Chapter eighteen
"Coop?"
He'd never heard Jimmy sound so tentative or apologetic. "What is it?"What did you do?
"I'm so sorry. I can't meet you at the airport. They've got me doing another reading, and then I'm back on the job and can't get away. I'm so sorry. I really thought I could get—"
"That's fine," said Coop. He felt empty inside, and this did little to relieveit. He'd reached the end of his rope, and he wasn't even sure why. Sure, he'd been counting down the hours until he returned home and could see Jimmy, but some part of him had stopped believing that future was ever coming.
Was his mental health completely fucked? Why was he feeling this way?
The only good part of it was that he hadn't taken anything to feel this numb. It had just happened.
"I really am sorry," Jimmy said, like he knew it mattered, like he had to make it up to Coop.
But it didn't. It didn't matter at all.
"That's cool. Best of luck on your reading." He even said 'reading' now, instead of 'audition.'Going all Hollywood on me, Jimmy?Then again, what did it matter?
"Coop?" said Jimmy. "You still there?"
"Yeah. I'm here."
"Okay. Hey, did you call melast night? There's a record of a very short call on my phone, but I didn't wake up and see it last night. Just this morning." He waited for an explanation, sounding hesitant to bring it up but too curious not to.
Coop's throat tightened, and he closed his eyes.Didn't get away with that little bad decision, did I?"Uh, I started to, then I remembered you were sleeping." He hesitated, buthe might as well be honest. Jimmy would get it out of him anyway, in a few more gently probing questions. He grimaced as he spoke, hating how pathetic he sounded. How pathetic he was. "I had a bad dream last night, and I was feeling really low. I wanted to talk to you."
Jimmy made a gutted sound. "Oh, babe. I'm so sorry. Wake me up next time. I can get back to sleep easily. You knowthat."
Coop's throat was too tight for him to speak. He was starting to feel again. It was a painful jump-start of his heart, and it seemed to be bringing on the tears. The last thing he wanted to do was cry over the phone again. Jimmy must be so sick of him right now.What a pathetic boyfriend I am.All I ever do is take.
"Babe?" Jimmy sounded nervous. "What was the dream about, ordon't you want to talk about it?"
"I don't remember." Damn, did he have to sound so miserable?I just felt awful and I wanted you there and you weren't, and I was afraid I'd take something if there was anything here to take.He bit his lip so he wouldn't say any of that.
Jimmy made another sound of sympathy. "I'm so sorry."
