If he noticed, he never let on.
I'd finally had enough of our team being passed over for assignments, and approached Singh directly. "Commissioner, you're not sending us out when you could be."
He stared at me. "I think that's for me to decide, don't you?"
"Of course it is, sir, but we're sitting around, and you've sent another team out twice in a row. It's not necessary. We can do the work. Just use us."
"First of all, Radner, I am using you — to train people. That's not insubstantial work."
"But—" He was hardly using us to capacity, even there.
"And, secondly, it is very much my decision. I am not putting—" He broke off, shook his head, and compressed his lips. "It is not your concern, and I will not be dictated to by you. You think you know best, do you? Well, I see a much bigger picture than you do, and I do believe I can assess the strengths and capabilities of my teams better than you can. You see one tiny corner, from the inside. You don't know as much as you think you do."
I'd really offended him. Great.
"I apologize, sir," I said stiffly.
"Well, you should. If you don't trust me, why are you even on the team?"
He was being very blunt. Of course he knew the answer, but I muttered it anyway. "Charlie. And I do trust you, sir."To a point.
He gave me a hard stare that I found difficult to meet for more than a couple of seconds. I let my gaze slide down to the floor. I probably looked like I was pouting, but I wasn't trying to. I could feel his hostility and annoyance with me growing. I braced myself for a telling-off, squeezing my hands tightly at my sides, determined to endure it without either cringing or talking back.
"If you are here simply because you think you've found your mate, then you should reconsider your life choices." He was crisp and harsh, driving home the point in a cold voice. I couldn't help it; I did flinch. "I am sorry to be so blunt, but what is the point of wasting your life pining after someone who has told you clearly and unequivocally that it is never going to happen? Becoming mates cannot be one person's choice. It is a partnership. And, yes, whatever you say about hormones and compatibility,it is still a choice. Charlie has made his choice. You must respect it. If you are unhappy here, you are absolutely free to leave."
"No. No, sir, I'm not unhappy." My head was drooping even farther. It was never pleasant to be called on the carpet by Singh's razor-sharp intelligence, and today he was hitting home in a way that cut deep.
"We don't get everything we want in this life, Radner. If you are hanging around thinking that Charlie will change his mind at some point, you should leave. Pack your bags and leave."
He waited, radiating hostility. Apparently, he wanted to make me grovel if I wanted to stay, or turn around right now and leave if I didn't want to. I'd forgotten how relentless he could be, how pitiless and dangerous. I'd seen so much of his soft side around Charlie, I'd nearly forgotten about the other side.
"I—"
"You think I'm being unfair, don't you? Perhaps you think I should cut you more slack, that I should treat all my employees equally. That will never happen. I do have favorites, and I will pick Charlie over you every time. I will pick team safety over you both, as well. This team is still working. However, I believe it would work just as effectively without you, should the need arise. Even if it would not, even if the situation required immediate dispersal and complete upheaval, I would not hesitate to tell you to go. If you cannot—"
"Sahil? Russ?" Charlie's voice was hesitant, a little scared as he approached us from behind.
I was too ashamed to look at him. How much had he heard?
"What's going on?" he asked.
Sahil fell silent, giving me a reproachful look. I hadn't called Charlie! He couldn't blame me for this, could he?
"We were having a discussion," Sahil said primly.
"You're yelling at Russ," Charlie observed, studying us both.
Great insight there, buddy. That won't make it even more awkward.
I expected him to grin and enjoy it, but he didn't.
"You can go now. You don't need to be here for this," said Singh.
Charlie gave the commissioner a reproachful look. "I don't mind listening. We're a team, right? I'm sure I should hear anything he hears."
"I don't believe that's the case."
"Isn't it?" Charlie put an arm casually around me. "You're the one who says team cohesion is so important."
