My Dearest Kinsley,
If you’re reading this letter, then you have found yourself in need of a fresh start. I know I don’t need to tell you how important it is that you follow the plan I’ve listed. Jellybean, I’m so sorry. All I can do is hope you’ve forgiven me on some level. I’ll never forgive myself for failing to protect you in the first place.
In this box, you’ll find everything you might need to start over. I have strategically placed containers such as these in a variety of locations throughout the world on the off chance you need to run more than once.
Your only other option is to use the contact information I provided in my explanation letter. I’ll leave that decision up to you. I won’t lie. All your refusals to let me verbally tell you the story made it easier on me. I’m a coward, you see. Your disappointment and potential rejection would have killed me.
Saint Amand-de-Coly is your first stop. It’s a beautiful place; I think you’ll love it. It’s in France. I know you’ve always wanted to go there. Use the ID for Delphine Toussaint. Your new safety deposit locker has a key to a flat in your name. It also holds coordinates, in the event you need them. Use our code phrase tout ce qui est beau est éphémère. All that is beautiful is fleeting, and they will help you.
Please know, I never meant to hurt you or keep secrets. I wanted to tell you so many times. You deserved better, and I want you to know I loved you from the start. Do not waste time. Trust your instincts, Jellybean.
Love always,
St. Owen
Oh, Owen, I’d give anything to know what was in your other envelope.
I tucked the letter away and closed the container. I’d need to talk to Sebastian and see if his guy could work with any of the documentation I had. With a heavy heart, I finished getting ready and went down to breakfast. The quiet chatter as I approached made me feel nervous.
Once I stepped through the doorway, I saw my beloved, and for just one second, everything else dropped away. My body reacted before my brain caught up. A rush of relief, an unbridled joy, surged through me. My heart leaped, stupidly.
I took half a step forward before shame slammed into me. It was as if my brain forgot we’d spent a month shattered over him. But clarity followed and thank god it did, because I wanted to run into his arms and shower him with kisses.
The moment cracked me in half, and I was left torn. Join them like an adult and test the waters or run away. I chose the former, even though my stomach twisted as it all came flooding back. What I said, what I’d done to us. I took my seat. His presence and the fact that he was within arm’s reach had me trembling.
I shifted in my seat, my heart pounding in my chest, each beat echoing with a thousand emotions. Being this close to him brought a rush of longing and heartache so intense I wanted to cry. My mouth dried out, and the heaviness from before grew.
His gaze was fixed on his plate. God, I loved him so much, and the ache intensified. Memories of our shared moments—his laughter, protectiveness, and love—collided with the harsh reality of how it ended. And my heart broke all over again.
I sat, hoping for a glance like a pathetic loser. I longed to hear his voice, for him to acknowledge me, but he didn’t. I may as well have been invisible. His cold indifference cut deeper into my already bleeding heart. A lump formed in my throat as he lifted his gaze, and I willed him to at least look in my direction—a prayer that went unanswered.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to steady myself, but it was no use. My mind raced with ideas and ways to bridge the distance. If only he would look at me, he’d see how much I loved him and how sorry I was. What would he do if I threw myself into his arms and begged for forgiveness? Would he shove me away? The fear of rejection was terrifying.
“Well, if it isn’t a satisfied tiny tot,” Sebastian said, drawing my attention.
He flashed me that sly grin he liked to throw my way when teasing me. Nik and Alek exchanged a glance and had the nerve to look proud.
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Marcel said without making eye contact.
“Pretend all you want, Marcel. Just take one look at her beautiful face, and it tells all.” Sebastian winked.
Pasha looked like he wanted to laugh but was unsure if I would be offended or not, so he withheld from doing so. My face flushed hot. Gathering my courage, I took a chance. The silence between us was suffocating, and I had to do something,anything, to fix this.
“Ivan, can you pass the salt, please?” I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.
For a moment, it appeared he hadn’t heard me. Should I repeat it? Maybe my voice was too quiet. The seconds stretched into an eternity, and my heart sank. Slowly, he turned his head and looked straight through me.
His eyes, once so warm and full of life, now held a cold, distant gaze. The seconds stretched into an eternity, and then he looked away. The response wasmore crushing than I could bear. I lowered my head in painful defeat, realizing how far we’d drifted apart.
“Ivan, don’t be a child,” Aleksandr chastised.
“Fuck you, Reaper,” he exclaimed, standing.
He reached for the salt shaker and pushed it across the table toward me. The simple act felt monumental, a lifeline in a sea of hurt that had engulfed me.
“Thank you,” I whispered, trying to infuse my words with all the love and regret flowing through me.
“Stay the hell away from me. Don’t talk to me, don’t even fucking look at me. Do you understand?”
