“And you’re mine.”
He smiles. “Yours, Baby girl. Always.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him so tight. “I love you, Papi.”
He leans me back, his eyes wide. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I love you to the many moons and out into the universe, Janelle.”
I look down at my breasts. “You really want hoops dangling from my nipples?”
“I really do. If you’re not ready today, we’ll wait until you’re ready, but eventually you’ll know it’s time.”
I think about his words. I know he means them. He never says things he doesn’t mean. If I tell him I want to go home right now, we will. He won’t even be mad. He’s nothing if not patient.
I also get that this is inevitable. It will happen. I won’t be the only human to come to Eleadia and defy this custom. I feel the need to please him. It’s in my bones. I also feel the pull to know the feeling of having the heavy stones hanging from my nipples.
“I’m ready, Papi.”
He kisses me. “I know you are, Baby girl.” He turns and knocks on the door.
I’m scared. I’m often scared. Lots of things scare me. But right now, I’m going to focus on the fact that Papi is holding me, and I know he’s not going to leave my side while I do this.
I have vowed to myself not to hold on to him so tightly all the time. It’s not necessary. I can separate from him. I’ve learned to take deep breaths and occupy my mind when he puts me down. I read or play with my toys when he leaves a room. Just this morning I walked away with my two new friends and didn’t have a full-blown panic attack.
I’m getting better, but when he picks me back up, it’s like all the stress of trying so hard to be good piles up, and I end upsqueezing the life out of him to make up for not touching him for however long our separation was.
I’m doing that now. Not because I spent time several yards away at the park, though. This time my anxiety is fully warranted. Papi knows it. He doesn’t even try to loosen my grip.
When Ekert opens the door, Sophie is right behind him, holding his leg. It makes me wonder if she’s always that close to him, touching him. She has been both times I arrived. Maybe I’m not the only Little girl who likes to be touching her Papi as often as possible.
Papi doesn’t even try to put me down. He has one arm under my bottom and the other wrapped around my waist, rubbing my back.
“Come on back,” Ekert says. “Most Littles like to get this over with. The longer they spend fretting about it, the more anxious they feel.”
I agree with that.
Papi carries me through the display room we visited last time and then into the piercing room. The big chair in the middle is ominous. It’s so high off the floor, and it has lots of straps.
“Papi…” I whimper.
He slides his hand up to the back of my neck. “I will be with you the entire time. In fact, I will be the one to numb your nipples, remember?”
I nod. “But it’s still scary.”
“I know it is, Little one. New things are always scary. Just think, you only have to do this one time. Never again.”
“Technically I have to do it two times, Papi,” I sass.
He chuckles. “Silly girl.”
Papi sets me on the chair. “Lean back, Baby girl.”
“Wait.” I grip Papi’s forearm. “Can I see them first?”
He cups my face. “You can see them after. I promise the stones are the same ones we looked at. It will only make you more nervous if you stall.”
I sigh. He’s right. I’m shaking as I lower to my back.
Papi lifts my hands over my head and restrains my wrists just like he does when he changes my diaper.
