Coop made a fake appalled sound, grinning now. "Are you implying I'm bony? That I'm sharp-edged? How dare you."
"A little bit of squish. A soft, huggable little Cooper. An armful. A snack."
"Disgusting!" Coop proclaimed in an over-the-top voice, enjoying the teasing immensely, and the message underneath it. Jimmy was so unimpressed by abs, he didn't care if Coop maintained his for lifeor not. And that was good to hear, especially since Coop had realized from the start of the show that he was probably as fit and attractive as he could ever get. The thought of Jimmy liking him into his gray years, into a less chiseled body type, was unexpectedly moving.
I didn't think I needed to hear that. Apparently, I did.
He hauled himself up with a groan. He'd been sitting on thefloor like a drama queen. "I'm getting that water now. Ugh. What was I thinking?"
"No judgment," Jimmy said softly now, the teasing done. "It happened, you deal with the consequences, you move on. Don't focus on it. And remember, I'm here. From now on, I'm always here. Bet on it."
Cooper was beginning to think he could—and more than that, that he couldn't not. He couldn't hold backfrom throwing all his eggs into one basket, even if it was risky. He'd fallen hard and all the way for guys who'd turned out to be awful and untrustworthy. But everything about Jimmy, so far, was trustworthy, wonderful, and worth it.
Not that it was really a choice anymore, if it ever had been. Jimmy was the whole package, and Coop had fallen for him some time ago. No point pretending otherwise.
"I love you," he said softly. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Jimmy said, solemn and gentle. "I hope you know I love you, too."
Cooper was beginning to think he did know that. And maybe, if he could keep from being a doubting, self-sabotaging mess, he could hold on to that and truly build a happy future with this guy.
If he couldn't with Jimmy—hot, kind, sensible, giving and forgiving Jimmy—therecould be no hope with anyone else. He'd be too spoiled to even try, and he'd know unequivocally that he was too broken to make a real relationship work. If this failed, it would all be on him. He couldn't imagine Jimmy fucking up, while his doing so seemed like a very real possibility.
He eyed the bottle again with misgiving and whispered into the phone. "You know, I don't even like whiskey.I don't know why I drank it. I think I was punishing myself."
"You don't need to be punished. It was Lincoln, not you. I could see you were doing your best."
"You watched? Oh. Of course you watched. You saw it all, every awful moment, then?"
"Don't relive it again. It's over now. Singh will take care of this, remember? He's a mother bear about that show. He won't let anyone ruinit."
"Lincoln hates me because I'm soft. And I am. I'm soft. Sometimes I hate it too. I'm such a soft, pathetic little—"
"No," interrupted Jimmy. "You're not pathetic. I like it that you're soft. You're kind, and you give a shit. How many more hard, cruel people does this world need? Give yourself credit, Cooper. You're a good, valuable person the way you are. You could be hard ifyou wanted to be. You could make yourself into whatever you want, and we both know it. You're soft because you'rekind. You care. You don't go around hurting people, even when you've been hurt. You don't pass on that pain the way so many people do. Even the drinking was about hurting you—not someone else.
He paused for a moment, then went on, "You don't need to do that, though. You don'tneed to be ashamed. I, for one, am proud of you. Losers like Lincoln are a dime a dozen—people who think they're better because they're hard, or famous, or some other shit. In my book, you're worth a hundred times more. And my opinion counts for more than his, doesn't it? Because, guess what? You've got me for the rest of your life, and he'll only be here a short time, no matter what."
"Yeah," Coop said, breathless with silent tears, blown completely away, and too raggedly emotional to hide it. "Yeah, I do."
The rest of my life. He's really committed to this. I hope I don't fuck it up.
