I sent him a text with an apology and an inquiry to meet, but he briefly replied that it was fine and that he was too busy. All of my following messages remained unread and my calls went straight to voicemail. I tried Sam and then Kaiden because they left together the night before, but nobody picked up. Which was kind of normal on a Saturday morning. People tend to sleep in. But I felt fucking restless. I paced my living room like a caged tiger, running my hands in my hair, wanting to tear it out, and feeling my skin crawl with anxiousness and fear. What if Mel didn’t want me? What if my fuck-up was irreparable?
This kind of deep attachment has always freaked me the hell out. The need to consider someone else, their feelings, their wants, hopes, and dreams. I was fucking shit at all that. But only the thought of losing Mel and the panic radiating from inside me was ten thousand times stronger. That little pixie took up a big, snuggly place inside me. Filling me with lightness, acceptance, satisfaction and more. So much more. I couldn’t give that up.
Throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, I got in my car and drove to the shelter.
I’m pulling the entrance door open when a voice stops me.
“Airy-fairy, out of here!” Alfred croaks. And I’ve never been happier to hear his potty mouth. Because if that damn bird is here, Mel must be too.
“Broody beast, or should I call you wild beast?” Nell appears out of one of the big kennels on the left. She looks me up and down with a small smile on her face. But I don’t have time for whatever she means.
“Mel, is he here?” I ask, looking around, trying to spot him.
She frowns. “No, he took some days off.”
“What?” I snap.
“Hey, calm your gorilla-sized boxers down.” She drags me—and in my exhausted state, I let her—into a room with a table, and a small, old kitchen. I’m pushed into one of the chairs while she pours some coffee into a mug. “He came this morning to leave Alfred.”
“Do you know where he went?” I ask hopefully. But if he left the bird it has to be out of town.
“No, sweetie, unfortunately I don’t.” I feel my shoulders slump, but I thank her when she positions the chipped mug in front of me. The coffee is the worst thing I’ve ever tasted, and I know why when my eyes fall on the ancient coffee machine on the counter. That’s when I really look around. The white paint on the walls has turned yellow, the floor has cracks and dull spots. The tables and chairs are made of cheap, scratched plastic, and from the open door I can clearly see the rust on some of the cages out there. And although there’s a hint of fur—and whatever else animals smell like—in the air, everything looks clean. The high, large rectangular windows let the bright sunlight illuminate the wide space. Different animal noises break the silence and a few dogs and cats are walking freely around the room.
A very familiar small dog turns my way and then trots till he reaches me. He nuzzles my leg and then sits almost expectantly. I hesitantly lower my hand and earn a long, moist lick. I feel a shiver of disgust rolling down my spine, but the happy, wagging rat-like tail makes me smile.
“Banner likes you. That’s as shocking as a wrecking ball through my dining wall.” Nell’s high blonde hair sways slightly when she shakes her head in what looks like disbelief.
Going to the sink to wash my hand, I’m not surprised when the small dog follows me.
“You really have no idea where Mel could be?”
She sighs. “Look, broody beast. I’d like to help you, but if Mel doesn’t want you to know maybe there’s a good reason.”
“I really care about him. I messed up and I just want to try and fix it.”
Banner keeps jumping up and down near my leg, so I crouch down and pat his head without thinking.
Thankfully he doesn’t lick me again. “Please.”
“Don’t let me down, broody beast or you’ll know why they used to call me hell-fury back in my hometown.”
“I won’t. Please,” I beg her again, uncaring of how pathetic I must look right now.
“Kaiden knows where he is. He took him to the airport with Sam.”
“Thank you!”I pull my phone out of my jeans and scroll to find Kaiden’s number.
“You need to grovel—big, fat time. Do something grandiose, like in the movies, to show him how much you care.”
“Something grandiose,” I repeat, looking around and then at the dog at my feet. Mel loves this place. He loves his furry babies. Suddenly, I know what to do.
When I stop the rental car in front of the small cottage somewhere in upstate New York, gray clouds are gathering out on the horizon, but the sun is still shining here. It took me one long day to get here. First, I had to organize things with Nell, while constantly trying to call Kaiden and Sam. After an hour, the tattoo artist picked up the phone. And only thinking about that call makes me want to kick myself.
“Kaiden?” I said when the call finally went through.
“There’s no Kaiden. Only Zuul.”
“Zuul, where the hell did Mel go?” I asked, putting him on speaker while driving my car toward the airport.
