“Of course,” he replied. “Tell me what happened.”
A tremor racked through me as I nodded and took a deep breath. “I freaked out and put my fears on display, letting them ruin our evening. Nik wanted to play with me…with my…” Heat flooded my face, and I looked away.
“None of that. Remember, I specialize in kink, and you knew this might present once that list was sent. Say the words for me, and let me walk you through it.”
“Anal play. He wanted to play that way.”
“Okay, if you were opposed to it, why didn’t you put it on the list? Were you afraid you’d let him down in some way?”
“No, I’m not necessarily opposed. It’s just that whenever I think of anal, especially if it’s fingers, my mind immediately thinks of fisting…” I looked down at my lap.
“That makes sense. I think in Nik’s defense, though, a finger is going to be a lot less intrusive than, let’s say a butt plug or his cock. Did he use lube?” Marcel asked. I looked up, the heat intensifying in my cheeks.
“Yes, he did.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Would you like me to talk to them about your fears? I know it’s hard for you to do sometimes.”
“No, Sir, I should be the one. If I don’t start trusting them, then they might be afraid to be with me.”
He grabbed me in a fierce hug and didn’t let go. “Damn, I’m fucking proud of you. Such a good girl. Look at you growing up on me.” Pride colored his voice, and I snuggled into him.
“Marcel, what am I going to do without you?” I sobbed into his shoulder, breaking as I realized how much I loved him.
He exhaled. Every aspect of my life seemed like I was on the precipice of panic. I pushed the reality of disappearing out of my mind 95 percent of the time because the sheer weight was crippling.
Crying in Marcel’s arms, I drifted off to sleep. I woke a while later as a set of gentle hands grabbed me. Instantly, I knew it was Nik.
“Come here, baby girl. Daddy isn’t mad.”
I sobbed once more, needing his love and approval more than anything in the world at that moment.
The bedroom door closed, and I knew Marcel had stepped out.
“I’m so sorry I ruined our evening.”
“We would never do anything that would hurt you, and none of us want a slave whore. We like you just the way you are. That isn’t a dynamic we want or need.”
“Thank you.” I pushed his shirt up and began tracing his V-line. He sighed.
The door opened once more, and then Alek and Ivan joined us on the bed.
“I’d like to tell you something.” My voice wobbled as I prepared to share my fear with them. “One of the things my captors liked to do when terrorizing me was to fist women, both vaginally and anally. I don’t know why, but more than one finger near my rear hole instantly brings that memory back. It was particularly horrible to witness, and—”
“We don’t have to do anal play, malyshka,” Nik blurted out, making me sigh heavily.
“I’m not saying that, Nik. And I appreciate your willingness to forgo it, especially given my time frame isn’t long with you. The truth is, like with so many other things, I honestly don’t know what I like. I didn’t mind your pinkie,” I breathed, looking into his intense green eyes.
He pulled me back into his arms and hugged me.
“I’ll do better, and going forward, I’ll remember to use my safeword.”
“I think it’s time we establish a middle word for you while we play. That way, if it gets intense and you need a minute, you can shout that out instead,” Nik said.
“I agree. It’s standard protocol, anyway, little love. I somehow think you’re afraid if you use your safeword, we might not ever touch you again. Which, by the way, is absolute rubbish,” Ivan said.
“Have to agree. I don’t think you could ever make us not want to touch you, kitten,” Alek added.
“What do you say? Keep it in line with your other word? Do you remember the word for yellow?” Nik asked, rubbing my back. My heart soared, loving them each even deeper. I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before.
