Sweetheart, you’re the one I worry about having a problem with our age difference, not me.
He’d sent back an eye roll emoji and one of a whale. When I’d asked him what the whale was for, he’d replied with an explanation that there was a type of whale that could live over 200 years. His final words hit me straight in the chest.
You need to do the same.
I thought about his youthful energy and wondered whether or not he’d want to become a father one day. The idea of raising children with someone so fun and confident excited me. Any child would be lucky as hell to have Stevie as their dad. He’d be the fun one,sneaking them ice cream and cookies, while I’d be the strict one reminding everyone, including Stevie, when it was time for bed.
“Why you smiling so wide, Chief?” The question had come from a friendly young recruit in the Haskell FD who was busy inspecting some equipment on the department’s MICU. “Got a girl back home you’re missing?”
“A guy. And yeah, missing him pretty badly,” I responded with a grin. The kid’s face dropped and nostrils flared. I could tell he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure mouthing off at the interim fire chief was the right decision professionally. He was right.
The recruit glanced across the hood of the MICU at his buddy. Since I’d caught his buddy checking out my ass the night before, I was pretty sure the recruit’s homophobia wasn’t shared. Sure enough, Buddy’s eyes were widened in surprised at me, but instead of a disappointed, disgusted surprise, his was a pleased one.
“Truly, Chief? You’re gay?” the man asked.
“Bi, actually. But this is my first real boyfriend.” I felt the silly line come off my tongue like I was a grade schooler. “He’s hot as fuck, so I’ve been begging your chief to hurry his ass up and heal already,” I said with a wink. The man blushed and turned back to his work, carrying a small smile the rest of the day I understood well. When Otto Wilde had come to work for me in Hobie, I’d felt a sense of relief and brotherhood at having a proudly out member of my team. Knowing I wasn’t alone in the kind of “don’t ask, don’t tell” environment of a Texas emergency services department had been encouraging. We’d had a lesbian EMT on our team for ages, but she kept to herself for the most part since the majority of her social life was in nearby Vilene rather than Hobie. If I’d done something to help that man feel more comfortable in his skin here at work, I’d be forever grateful.
On Monday night, I managed to FaceTime with Stevie while he was on a break at the hospital. He was beautiful as ever and practically vibrated with excitement when he answered the call.
“Guess what? I was right! Charlie and Hudson Wilde are doin’ it!”
My laugh filled the tiny hotel room around me. “Wow. I can onlyimagine how Hobie is blowing up right now. Women all over town just fainted in despair.”
“Not at all. That’s the shitty part. It’s a secret. I can’t tell anyone.” He looked devastated by it.
“Baby, you just told me,” I reminded him.
Tiny wrinkles appeared between his sculpted eyebrows. “But you’re my person. You don’t count.”
My thundering heart jammed up into my throat. “I miss you so much,” I whispered hoarsely, reaching out for the phone as if I’d be able to feel his full lips under my fingertips.
Stevie’s eyes bore into mine. “When are you coming home?”
“Hopefully tomorrow. Do you have to work tomorrow night?”
“No. Unless you consider riding your dick work,” he said with a sassy wink.
The flirt. He’d always been like this with other people but rarely with me. I’d never realized before what a mask it was. He was nervous.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said carefully. “I think we need to talk first.”
His face froze—a rictus between flirty and caught out.
“Why? Talk about what?”
“I want to talk about things before we have anal sex, but I don’t want to do it over the phone like this.”
I could tell I’d hit a hot button. He got squirmy and lost eye contact with me.
“We don’t need to talk. I just want to do it. I’ve been waiting, and?—”
“Sweetheart, have you ever had anal sex before?”
His face flushed deep red before looking off to the side at something I couldn’t see. I knew he was in a private room with the door closed, so it was more likely his insecurity than a true distraction.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe this isn’t the time for this conversation,” he said to the wall.
“Will you wait for me at my house tomorrow night?” I asked as gently as I could. I didn’t want him to be self-conscious around me,but I knew trying to talk about it more when I wasn’t there to reassure him with touches and cuddles wasn’t going to be productive.
