“In what way? Only share what you want. I’m just curious about you. Feel free to tell me to shove off.”
I grin and smooth my quilt over my stomach. “They never hit us, but their words were harsh.Overcriticalis what Renen called them. Nothing we did was ever done correctly, in their opinion. I was constantly afraid that the raised voices and angrylooks would turn into something even worse, so I kept quiet and tried to do exactly as I was supposed to do. Chores finished early. Never speaking too loudly. That sort of thing.”
“Blessed Stones, Kaya. That’s awful.” His words are kind enough, but rage laces his tone like he wishes he could have it out with my parents.
“It was a long time ago. Once Renen and I were adults, we took off for the Veiled Kingdoms that we had already fallen in love with during trips. It was odd once we settled in Leafshire Cove.”
“How so?”
“I had so much freedom. No one was looming over my shoulder to tell me when I was being lazy or doing something incorrectly. I went from days and nights structured and controlled by my parents to a life where I was fully in charge.”
“Is that why you’re so tough on yourself? You feel like you would slip into some kind of woeful slothdom if you don’t work your arse off every day?”
I glance at him sideways. “What are you saying, Cyrus?”
“You’re amazing. You deserve pleasure and relaxation time. You don’t have to work your fingers to the bone to deserve the lovely things life has to offer.”
“I don’t work my fingers to the bone,” I say, my tone filled with vinegar.
“Oh really? When was your last holiday?”
“Just recently. I went climbing and hiking with Renen and his partner, remember?”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about time off to do what you choose to do. Not to please anyone else.”
I clear my throat and turn onto my side to face him. My chest feels heavy, and I want him to understand why I live how I do, but I can’t seem to find the right words.
“Renen doesn’t force me to spend time with him.”
“I know that. He’s a good fellow. But if you could take a trip to see anything anywhere, where would you go? Or would you stay home and read by the fire? What is your ideal day when you’re not baking?”
“I’ve never thought about it. I enjoy my work. I’m good at it.”
“Of course. You are an expert. An artist. But perhaps you don’t allow yourself to be selfish once in a while, to do something just for you.”
Chewing on my lip, I let his words sink in. “But if I don’t get up early every day and bake, my life will fall apart. It’s not like my job is tough. I’m not laying bricks in the summer heat. I don’t have to shovel muck or perform difficult healings like Delixian. I have it easy.”
“You don’t have to earn time off, Kaya. You deserve pleasure and relaxation just because you exist.”
I laugh, but it doesn’t feel funny. “I know that.”
But do I? He’s right that I haven’t ever planned a day off with only myself in mind. Is that because of my parents and the way they raised me?
“I think it’s your turn to talk, Cyrus.”
“That’s fair. Well, you know I have no clue who my biological parents were.”
“I’m sorry about that. Does it bother you?”
“It does, if I’m honest. Aside from wondering about my kind, I just would like to know why they gave me up. Probably knew from the start that I was trouble.” He grins and lets out a sad huff of laughter, but there isn’t any joy in his expression.
It breaks my heart. “No, Cyrus. Now, it’s my turn to lecture you. You’re fun. Mischievous. But not trouble. You are always there for anyone who needs you. You make people laugh and enjoy themselves.”
“I am fun, you’re right about that.”
“But that’s not all,” I say.
Cyrus makes a humming sound. “You yourself have chided me about my behavior.”
