“Cows?” Amelia’s eyes widened comically, and I laughed.
“Yes. They have Angus cows next door, but this ranch has Hereford.”
My daughter just blinked at me, and I grinned down at my phone.
“Have your grandpa look it up.” I pressed my lips together so I wouldn’t laugh at the earnest expression on her face.
Amelia clapped her hands. “Picture?”
“Yes. I will take a photo. I already have a few.”
“Where is Ewan?” she asked innocently, while I held back a blush.
I looked over her shoulder to see my mom raise a brow. Mom had been the one to help me pack for this trip, as my father had just glared for some reason. Neither one of them had asked any questions. I would’ve thought they would have had a million of them considering I did not know this man. My cousin knew him and trusted him implicitly, so that should have been enough. But I had gone on an overnight wedding trip with a man I didn’t know, and my mother had packed the damn bag.
And now here my daughter was, asking about him, and my mother continued to smirk.
“He’s with the wedding party getting ready for the day. I’ll see him later.”
Amelia pouted. “He’s nice. Is he going to come back? I want to show him my blocks. And cupcakes. I really like cupcakes.” She fluttered those eyelashes again, and I barely resisted the urge to narrow my eyes at my mother.
“It’s a grandmother’s prerogative,” Mom said, a bit of shame in her tone.
I held back my playful retort and braced as I turned back to my daughter. “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to see him before the wedding. And he lives here, darling. Remember?” I ignored the slightest twinge at that. I knew he lived here. Manymanymiles away from me. This was just an odd dream, an escape.
And I needed to make sure my daughter and I both understood that.
“Tell him hi. And I miss him.”
My mother just smiled at me, and I wasn’t sure if I saw worry there, or was just projecting it.
I talked to my daughter a few more minutes and held back tears before signing off. I had only slept away from Amelia a handful of nights in my life. She was my purpose. My everything. And leaving her even for a night was difficult. I still couldn’t quite believe I had dropped everything and come on this grand adventure. I wasn’t sure why I said yes, other than sane me never would have said yes. But I knew I had found myself in some form of rot. Going day by day, hour by hour just trying to survive. I had Amelia, my family, and my job. Thankfully I could work anywhere as long as I had the internet, so jumping on a plane hadn’t been that far off in the realm of impossibility. And I had even worked on edits for another book this morning. I scheduled my time enough so I was able to do this, and yet it was still drastically out of character.
As was letting Ewan finger me against the wall. I had never had an orgasm quite like that in my life. And since I hadn’t been with anybody since Brick, I had gotten very good at giving myself orgasms. I had the toys and the means to get myself off in many different ways. Because I only had myself to rely on, whether it was my life, my future, or my orgasms.
And yet, Ewan had blown every other experience out of the water.
And just thinking the word blown made me imagine myself on my knees in front of him. If he hadn’t been called away, I knew that’s where I would’ve been. I wouldn’t care that the hardwood would dig into my knees. I wanted to be down there, his cock in my mouth, and me taking that control. Of course, knowing the rough feel of his calloused hands, perhapshe’dbe the one in control, guiding himself in and out of my mouth as he wrapped my hair around his fist.
Just thinking about it got me wet. And I knew that was a problem.
Because this weekend was just a temporary moment. An abstract time that would blow up in my face or fade away into memories. Or perhaps both.
Ewan was not forever. I knew that. I didn’t want forever. My family could find it. I watched my cousins fall in love. My parents were so damn in love it was quite sickening sometimes. I knew love existed.
I also knew you needed to trust explicitly in order for that to happen.
And I didn’t have any trust left in me.
I couldn’t even find the man who had been a sperm donor. How the hell was I supposed to trust another?
So perhaps it would be smart for me just to live in the moment. I could protect my heart while having the best sex of my life.
Because I knew it would be the best sex in my life.
Part of me was annoyed he had never come back to the room. I knew it was for a good reason. There had been countless issues that seemed insurmountable for the wedding, and I had been alone in bed, horny as hell, wondering what I was supposed to do.
The whole one room, one bed scenario hadn’t been a problem since he hadn’t come back at all.
