Who do you want meto be?Coop found himself silently asking the question of Jimmymore and more as they spent time together. It felt so deliciously right, and Jimmy seemed to be relaxed about the whole thing. But the more serious it got for Coop, the jumpier he became. The more it mattered, the more he needed to make it work—including changing things about himself if he had to.
At least Jimmy never seemed critical of his body, which was a relief, considering this wasas fit as he'd probably ever be. He still worked hard with his trainer, and resented the time away from his boyfriend to do so. He was falling hard for Jimmy and could admit that to himself. Coop had always fallen easily and fast. He knew that. It was often a mistake.
It would have been difficult not to fall for Jimmy even if Coop didn't have the bad habit of falling fast and hard. Jimmywas his dream guy, thoughtful and kind, hot and funny, generous in bed and really great at sex. There was a protective streak to his nature, but he was also so chill about things that Coop never felt intimidated by his easy grace, his strength and fitness, or his gorgeous good looks. He really was the entire package.
Coop couldn't imagine one thing about him that could be more perfect. Washe so smitten he couldn't see a single flaw, no matter how small? Or was Jimmy really that perfect—and thus, way out of his league?
Jimmy didn't seem to think he was out of Cooper's league. If anything, he was more down to earth than anyone Coop had dated so far. Even the boring security guard uniform couldn't completely hide that he looked like a blond surfer god, although he was alwaysextremely professional and capable at work. But away from it, in his own clothes (or out of them), he seemed even more like a force of nature, so damned handsome.
That, his killer smile, his kindness and sense of humor made him the entire package. Coop kept finding new things about him to be impressed by, which sometimes made him feel inadequate, and sometimes made him feel extremely lucky.
Most of their time together they spent indoors, because there weren't many places they could go that were out of the public eye, and also because they were at that stage of the relationship. They could still easily start watching a movie and not make it through it—which was much more challenging and frustrating if you were in a movie theater instead of a few steps from a bedroom. But Jimmy did,a couple of times, take Coop out to some private, natural place—a forest, a lake—to show off the lovely area where he grew up.
Coop didn't consider himself the best with nature; he liked it when it was soft and pretty, like butterflies, and didn't have thorns or pinchers or sharp edges. He definitely wasn't one to push himself to the ragged edge, mountain climbing or something, and he wasafraid strong, masculine Jimmy would be into extreme fitness. But the places he took Coop were nice, beautiful both through his own eyes and through Jimmy's as he shared why he cared about these places or what you could see here. There was definitely no hike-till-you-drop, which Coop appreciated immensely.
Coop tried to be as open with his appreciation as he felt. He'd never yet dated a manwho didn't want to know if Coop thought he was amazing. Jimmy didn't appear to be the exception. Sometimes he got a bit uncomfortable with compliments, but it was the sort of uncomfortable that made him blush—the kind of "oh, stop" that meant he really liked hearing how big and strong he was, and how beautiful. He didn't seem to have heard it often, because it took him by surprise.
"How isa guy like you not taken?" Coop asked one day. He was serious, but he didn't expect an honest answer.
"I suppose no one's really been interested before. Not in something serious, that is." Jimmy looked at Coop, as if he was wondering if he'd said too much.
"Probably, you haven't met enough men. Gay men, I mean. Because you live in a kind of isolated area." Coop was talking too fast, toomuch, and it hurt to say this, but it was true.
"Well, that depends," Jimmy said slowly. "That can't be the only factor. It's not whyyou'renot taken. I mean...why you weren't taken." His grin was self-deprecating. "You're sexy and sweet-tempered, and you've certainly had access to a larger gay community than I have." Before Coop could even begin to formulate a response, he added, "Butyou're taken now. I mean, we both are. And I hope you know I love you." He said it shyly, almost as an afterthought.
Coop felt his face going red. "Yeah. Uh...of course," he stammered. "You too."
Jimmy wrapped him up in big strong arms and held him close so he could catch his breath. He felt very safe. Coop hadn't known that at all.
#
Jimmy was startingto feel settled: inhis job and his schedule, and what was expected of him there, in a relationship with a cute if insecure actor, in his life living away from the pack but still keeping close ties with his family. He had less time to kick around with his brothers, but that was a good thing; it meant the next time they got into some kind of major trouble, he'd be working.
He loved being with Coop, sharing a bed,sharing meals, sharing the kind of intimacy he'd never had with a man in his life. Coop was so incredibly warm and open, so giving and trusting, it blew Jimmy away. Coop had been hurt by people in his past; Jimmy knew that. You could read it in his eyes, sometimes. He'd been trusting when wariness would have served him better, or he'd been loyal when others hadn't. But he hadn't let that damagehis ability to be open and trusting and gentle. Perhaps that was what Jimmy admired most about his boyfriend: his gentleness. The world could use more gentle, thoughtful people in it.
Of course, he was perfectly gorgeous as well, and insecure enough about his body to pass as dreadfully vain, if you didn't know better. He needed to be reassured more often than anyone Jimmy had ever met thatyes, he really was quite good looking, and no, he didn't look like he was putting on weight in the middle, and no, he shouldn't be taller or anything else; he was perfect as he was. The relief and comfort he took from even small reassurances made it worth repeating these things, though at first, Jimmy could hardly believe he actually needed to hear them at all.
The truth was, Coop was nowherenear as confident as he should be, or as he sometimes pulled off pretending to be. He was a wreck if the director told him he was messing up, and Lincoln's little snubs made him miserable. He never truly forgot any negative comment about his body, and he seemed to always feel he was within a hair's breadth of losing everything he'd worked so hard for: that he'd mess up one thing, or his fitnesslevel would no longer be enough for the people in charge, or something else would happen, and he'd lose it all and be reviled.
It was so strange to see he really did believe that, when Jimmy had to help turn people away every day who wanted to get his autograph, and a selfie with him, and to generally bask in his presence. Some of them definitely wanted more than that from him, as well—probablynot in a creepy way, just admiration and attraction, but it was repulsive to Jimmy, having people want his boyfriend so badly. Even knowing people wanted him didn't seem to build Coop up all that much, which seemed very odd to Jimmy.
He wanted Coop to be happy, and in the end, he couldn't make him happy—but he could walk beside him, and cook his constricted meals for him, and run with him,and love him. And in the end, they were both pretty happy, and that seemed like maybe it was enough.
From various things his pack mates said, or hinted at, it was clear they thought Coop was nice, a sweet and appealing guy they liked, but also kind of a flake because he was an actor, and slightly damaged or broken. At first, it pissed him off that they saw Coop like that, and for a while hecouldn't see what they meant at all. Coop was perfect, and his insecurities didn't mean he was broken. In fact, Jimmy resented the fact that they'd go straight to that, as if there was something wrong with Coop when there wasn't.
But now, he could sort of see it, peeking out around the edges. It didn't make him less fond of Coop, though. It made him more protective, if anything. He didn'twant to see Coop as damaged, so it made him sad when he glimpsed what the pack saw in Coop.
But ultimately, he loved the guy, no matter what.
Sometimes Coop was so eager to please, Jimmy knew he could have steered him into changing something in his life—given him the little extra push to get rid of his agent, for instance. Jimmy wanted to be careful not to do anything like that. It wouldn'tbe right to steer Coop into doing things, to take control of his choices. Coop would resent it someday if he did, even if he was willing to bend and contort himself into any shape at this point, eager to please, to be loved, to be wanted and not thrown away.
He would try to become someone else if Jimmy wanted it; it was painfully clear he would at least try. But that was the last thing in theworld Jimmy wanted.
You're the guy I like, not somebody else. You don't have to change for me. I hope someday you'll really believe that.
Right now, all he could do was be as accepting, low-key, and trustworthy as possible. And maybe someday Coop would believe he wasn't going to walk away if Coop messed up one tiny thing.
