It was crucial he knew. This would give him the opportunity to make arrangements to leave earlier if he wanted. A moment later, the door opened. My breath caught in my throat, and I saw him not as the man he was but as my childhood friend and confidant.
“Hey,” he said with a curious look, stepping aside to let me in.
The room smelled like him, a mix of cedar and citrus, and it enveloped me like a warm hug. It was cozy looking, filled with soft lighting and the comforting clutter of someone who didn’t like to clean up. A pair of sweats lay discarded near the bed, the ones he was probably wearing earlier today.
“Do you have a minute?” My heart was heavy, but I braced myself, hoping he’d understand.
“Mouse, of course. What’s up?” he asked, closing his door.
I sat down on the chaise lounge and pulled one of the plush cushions into my arms for something to steady myself with. Pasha followed me, his expression filled with concern. He took the seat next to me, and I sighed. He had become familiar once again, and my heart ached knowing I was going to lose him.
He turned to face me, his brow furrowed. “What’s on your mind?” he asked, sensing the unease.
It was now or never. I gathered my thoughts and rehearsed everything once more. “I’ve made a difficult decision today,” I began, my voice trembling. “I need to go away for a bit. I need some time to think, and Ivan—well, you’ve seen him.”
Pasha’s brown eyes filled with understanding. He leaned forward, his full attention on me. “I have seen him. Are you sure, Mouse?”
I nodded, feeling emotional at the thought of leaving the house. “Yes, I’ve thought about nothing else today. It’s the right thing to do.”
He seized the opportunity and became excited. “So come with me. I was going to talk to you, anyway. They’ve added some extra dates to my tour. I’m serious. You belong on stage—with me.” He took my hand. “When we dance, the world fades away. I’ve never experienced that with anyone else. Not even my fiancée.” His eyes bored into mine, and my heart fell into my stomach because it was the same for me.
“In another life, maybe, but I can’t.” A heavy sense of sadness washed over me. I was left with an ache so deep I couldn’t hold back the tears.
“You keep saying things like that. I wish you’d talk to me. It’s almost like you’re afraid.”
“I am in so many ways. I wish I could travel back in time and not go to that audition.”
“So, something was off about it?”
My vocal cords froze, rendering me speechless. The memories were too raw, the trauma too deep. I nodded, my eyes dropping to the floor as I fought back tears.
“I hate that you were torn from my life,” he said; his voice broke, surprising me. He turned and cradled my face in his hands.
“Do you know what I missed most about our dancing together?” I asked after a few minutes.
“What?”
“The feeling of flying. Remember that one move we used to do with the aerial straps? The one where I would lie on it, and you would roll me toward you, and then we were twirling into the air.”
His eyes came alive, and I knew he was envisioning it too. “Yes, and then you would wrap your arm around me and free-fall drop. I had to hold you by my feet. You were always so tiny that I would count it out. One: hand on my back; two: at my knees; and three: feet under your arms, and hold.” He laughed at the memory.
“Oh my goodness.” I laughed. “I remember you actually counting it out like that.”
“Well, after I dropped you that one time, I was so sick that I vowed never to let it happen again. But my favorite thing ever was to hold on to your wrists while you twirled upside down. I could watch you spin for days, your hair flying around you. You were so tiny and graceful.”
Hugging him tight, I closed my eyes and wished a thousand times over for what our lives could have been. I pulled back, pushing his brown hair off his forehead.
“We were magical, weren’t we? I want you to know that I followed your journey. I’ve probably watched every one of your videos on YouTube a million times. Every duet you did, I imagined it was me. With the time remaining that I have with you, I want to practice our fathers’ style of dance. Can you reteach me?”
“Are you kidding? I’d be honored. However, I should tell you it’ll make letting you go that much harder. It’s never felt right with anyone other than you. Please tell me why you won’t go away with me?”
Emotion laced every word, soft and trembling, his accent thickening the way it always did when the truth lived too close to the surface. It broke me.
“Awe, Mouse. Don’t cry,” he murmured as he wrapped his strong arms around me.
“There are so many things you don’t know, and I love you so much. And for that reason, I can’t tell you. I hate this.”
“I won’t give up asking. I hope you know that,” he breathed, rubbing my back.
