“This is how I survive. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you or your friends ever again. I thought you understood by now. I will do whatever it is I have to to feel safe.”
“But it’s contrived, this safety you think you’re creating. Why can’t you see that? If you have to run, then you’re not free.”
“Oh, that’s rich.”
I shook my head, hating myself for not being able to stop the words that demanded to be said. I stared deep into his eyes, wanting to inflict the same measure of pain his words had done to me seconds ago.
“How about instead of worrying about me and my life, you look inward. Ask yourself how long you’re going to pine for a dead girl? What about your life, your future? Just going to live vicariously through your best friends? Come talk to me when you’re ready to deal with your shit, Brother.”
He drew back as if I’d slapped him, and his eyes grew sad as he shook his head. With a voice filled with disappointment, he said, “Fair enough.”
In my panic, I lashed out the only way I knew how. “You know, the ironic thing is my life would be all you think it should be and more if one single, solitary thing about that day had been different.”
His face went white as the color drained from his face. I never hated myself more than I did at that moment. I wanted to reel the words back in, and my heart seized inside my chest as guilt filled his eyes.
My heart felt like it had been pierced with a knife. I’d never brought up that day, never wanted to because I knew he felt horrible for not showing up.
But did I stop myself there? Reel it in? No, unfortunately, I didn’t.
“So go, run and be with your friends. It’s where you prefer to be, anyway. I’ve always wondered why you didn’t show up that day. You promised me you would. Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter. Now, if you don’t mind.”
He let me pass, but not before I saw the full weight of my words and the pain they caused. His shoulders slumped, as if he were physically bearing the weight of the world. This was another reason I kept silent. My silence not only protected me but those around me from the rage waiting to be unleashed. In silence, there was safety, no matter what he said.
Tears streaked down my cheeks, and I wiped them away angrily, hating them almost as much as I hated myself. I was so tired at that moment, but my fight-or-flight response wouldn’t let me back down. Not now. I threw the remaining things in the suitcase and zipped it closed. He grabbed my arm, and I looked at the ground.
“Isabella, at the end of the day, I love you and want you to live a good life, a rich one, full of all the beautiful things this world has to offer.” He paused as his voice broke, and all the emotion he was feeling seeped out. “I hope that having some time and space will help you clear your head on this. Kinsley could use a friend, and our annual summer trip is already scheduled. I hope Mum and Dad won’t have to miss that one, too, because you want to be stubborn.”
Without so much as a glance at my brother, I walked out of the room.
Chapter 68
Nikolai
Blindfold Her—August
I stared out atthe white sands and sighed. For as long as I could remember, our family, along with the Carusos, would make the trip to commemorate the ending of summer. It had by far been Vanya’s favorite family activity. She loved it more than her birthday and even better than Christmas.
The last one she went to was years ago, before she ran away. The following year was the only one in which we didn’t go. But since then, we came in her honor. It was a one-of-a-kind residence on a private island. Pristine white powder sands, and the most beautiful turquoise waters graced the residence’s sunset-facing bay.
It comprised a large mansion with twelve bedrooms and over twenty thousand square feet, and both my parents and the Carusos had it redesigned in 2018. It now included a state-of-the-art movie room and a children’s play area for the next generation. They’d even had a playground put in, with a pirate ship as the center focus.
We were introducing a new family member to the island, and in time, we’d put that playground to good use. We just needed to get Kinsley on board first. It was too bad the Carusos weren’t coming this year. With Bella still refusing to talk to any of us, their parents made the call.
Her stubbornness took to new levels. She refused every message, every call, and even if we did get a chance to talk to her face-to-face, she refused to say even one word. We were back at square one. My heart broke for Kinsley when Isabella fled the dining room and then the house. She had become distant and reserved, and her nightmares picked up again.
The guys and I were hoping the trip would cheer her up. We’d been here for three days now, and she still seemed distant. Each of us had picked out something special for our girl, and today was the day we planned to shower her with them.
“You need any help?” Sebastian asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Sure. You can help me get these set up.” I gestured to the gift bags and the presents. I’d brought Alek’s and Ivan’s down with mine. Marcel had dropped his off already, and Bash still needed to get his wrapped.
The two of us worked quietly for a minute. Bash had become distant as well over the last few weeks. The fight he’d had with Bella was taking a toll on him. He looked tired and worn.
“I love coming here, but this year is hitting different for me, Nik.”
I took a deep breath, my heart heavy with the weight of it all. “Bash—”
“It’s so fucking stupid,” he muttered, before adding, “I miss Vanya—or, well, what could have been. I’m in a perpetual ‘would we’ season lately. Would we be happy? Would she have healed enough to let me love her? Would we have our two kids by now?” His voice was heavy with nostalgia.
