“Can I take a rain check? Tonight is Ivan’s night,” I said as another round of sobs racked my body.
Her carefully composed demeanor softened, and a glimmer of understanding flickered in her eyes. “Oh, honey,” she said, moving closer to me on the couch. She gathered me in her arms, which only made me more emotional. “Shh, it’s going to be okay,” she said, rubbing my back.
Something in me broke completely. Maybe it was a mother’s touch or the fact she washismother. Hot tears streamed down my face, my body convulsing with each shuddering breath. I hated myself for falling apart in front of her like this.
Way to go, Kinsley. Make a complete ass out of yourself in front of the woman with more control in her pinky than you’ll ever have in your life.
But now that the floodgates had opened, there was no fixing it. I tried hard to get it together, but with each attempt, the waves of anguish over losing Ivan pulled me under.
“It won’t ever be okay. My heart hurts so badly. I miss him so much I feel like I can’t breathe.”
“I know it hurts. We’ve all been there at one time or another in our lives. It will get easier. It just takes time,” she breathed, rocking me.
Time seemed to stretch, and her embrace was warm and soothing. Then a nagging thought hit. I didn’t deserve to have her consoling me. If she knew what I’d done, she’d throw me out.
My next words tumbled out, carrying the weight of embarrassment and self-loathing. “I’m sorry. I don’t normally fall apart like this, I promise.”
Needing to regain control of myself, I took a deep breath, and the trembling in my body subsided, replaced with a firm resolve to escape the uncomfortable position I’d put us both in. I straightened my posture and pushed past my overwhelming vulnerability.
“You’re very kind, and I appreciate your hospitality. I think I’ll lie down for a bit before dinner, if that’s okay?” I needed to get as far from her as possible before I said anything else.
“Yes, absolutely. Everything looks better after a good nap,” she murmured.
As we stepped out of the library, the heavy atmosphere lingered between us. I wasn’t paying attention and collided with Christopher. His presence caught me off guard. Self-consciousness gripped me as I willed myself not to fall apart in front of him too. Reluctantly, I met his eyes, but my gaze faltered as the concern in his grew. He shifted a glance to Sophia, and I couldn’t help but imagine how disheveled I looked. My eyes were no doubt red and swollen from crying.
“Is everything okay?” he asked as Sophia shook her head.
Averting my gaze, I moved around him and walked away as calmly as I could. The minute my feet hit the steps, I flew down them. Everything became a blur. All I wanted was to get to my room and hide away. Running past Renee, I mumbled a hasty apology, my voice barely audible.
The bedroom door clicked as I pulled it closed behind me, shutting out anyone and everyone. I climbed into my bed, wanting to curl up in a ball and sleep for days. The softness beneath me and the thick duvet offered me some comfort, and as I stared at the ceiling, I thought about my session with Marcel.
Even though he said I’d come far, my brain wasn’t too inclined to agree. The deep-seated fear of my past hung over me still. There wasn’t enough time left for me to address all my trauma. I wondered about the sub Alek once loved and collared. What was her trauma like? Would they still be together if she had the strength to deal with her issues?
My eyes grew heavy, and self-doubt took over my subconscious dreams. One minute, I was thinking about Alek and if I could stay, if I’d eventually let him collar me, and the next, I was a child once more, forced to watch the end of a collaring ceremony from the pits of hell.
It was like someone had hit the play button of my past, and the movie that started in my head that day in Seattle picked up right where it’d left off.
CAPTIVITY
Freshly whipped and collared, X stood in the center of the cold, dank cement room, humiliation wafting off her slender frame. The Collector pulled X by the hair and sealed their unholy union with a kiss. It was brutal and hard, and blood dripped from her lips when he finished. A wicked gleam sparked in his eyes as he licked them while she cried. She trembled, standing there naked. She lowered her head and waited for him to make his next move.
“Now we will show the girls how a proper slave whore takes her Master. You will ask for my cock, you dirty whore. First in your cunt, then up the ass, and finally in your mouth.”
“Yes, Master. I await your cock in my cunt first.”
X turned away from him and crouched on all fours, her face pressed to the cold, hard ground. Her legs were spread, knees bent, her ass up in the air. She reached around and spread her butt cheeks, revealing herself with a wince.
The marks from the beating were angry and painful looking. I wanted to close my eyes but knew that would equal instant punishment. The Collector kneeled behind her, and X tensed, which told me all I needed to know. She was only pretending to be willing. She was not okay with this.
“I’ll give you my cock in a moment, but first, I think the girls need to know that your slave holes can be filled with more than a cock. After all, it’s likely that their own Masters will want to do the same. Let’s teach them, shall we?”
She gulped and tensed even more, and his eye twitched, spreading fear through my veins. I had learned to pick up on every subtle clue I could, and her response angered him. My heart hurt because I knew he saw it, too, and was going to make this worse. He reached between her widespread legs and touched her brutally. She had no choice but to allow him, but she still squirmed and cried out in pain.
“Hold still and keep silent, whore,” he berated.
We watched as he continued to touch her cruelly with two fingers, three, then four. My eyes widened, and then I slammed them shut, not wanting to see anymore. A sharp, stinging slap to my face had my eyes flying back open.
“Eyes forward, Spring,” our instructor hissed.
