I moved forward then, knowing if I didn’t hold her, I would never be able to again. So I cupped her face, and she leaned into my palm.
“I’m so damn sorry, Livvy.”
“I don’t know how to tell her. I need to. One day. Not now, but one day. It’s going to confuse her.” She paused and stared into my eyes. And in that moment, I knew I needed to be the stronger person. Because if I pushed right now, she would break. And if I pushed, I would hurt Amelia. Livvy gave me a watery smile. “I don’t want to be the person that falls into mistakes because I’m scared. Because I’m reaching out. I don’t know what to do, Ewan. But I can’t hurt her.”
It was like another kick, a slice. But the sad part was I understood. We had only been in each other’s lives for less than a month. And that little girl already told me she loved me. And now her world was going to shatter when she heard about her daddy. And I wasn’t part of that. Even if I had rushed far too quickly into feelings I’d never had before.
“I should go,” I said into the silence, my voice just as hollow as hers.
Because I didn’t want to be her mistake.
Livvy didn’t correct me. Didn’t beg me to stay. “I’ve already hurt her once. I’m afraid if I take a chance on something that we have no answers for, I’ll hurt her even more.”
“That might be true. You could. But you’re also afraid for yourself.” She winced, and I cursed myself for saying the words. But they needed to be out there. “So I’ll go. But just know, if you’d have asked me, I’d have found a way to stay.” And I leaned forward, brushing my lips against hers, a goodbye so bitter it coated my tongue.
And then I walked away, leaving the family I loved behind me.
Because Livvy wasn’t ready for me to fight for her. But when she was, I’d have to find a way to be there. Even if there was nothing left of me.
seven
LIVVY
Grief was such an odd thing.It was never constant, nor did it truly make sense. I hadn’t loved Brick. I perhaps at one point thought I had loved him—could love him. The same way I had loved the idea of who we could be together. Or the fact that my daughter had come from our time together. So I did not know why Brick’s death hit me like this.
Crushing waves of uncertainty and helplessness.
It felt as if somebody carved out part of my soul and would never give it back.
“Can I get you tea? Anything?”
I looked into the hollow gaze of my cousin and best friend, and almost asked her the same thing. She had secrets of her own and wasn’t saying anything. I couldn’t tell what was wrong, or how to fix this.
Then again, I was in similar quicksand.
“I’m okay. Thank you.”
Aria gave me a look, and then glanced down at the tattered up napkin in my hand. I hadn’t even realized I had torn it into so many pieces.
“Okay, perhaps I’m not fine or okay. But I will be. I just know that one day my little girl is going to grow up and I’m going to have to tell her what happened to her dad.”
Amelia was too young to understand now, so I was given the reprieve of not having to explain. Although part of me knew it wasn’t quite a reprieve. As everything hurt so much. I was afraid waiting would just intensify it over time.
“I realize you are upset that Brick is dead because a man is dead. But that’s not why you’re acting like this.”
I blinked at her, utterly confused. “What on earth are you talking about?”
She raised a brow at me. “Where is Ewan, Livvy?”
I froze, not having heard his name since he had left. I still couldn’t quite believe that he had just walked out of the house, never to return. Yes, he had needed to. This wasn’t his home. But he was gone.
And I had forced him out. I didn’t fight for him, nor did I say I wanted him in the slightest. So why would he have stayed?
“I can’t. I can’t talk about him.”
“I know you’re scared. Scared of what could happen to you and Amelia if it doesn’t work out with Ewan. But I saw the way you guys are together. That type of chemistry is one in a million. It doesn’t just happen every day. It might have felt too fast, too intense, but it was something.”
“And he left,” I whispered, my voice cracking.
