“Yeah, okay. I get it. Consequences,” I muttered.
“Good, because you’re potentially going to be out of pocket millions here, Jacques,” he chided. “In exchange for whatever dollar sum you get her down to, the two of you stay married and live together until after your contract is renewed at the end of this coming season. Then when you have your contract, you quietly get divorced. If it’s picked up, we say Carina was homesick and wanted to return to Australia.”
The money aspect of his plan hit me like a ton of bricks. My chest tightened and my heart squeezed. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to talk money settlements with Carina—not because I didn’t want to give her any, but because divorce was the final outcome. But what choice did I have? Michael was right. This whole farce could be the catalyst to end my career.
“I won’t ask you to be celibate, but you’ll need to get nondisclosure agreements signed by whoever you want to sleep with before anything happens. While you’re married, there can’t be any Tinder hookups, and absolutely no going to clubs and meeting someone. You act like a happily married man who’s faithful to his wife. We make the public root for you so the team rewards you.”
Rusty pulled away and walked to the other side of the room. He leaned against the countertop and hung his head low. My stomach turned, and I clenched my jaw, biting back the reason he’d never had to give me this speech before. I was, for all intents and purposes, happily in a relationship. I knew how to fly under the radar when it came to hookups. It was why Travis and I didn’t have threesomes with anyone but Rusty now that we were out of college—Carina had been our first. My plan had always been to stay in the closet while I was playing professionally. Then after, it wouldn’t matter. But I’d fucked up, and now I was going to have to ask the people who mattered most to me to deal with the clusterfuck that was raining down on us because of my chosen career.
“I can’t decide anything until I’ve spoken with Carina,” I said, hating the wobble in my voice. I hated having to leave off Rusty and Travis’s names more.
“Jacques, I understand this is a shock and that you didn’t think things would go so sideways. But you really don’t have much of a choice.” He paused, letting the truth sink in.
My stomach turned, and I gripped the countertop for support.
“It’s unfortunate, but if the truth gets out, I can’t guarantee you’ll even have a team at the end of the season, never mind a renewal.”
“I need to talk to them,” I breathed, then hung up. I rolled my shoulders back, trying to ease the tension there, and exhaled roughly. “Hello,” Travis called from the back door.
“In the kitchen,” Rusty answered, his voice rough with emotion.
They walked in hand in hand. The moment I locked eyes with Carina, she paled. With a furrowed brow and note of urgency in her voice, she asked, “Are you okay?”
I was glad they were here. We needed to talk, but more importantly, I needed all three of them close.
“Not really, no.”
Carina stepped forward, but Zeus was on her. His tail was hitting my leg like a whip. She held up a finger to me, then dropped to her knees. “Hello, baby. What’s your name?”
He launched forward, licking her face and trying to climb onto her lap. He was a one-hundred-pound dog who thought he was pocket-sized. But Carina took it in her stride, stroking his fur and kissing him back. She giggled prettily, and I called, “Zeus, off,” to get him to back away.
When she was able to stand up, she came closer, then ran her hand up and down my back. “He’s beautiful,” she said as I leaned into her touch.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Rusty watching us. He turned away as if he didn’t want to see, and I slumped, all the fight leeching out of me. I was hurting him again.
I huffed out a helpless laugh—it was either that or cry—when my phone rang again, vibrating on the countertop where I’d dropped it.Momlit up the screen. Ah, hell. I knew what was coming, and I didn’t want to deal with it right now. But if I didn’t, the consequences would only get worse. I fucking hated that word—consequences.
I swiped my thumb across the screen and brought the phone to my ear. “Hi, Mom,” I greeted softly.
“Don’t you ‘Hi, Mom,’ me, Jacques Gauthier,” she screeched. “What in thefresh hellwere you thinking? Carina is my best friend. She’s twice your age. She’s just been divorced and wanted a relaxing weekend away. Her whole trip was about finding herself again outside of a relationship. So you go and get married? What were you thinking? What wasshethinking?”
Every sentence she yelled at me through the phone was like another blow. I’d underestimated just how upset Mom would be. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew she’d hate the idea of Carina and me dating, but I didn’t think she’d take it this badly. I mistakenly thought that if we were happy, Mom would support us.
“Mom—”
“I can’t believe she’d do this, that she’d betray my trust like that. Did you think I’d be okay with this? Did you think we wouldn’t find out if you didn’t tell us? It’s all over the news, Jacques. People started calling us to pass on their congratulations, and we had no idea what they were talking about.”
I could hear the hurt in her voice even with the rapid-fire questions and accusations. She was angry, too, and perhaps justifiably, but had she not considered for a moment what we were going through?
“Mom—”
“Don’t interrupt me,” she snapped back. “Your father and I taught you better than this, Jacques. Marriage is not a fad. It’s not something you do for kicks. Itmeanssomething. You’re single, you’ve never had a serious relationship. You have no idea what love is—”
She had no idea how wrong she was, but that was my fault again. The weight of all my decisions, good and bad, pressed on my shoulders, weighing me down until I could barely come up for breath. Shame for every one of those bad decisions coursed through my veins. Instead of being the clean-cut NHL player who always set a good example and people were proud of, I’d become a joke.
My entire identity was a façade. I was a fraud. My own parents didn’t even know me. They had no idea that I’d been living with the loves of my life for years now and that we’d made a happy home together. They’d visited, and we’d lied to their faces. We’d gone home for the holidays, and we’d lied. I’d never confided in them about Rusty and Travis. Sure, Travis was scared of losing them, but I’d never trusted them with who I was either. I knew they’d be okay with me coming out to them. They’d actually be happy to find out about Travis and Rusty.
Now I was lying to them about Carina too. They had no idea that my feelings for her were true despite being drunk and stupid. They were completely in the dark about how polyamorous relationships could work because I’d never let them in.
