, but before they could start truly wrestling, Mike slipped out of the restroom and hurried away with a swagger in his step. It was a bit more tough guy than the usual for Jimmy, although he definitely had a security guard walk that he did, and this was probably close enough to pass for anyone who didn't know him well.
Since none ofhis coworkers were terribly close to him, he thought Mike could pass as him from a distance, and possibly even close-up. Whatever they did, they couldn't fool Hope, but she wouldn't give the game away. A Holdst might occasionally want to strangle one of their cousins, but they didn't give them away.
He waited a few minutes, then slouched out of the restroom and hurried away. He took his owncar, despite being in disguise as Mike. No way was he taking Mike's beat-up junker to meet Coop, or leaving his baby in those daredevil hands.
#
The text Coop got fromJimmy should have made his day, but it actually made it seem a little hellish.
A cheerful note about being able to pick him up after all, and something about being in disguise as his brother. His brothers all looked likehim. How was that going to fool anyone?
This was terrible. He wanted to see Jimmy so badly, but if he came out, it should be on purpose, not like this.
He texted back quickly, his hands shaking a little.I'm with a publicist.She said there's photographers waiting.
To catch him, to get a glimpse. When had Jimmy become so important? Staying in the closet in the past had been more orless easy. Nobody really cared what he did, or anything about him. All he had to do was to not actually come out and announce he was gay. Then he was assumed to be straight, and nobody gave a shit.
Now, he couldn't meet his boyfriend at the airport because it would give the game away. He longed to text Allan and ask for some reassurance, but he'd been trying not to let his guard down aroundthe agent lately. It was harder to trust Allan, and Coop no longer quite believed his advice.
Does that mean I should come out, if I don't believe his advice?
But he knew the advice was grounded in factual experience.
So was his advice to date Swindon. That was definitely practical.
His head went in circles while his chest twisted itself into knots. Jimmy didn't immediately reply, andCoop waited, feeling more and more miserable about what a terrible boyfriend he was. Nothing about this was okay.
I really want to see you.I just don't know how,he texted to Jimmy.
Cooper bit his lip, hoping he wasn't about to start crying. This was ridiculous. He felt like his heart was going to break if he couldn't see Jimmy soon and set this right.
He texted:I'm sorry.
Jimmydidn't reply for a while. When he did, it was a shortOK.Then, a few moments later:I could pick you up as a friend.No one has to know.
Coop put down his phone and buried his face in his hands. He'd seen the sort of hack jobs that the tabloids would do with something like this, if that was what they were looking for. He was certain he wasn't a good enough actor to hide how he felt aboutJimmy. One shot of him looking at the man he loved, and there'd be rampant speculation. His mysterious friend would get hunted down and harassed, and their lives would become more complicated.
Since when did anyone even care about his life? Okay, the interest had been slowly building, what with the fans at the studio and the occasional paparazzo, and now the interviews. Apparently, the presswas waiting for him at the airport.
This can't be happening. I don't want to lose Jimmy.
Sarah, the publicist sitting next to him on the plane touched his arm. "Is something wrong?"
Cooper's laugh was short, sharp, and miserable. "I can't do this." He reached up to run his fingers through his hair but yanked at it instead. He realized his hands were trembling and his breathing was ragged.I can't do this!
"You don't have to do anything else. We're on the way back." She was beginning to look really alarmed. "Did you get an upsetting message?"
"No. It's fine. No." He slid his phone away protectively, suddenly unreasonably afraid she'd grab it and look for herself. Not that she'd shown any sign of doing any such thing, but it was hard to trust anybody lately. Includinghimself.
Sarah hesitated, studying him for a moment, worrying her lip. She had the flawless skin, perfect makeup, and sleekly fashioned, perfect body of a Hollywood celebrity, but she wasn't even famous. Beautiful people everywhere, and it was so hard to measure up, whether you were a man or a woman.
"If you need a Xanax..." she began.
"No. No drugs. I'm—I'm fine." Except clearly, hewas melting down. He hunched in on himself and tried to pull himself together, controlling his breathing, keeping his shaking as unnoticeable as possible.
She studied him with a worried look for another moment, then pulled out her own phone. Who was she telling on him? Or was he being paranoid?
Because he was so absorbed with himself, locked in the prison of his spiraling anxieties, he'dalmost forgotten about her when she spoke again and reminded him of her existence. "The studio's sending a car that'll meet us right at the gate. You shouldn't be seen like this. Make sure to pull your hat low and hurry."
No, no. Jimmy drove all this way, and I won't see him till I'm home.
She continued, "I thought we'd get at least one more photo op, but you're clearly done."
Photo op?That's what "reporters lurking at the airport to catch you with your boyfriend" means now?Was his mind even working at all? Had he misunderstood something, finally lost his grasp on reality? Wasn't that always a risk for an actor—or just for a Hayes?
"You might want to look into getting a prescription of some sort," Sarah added, clearly trying to be tactful but not quite managing it.
Yes,throw some drugs at the problem.That'll fix me.Cooper realized with an awful sense of shame that his eyes had started to leak.Help me.Somebody help.Jimmy.I can't do this.I'm so sorry...
He felt like he was losing his mind. This wasn't how he'd thought it would be—it was so much worse. Coming untethered, not just outwardly, but on the inside too.
